How much would you give up to be with your fiance?

[loserwinnernone]

I moved to be with my fiance. I moved into his house. He's 51. He's been married twice before. I am self sufficient and I agreed to pay of the expenses.

 

We have been not doing well because he's fighting me for every dime. I feel uncomfortable because once we split before and he told me I didn't get any of the money I put into the house back because no one would do something "so stupid".

 

He even made me pay to move my stuff out COD.

 

Now, we are back together. He is trying to charge me even for his property taxes. We again are not married and he's made it clear that I get NOTHING>

 

I simply asked to have my name on the utility bills since i'm paying half. He said no. He refused and said he thinks I'm trying to stake ownership in the house by asking to do that and he said "look me in the eyes -- you will NEVER get a dime of the house if we don't marry. NEVER".

 

He said that he thinks I'm playing games and he's sick of my twisted lies and manipulation.

 

I said fine I won't pay half the bill then. He said "fine get your own apartment again and see how that goes... babe".

 

What would you do? I simply asked to have my name on the gas and eletric bill (like i had on my own apartment) to help build my credit. He said it doesn't do that and I"m faking it just to try to make a claim on the house.

 

What advice would you give?

[vanhalenfan]

I'd say screw it and all and split. He sounds like a real jerk!

[d0nnivain]

He seems very stingy. I kind of get it. He must have been burned by his 2 EX wives

 

 

However I couldn't stay with a man like that. The fact that you broke up once, tells me your decision to go back to him was a bad one.

 

 

If you insist on staying, talk to him about a pre-nup. Work out what you will pay, some "rent" toward a house where you get no equity but no property taxes. Split the bills but leave them in his name. I don't see where that matters unless you are trying to establish a credit rating but do make sure the utility companies know you exist so you can call if there's a problem. When we first married I didn't even think about that & my husband had a hard time dealing with them because everything was in my name.

[hestheone66]

You didn't mention your age but you sound young.

 

Plain and simple if is as you have written he's using you for his financial gain.

 

You deserve a MAN not a player.

 

He doesn't LISTEN to your concerns.

 

Get your own apartment...

 

His previous 2 wives saw him... But they obviously fell for whatever it is you're feeling.

 

Leave him and his bills behind. Lick your wounds and evaluate the qualities and character of the man you want to spend the rest of your life with...he will find you...

 

You get in same measure to the value you see in yourself..

[basil67]

I can see logic in most of what he says, but his way of speaking is obnoxious.

 

You have agreed to pay your way living in his house. This is fair. Your expenses should include your share of the utilities and food. I don't think you should pay land tax, but he could charge you rent and use that rent to pay whatever he wants - including land tax.

 

As someone who's simply sharing his house, you don't get your name on the utilities. Nor do you get back any of the money you've contributed to expenses if you leave. If he is asking more money than you think is fair, you have the choice to leave - just as any other flatmate would.

 

How have the conversations about you not getting any of the house if you break up come about? What are you expectations here? I'm wondering if there's two sides to this story.

 

And yes, how old are you? And what do your friends and family think of him?

[d0nnivain]

Try to remember this: Marriage is about love. Divorce is about money.

[basil67]

And in answer to your initial question, I wouldn't "give up" anything to live with a fiance. I would only live with him if it further enriched my life. If I felt being with him was a step backwards, then I wouldn't do it.

[aileD]

My response to him would be my engagement ring to his forehead.

[Gemma1]

The money issue is irrelevant, don't concern yourself with it. He's an *******, plain and simple. Why are you with him?

[todreaminblue]

it would be different if he could actually discuss issues with you instead of being nasty about it....try and have a discussion another poster suggested a pre nup in place if you were to marry.....he sounds very spiteful though...do you love him?...i dont think his attitude would change even if you were to jump through hoops to stay with him...deb

[BaileyB]

You should never have agreed to move in with him again. He is clearly protecting his own financial best interests and he does not appear to care very much about you. Sorry.

[preraph]

I wouldn't stay. He's too hostile. The moving thing bothers me more than the house thing. Tell him to get himself a roommate. Otherwise, imagine how he's going to be counting sodas in the fridge. Who needs this?

[spanz1]

you chose poorly.

find whatever serves as a lawyer in your country, and see if you can get some of your money back WHEN YOU LEAVE.

[mightycpa]

And in answer to your initial question, I wouldn't "give up" anything to live with a fiance. I would only live with him if it further enriched my life. If I felt being with him was a step backwards, then I wouldn't do it.

Exactly! Fiances deliver pluses, not minuses.

 

This one seems like he's not ready to share. There are nicer ways to say what he's saying.

[RecentChange]

You know that 3rd marriages have a less than 25% success rate right?

 

If you two can't agree, compromise and work together on the simplest of things, what makes you think that your relationship will be one of the small percentile that makes it?

 

As for all of his conditions, I wouldn't be okay with any of that.

 

Of course when I moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband) 16 years ago, mines was his, and his was mine. We shared all expenses, hardships, joys and triumphs.

 

So, why have you agreed to be his third wife?

[Fleur de cactus]

Sorry you have to go through this. Ask yourself what do I like in this man? How long am I going to tolerate this? Best of luck.

[BettyDraper]

You know that 3rd marriages have a less than 25% success rate right?

 

If you two can't agree, compromise and work together on the simplest of things, what makes you think that your relationship will be one of the small percentile that makes it?

 

As for all of his conditions, I wouldn't be okay with any of that.

 

Of course when I moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband) 16 years ago, mines was his, and his was mine. We shared all expenses, hardships, joys and triumphs.

 

So, why have you agreed to be his third wife?

 

This. You should listen to RC because she gives amazing advice.

Two failed marriages is a red flag. Maybe your fiance's wives saw how selfish, stingy and immature he was.

There's no reason to give the time of day to a man like this much less commit yourself to him for life.

[oldlion]

You can do better, for yourself, than this self-centered man. He is a user and he has found himself a giver, you; and he is taking full advantage of it. You could find a better man on the internet. Go find someone that is a giver like you. I figure, in any relationship, if the man gives 60% and takes 40% and the woman gives 60% and takes 40% then the relationship bucket is always full. It appears your fiancé is giving about 15% and taking 85%. You can really do better. I wish you well.

[anduina]

You need to get out of this relationship and fast. This man is nuts.