Ohno2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Prior to marriage, I told myself I'd keep my personal problems to myself because I don't want opinions from others and judgements from others.... Well lately, I've been having marital issues with my husband. Unfortunately, because I wear my emotions on my face, I've been asked what's wrong by a few people whether it be in my personal life or work life. When that's happened, I've ended up over sharing, spilling ALL details and essentially bad mouthing my husband where he looks like a liar and a bad person when I know he's not all that. And of course, out of concern, there are always follow up questions after the fact. And opinions on why I should leave him... side note: I don't Plan on leaving him anytime because I'm hopeful. I've been feeling extremely crappy and guilty for bad mouthing my husband and making him look horrible in front of others (who truth be told don't over share like I do-which is probably a fault on my end). I don't know how to deal with the guilt I'm feeling because I opened up and let people into the depth of my marriage when that's only meant for myself, my husband, and a therapist. What Can I do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Whats been said can't be unsaid, so you'll just have to restrict your sharing from now on. Forgive yourself. Be mindful of boundaries. I'd like to recommend a book to you: Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self. by Charles L. Whitfield (Author) ISBN-10: 155874259X ISBN-13: 978-1558742598 "More than personal boundaries, this book is really about relationships--healthy and unhealthy ones. Here bestselling author and psychotherapist Charles Whitfield blends theories and dynamics from several disciplines into practical knowledge and actions that your can use in your relationships right now." Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Have/are you able to talk to your husband about how you feel about these issues? That is really where you need to start. Don't let the resentment build up. MC can really help with communication and with having a safe place to talk about how you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 The first immediate step would be damage control. Stop all contact with the people whom you shared the info with. You dont want the info coming to your husband via any of those people. If they were friends, distance yourself immediately.Give all the absurd reasons in the world and disappear asap. What is more important -- your husband or those people? You can always make new friends but a partner ?, well, if you find a nice one , they arent that easily replaceable. No relationship is smooth sailing.All have problems unique to them but you dont share the dirty laundry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 Say to these people "I was emotional and I exaggerated the bad stuff. I'd appreciate if we don't talk about it again". Then get yourself and your husband into counselling together. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 The first immediate step would be damage control. Stop all contact with the people whom you shared the info with. You dont want the info coming to your husband via any of those people. If they were friends, distance yourself immediately.Give all the absurd reasons in the world and disappear asap. What is more important -- your husband or those people? You can always make new friends but a partner ?, well, if you find a nice one , they arent that easily replaceable. No relationship is smooth sailing.All have problems unique to them but you dont share the dirty laundry. Why should she have to drop those people that she told? OP, I think it's better to be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself and realize you are human. Try to do damage control if someone brings it up again and just say you realized you said too much and feel you should keep your private matters private. May I ask what you felt so strongly about spilling the beans about? Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I wouldn't cut my support system out of my life. You may have overshared, and that is on you, but they were there for you. Time for damage control. Tell them you were angry and the emotions were raw. Now that you've cooled off and thought about X, Y, Z, more rationally, you realize you overexaggerated, feel like a fool, and would appreciate it not being mentioned again. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 As has already been shared, I would tell them "I was emotional and trying to process my feelings. I exaggerated some of what I said about my marriage. I appreciate your listening ear and now, I'd appreciate your support as my husband and I work to strengthen our marriage." What's said, can't be unsaid. But, people who love you will be kind. And life moves on... People are busy with their own problems, they won't be busy with yours for very long. Be kind to yourself. We have all said things that we regret after the fact. Just try to forget about it and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 (edited) When that's happened, I've ended up over sharing, spilling ALL details and essentially bad mouthing my husband where he looks like a liar and a bad person when I know he's not all that. Well, your nothing more than a fibber then. As you say, just that. Read the quote. Ooops, I over shared "My" feelings. I know your not really that !. I can say that too. Please spare me, at least, this cock and bull story. You knew exactly what you wanted to say, because your husband pissed you off for some reason. Or maybe you just want attention, so exaggerated your comments about your husband. I felt bad for you until I read "He's not all that". Then, I got a little annoyed at you. Don't get too angry at me, but my wife did exactly what you did to her parents and friends. I found out about it, and it really made my feathers fly. Why you ask, because its only HALF the story. Jeez, I wonder what your hubby tells his mates. Something to talk about on your next spill session. Ted. Edited November 22, 2016 by Superchicken Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 When that's happened, I've ended up over sharing, spilling ALL details and essentially bad mouthing my husband where he looks like a liar and a bad person when I know he's not all that. Are you over-sharing or over-exaggerating? Two different issues here. We all need close friends we're comfortable talking to, that's one part of working through problems. If you're not choosing those people carefully (for instance, work and personal a tough mix), you'll need to be more selective. Secondarily, there's the question of truthfulness. If you've accurately described your H's actions, then he is lying and acting in a way that portrays himself poorly. And that's on him, not you... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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