Lonely and torn.

[babe1691]

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 9. I was 19 when we got together and JUST getting out of an on and off relationship of around 2 years. After 4 months of being together I got pregnant. I wasn't truly happy in our relationship but I was young and felt obligated to stay for our baby. We now have 3 kids. A 7 year old, 6 year old, and a 1 year old. As long as we've been together he has been working on boats. We owned a shrimp boat for a few years...which had him gone 3-5 days a week. It was hard on me as a young mom, but I never complained. For the past 3 years he has been working offshore for 2 weeks at a time. Gone 2 weeks and home for 1. This is taking a toll on me. For one...I've always been unhappily married.. Never not once let him know this though. I've always put up a good front. But him being gone for 2 weeks at a time is really hard for me. I kind of feel like a single parent...I do EVERYTHING except take home a pay check. I'm just lonely and my kids miss their daddy...especially our middle kid. He's a great guy and works to provide for me and for our family but my heart is just not in it and I want nothing more than to be happy. I tried my best to love him and to stay positive about our marriage but its just so hard. Its getting hard to hold up that front...and I'm tired of my kids seeing me so stressed out all of the time. But those kids are the only reason we are together. I don't want to hurt them by leaving and I feel like I'll take away so much from them if I do. Should I just keep sucking it up for my kids... Or move on and do what makes me happy? I'm torn. I love my kids and I do love their dad. I'm just not in love with him. It would kill me to break his heart also. I feel so selfish.

[Mr. Lucky]

I've always been unhappily married.. Never not once let him know this though. I've always put up a good front.

 

I understand your first pregnancy was accidental. But despite being unhappy from Day 1, you thought it was a good idea to stay and have two more kids? And keep your unhappiness a secret from him ???

 

Not sure how that path could have led to any other point than this, seems inevitable. You don't give specifics as to why you're dissatisfied with this "great guy" who "works to provide for me and for our family" but it seems a subject best discussed in marriage counseling. Tell your husband what you've told us - you're committed to him and your family and you want to work on your marriage.

 

I'd guess he'd be on board...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mikeylo]

I have same questions . Why 2 more kids when you already were unhappy ? You need to tell him that you are unhappy and need to work together to make it work.

[Davey L]

Is there any chance he took the offshore job because he felt the same way and saw it as a means to escape for two weeks at a time? Maybe he sensed that you were unhappy with him.

 

Perhaps some marriage counselling might help you connect better with each other.

[KatieCares]

I can understand why you are feeling lonely. It's hard to be alone with your little ones for 2 weeks at a time! I can understand why you are feeling like a single-parent...but you are not! Actually being a single parent would be a lot different, believe me. You have your husbands financial support now, and you say that he works hard to support his family. You can't put a price on that! You say that you love him, but you are not in love with him! Honestly, he sounds like a good guy. Some would call you blessed! Please consider marriage counseling, or at least counseling for yourself. Try counting your blessings...you might be surprised!