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Any success in open Marriage , after a bad marriage ?


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Old 7th June 2017, 3:03 AM   #1
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Any success in open Marriage , after a bad marriage ?

Need opinion about Open marriage when it comes after a couple (or one of them ) exerted all kind of efforts to make a marriage succeed yet it fails ; Divorce is out of question , and kindly it is not the topic here .


did it work when one of the spouses is not a sex lover , they can survive without it ?

what was the rules ?

for succesful open marriages , how did it work ? what was the process ?

your opinions ,
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Old 7th June 2017, 5:07 AM   #2
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Are you man or woman?
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Old 7th June 2017, 5:53 AM   #3
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Are you man or woman?
There is the first question, and you better do some reading instead of asking opinions. Start with two books


"OPening Up"
"More Than Two"

If you do not get your answers there they do not exist.

Here a starter for you. If you are a man, understand in open relationships your wife will have all the power. She will be able to walk into a bar and tell every man she meets she is married and 95% of them will be thrilled to pursue her for the no strings sex. The reaction you will get is just the opposite. 95% of women you announce that you are married to will tell you to get lost before the words are out of your mouth.

The next little free tidbit for you is any responsible proponent of non monogamous marriage will tell you that open marriage does not cure cracks in a not good marriage. It makes the cracks worse.

And open marriages fail for the same reasons that monogamous marriages fail. Broken boundaries which will change from what you initially agree to.
Now once you identify what sex you are more can be added but you might start with educating yourself on what you are thinking about.
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Old 7th June 2017, 6:26 AM   #4
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I would respectfully suggest, because you feel stuck in a sexless marriage, that what you are looking for is not necessarily an open marriage but permission to cheat on your wife.

However, what is available to you must also be available to your wife. Would you really be fine if your wife chooses to have sex with another man?
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Old 7th June 2017, 6:30 AM   #5
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I am a man, 46 yrs old ,
yes , stuck in a sexless marriage .
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Old 7th June 2017, 6:38 AM   #6
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Usually, an open marriage will not fix anything, but sometimes it can work well enough.

i have a friend whose husband became completely sexless. They did not want to divorce, so she had boyfriends. One even moved in with them for about 7 years. This worked for them.

However, as a woman, she had lots of prospects. If she'd been a man, highly unlikely - less than 1% chance, IMO, if he's being honest about the open arrangement. If you're a man, you'll do better to pretend you're cheating on your wife. I don't understand the psychology of this, really, but it's like women want the chance to steal away the cheater (or have the illusion that they could), but do not want to share a guy in an open relationship.
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Old 7th June 2017, 6:39 AM   #7
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I would respectfully suggest, because you feel stuck in a sexless marriage, that what you are looking for is not necessarily an open marriage but permission to cheat on your wife.

-true , more specifically after all up and down we are seperated under the same house ; wich is the ugliest form of separation .

However, what is available to you must also be available to your wife. Would you really be fine if your wife chooses to have sex with another man?

-After all the abuse and bitterness in my marriage , I no longer give a sit , if this makes her happy and satisfied i have really no problem anymore; because we are not and will not reconcile until DD comes .

I am lost and this is the last resort I see; if she becomes happy , stops her passive aggressiveness toward me and children , I will be very happy .

forget about the details of my case,
I am interrested to hear successful stories about similar situations wher partners went open marriage .
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Old 7th June 2017, 6:46 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by central View Post
Usually, an open marriage will not fix anything, but sometimes it can work well enough.

i have a friend whose husband became completely sexless. They did not want to divorce, so she had boyfriends. One even moved in with them for about 7 years. This worked for them.

However, as a woman, she had lots of prospects. If she'd been a man, highly unlikely - less than 1% chance, IMO, if he's being honest about the open arrangement. If you're a man, you'll do better to pretend you're cheating on your wife. I don't understand the psychology of this, really, but it's like women want the chance to steal away the cheater (or have the illusion that they could), but do not want to share a guy in an open relationship.

exactly , what makes sense more to me is that me and my wife get relieved from each other rather than share anything .


so yes I want a validation of my cheating , though nothing is planned yet , I need to date someone normal , have normal dates , feeling good with a female , taking her to restaurants , to cinema , cuddle and share emotions .

casual sex was available for cheating from myside , I haven't take it and iot is not what I want .

truth , I have no opportunities now in the context Iam describing , like a special friend or maitress , I am just planning for coming future ,
planning to cheat with her knowledge ,and if she opts to cheat fine with me .
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Old 7th June 2017, 10:26 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
I would respectfully suggest, because you feel stuck in a sexless marriage, that what you are looking for is not necessarily an open marriage but permission to cheat on your wife.

However, what is available to you must also be available to your wife. Would you really be fine if your wife chooses to have sex with another man?
Cheating implies deceit. An open marriage is not cheating because there is no deception about what either partner is doing, itís an agreed upon set-up in which both parties agree that monogamy isnít the preferred option. It is a fallacy for a spouse to expect/ demand monogamy while also abstaining from sex, because that is not monogamy, that is celibacy. The OP is not asking to cheat (ie: deceive the spouse), the OP is asking how to make an open marriage work when the spouse is clearly uninterested in sex. If the spouse agrees to the open marriage and all of a sudden decides that they too are willing and ready to explore an open marriage, then they are not really uninterested in sex, they are uninterested in their partner, which would uncover the true source of the problem in the marriage.
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Old 7th June 2017, 10:43 AM   #10
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Open marriage can work in the context of a healthy marriage where both members of the couple agree that their relationship will be enhanced. I have not heard of it working in a bad marriage, but who knows? We know your needs, and from what you've shared I imagine that a sexy love interest might be just the ticket to get your wife's juices flowing. As frustrated as you are, she is probably feeling equally dismal about your sex life.

edited to add: "a few times a month" isn't a sexless marriage.

Last edited by NuevoYorko; 7th June 2017 at 10:46 AM..
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Old 7th June 2017, 11:05 AM   #11
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And open marriage only works in a bad marriage if both parties agree that the marriage is essentially over and divorce isn't an option and agree to live separate romantic lives while maintaining a platonic living arrangement/shell marriage.

When only one person wants out of the marriage and pushes the other person to compromise their values and boundaries as a condition of being able to stay married to the person they love, it's a recipe for disaster.

What will happen is she will agree to it to keep you, and you will jump in. And you'll be open and honest about it and it will destroy her. So you'll start to hide it. Then it's just cheating.

Also if she does choose to get into it, she will have a million men crawling all over her. You won't have the same from the females. So you have to be able to deal with that .
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Old 7th June 2017, 11:11 AM   #12
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You want sex. You are in a sexless marriage. I know very little about open marriages / relationships & I have never had one. What little I do know seems to indicate that this type of arrangement takes a LOT of trust.


Even if your wife agreed to this, which I can see her doing, you are going to go crazy when she has sex with another man because this arrangement isn't going to get you laid as often as you fantasize. You will be jealous & pissed off. You won't understand why your wife will have sex with other men but not you. You actually want this open marriage because you want sex & you'd probably be OK only having sex with just her but she doesn't seem to want sex at all.


Just get a divorce. It will be cleaner & healthier all the way around.
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Old 7th June 2017, 3:08 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by xenawarriorprincess View Post
Cheating implies deceit. An open marriage is not cheating because there is no deception about what either partner is doing, itís an agreed upon set-up in which both parties agree that monogamy isnít the preferred option. It is a fallacy for a spouse to expect/ demand monogamy while also abstaining from sex, because that is not monogamy, that is celibacy. The OP is not asking to cheat (ie: deceive the spouse), the OP is asking how to make an open marriage work when the spouse is clearly uninterested in sex. If the spouse agrees to the open marriage and all of a sudden decides that they too are willing and ready to explore an open marriage, then they are not really uninterested in sex, they are uninterested in their partner, which would uncover the true source of the problem in the marriage.
Totally agree. However, this request is not coming from a good place. This is not a healthy marriage. It is a sexless marriage, and the husband wants affection and sex from another partner. He doesn't see divorce as an option. Thus, his solution to the problem is to open his marriage such that he has "permission" to have sex with another woman.

Call it what you may, it's not going to solve the problems in the marriage. It's also really possible that it's not going to be the solution that OP hopes it will be either.
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Old 7th June 2017, 8:27 PM   #14
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i can not tell you personal stories, but i hear the stats are about half of open marriages work out to some extent, and the other end in divorce a year or two later.

Unfortunately, the ones that work out already start from a strong marriage, good communications, and good adherence to boundaries. Sounds like that is not necessarily your situation.
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Old 7th June 2017, 9:48 PM   #15
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I am in a partially open marriage where my husband sees other women and I do not see other men. He hasn't said I can't, I just don't want to. It works out well for us. He is honest with the women he sees about his relationship status and doesn't have too much trouble getting dates. He was even in a semi-relationship with a woman for a while, they took a short vacation together and saw each other about once a week.

It works out for us because I'm not jealous at all, but also we were coming from a very healthy relationship. We didn't do it to fix any problems. Do you have any specific questions, OP? I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for. Have you talked to your wife at all about it yet? I think in most cases a relationship has to be good to be successfully open, but maybe if your marriage is great *except* for the sex issue, you could "fix" it by opening it up. I don't know though, I don't have any experience with that situation.
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