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I am stunned and horrified by what I just found

Intownup

By Intownup,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Intownup

Intownup

Posted
Posted

I am stunned that I have to post here and stunned by the circumstances.

 

My husband and I have a 4 year old together and he has a 16 year daughter from a previous marriage. I have felt recently that he has been very talkative, laughing etc with his daughter and her 16 year old friend. Especially her FRIEND.

 

I have expressed worry and said something and he snapped at me and said I was just jealous.

 

He has known this girl for years. He often took his daughter and her friend to movies and the mall etc.

 

Well, this morning I stumbled upon an email this girl that he sent to him. It was a iPhone madlib. The words she inserted were horrible! Wet, horney, cli@, dic@. It went on and on.

 

My husband replied with "LOL".

 

I have not asked him about it yet and I'm sitting here shaking. What do I do?

 

I continued I continued searching through the emails right away and discovered last week he emailed an old colleague. A woman. He asked her for some work contact info. He used an old email chain and it showed that this woman must have been an affair from his previous marriage 7 years ago.

 

He asked the woman to go on a work trip to Vegas. Said he wanted to party with her. Then he arranged to see her at a dinner. Then replied a few days later about how he has missed her. It was so good to see her. That she was sexy and he loves sexy women.

 

He must have at some type of affair with her while he was married to his ex!

 

If you were me. What would you do. I feel so stunned.

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Chica80

Chica80

Posted
Posted
No. but is this proof that this is an affair? I am denial obviously.

 

Why did he and first wife divorce?

It all seems very suspicious. Can you look at phone records or other emails?

Internet history?

 

The interaction with 16 yr old is so absolutely wrong, and illegal possibly.

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BettyDraper

BettyDraper

Posted
Posted (edited)

:sick: I am so sorry. The email was disgusting and wanting to "party with a sexy woman" is all kinds of wrong.

 

I wouldn't be able to stay in this marriage but this is your decision.

Edited by BettyDraper
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TunaCat

TunaCat

Posted
Posted

What is the age of consent where you live, OP?

 

I'd bet anything that he has become involved with his daughter's friend and you MUST inform her parents. Regardless of her mad libs thing, this is ENTIRELY inappropriate and his response of "LOL" is telling. He should have shot that down RIGHT AWAY, but he didn't.

 

Do not tell him what you've found until all of your ducks are in a row. And yes, ABSOLUTELY leave the marriage.

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SincereOnlineGuy

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I am stunned that I have to post here and stunned by the circumstances.

 

My husband and I have a 4 year old together and he has a 16 year daughter from a previous marriage. I have felt recently that he has been very talkative, laughing etc with his daughter and her 16 year old friend. Especially her FRIEND.

 

I have expressed worry and said something and he snapped at me and said I was just jealous.

 

He has known this girl for years. He often took his daughter and her friend to movies and the mall etc.

 

Well, this morning I stumbled upon an email this girl that he sent to him. It was a iPhone madlib. The words she inserted were horrible! Wet, horney, cli@, dic@. It went on and on.

 

My husband replied with "LOL".

 

I have not asked him about it yet and I'm sitting here shaking. What do I do?

 

I continued I continued searching through the emails right away and discovered last week he emailed an old colleague. A woman. He asked her for some work contact info. He used an old email chain and it showed that this woman must have been an affair from his previous marriage 7 years ago.

 

He asked the woman to go on a work trip to Vegas. Said he wanted to party with her. Then he arranged to see her at a dinner. Then replied a few days later about how he has missed her. It was so good to see her. That she was sexy and he loves sexy women.

 

He must have at some type of affair with her while he was married to his ex!

 

If you were me. What would you do. I feel so stunned.

 

 

 

I think you, or at least we need more information on all of this.

 

 

We have no idea what the standards are for the 16yo friend...

 

 

Furthermore, I don't really get an automatic-concern vibe about the male parent OF a 16yo seeming merely friendly with a long-time friend of the daughter's.

 

If DAD had sent the smarmy e-mail, then that would be one thing, but a 16yo who the OP has failed to really tell us anything about, is the one who sent the offensive thing.

 

And dad's mere LOL isn't exactly incriminating.

 

 

Additionally, placing into his time frame the context of some email from seven years ago, and before your time with him, AND merely as the result of your snooping based on something flimsy in the way of the story about this 16yo friend of the daughter's, is an inexact science at best.

 

 

LOL - NOT only that, but if two people had the hottest of HOT affairs with one another... in 2009... what are the chance that a now-married man would still HAVE THAT email around... AND wouldn't have something more current in the way of a handy means for contacting THAT woman, when merely wanting "work contact info".

 

 

(this reads more like what you'd do with some acquaintance who you barely gave a cat's ass about, yet knew you had some email from them waaaaaaaaaaay back there... and knew they would be one person who HAD to have the contact info for the 3rd party)

 

 

I'm guessing that the email from 7 years ago was more close to a "mad lib" than was the 'incriminating email FROM the 16yo.

 

 

I mean, was this email that ended up sexually explicit something that somebody could have filled-in with (what we'll call "normal" words) ??? ..that a goofy/nutty/typical-ISH teen just filled-in with smut??

 

 

There are too many questions and variables unanswered for this court of public opinion to offer life-altering advice.

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
Well, this morning I stumbled upon an email this girl that he sent to him. It was a iPhone madlib. The words she inserted were horrible! Wet, horney, cli@, dic@. It went on and on.

 

My husband replied with "LOL".

 

Boy, if that's a joke, it's certainly at the edge of incredibly poor taste - and worse judgement.

 

How did you see the email?

 

Mr. Lucky

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BluesPower

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

First and foremost, if he is screwing the 16 YO or even playing around with her in any way, that is child rape. It has a lot of different names in different states.

 

It is a big time felony in every jurisdiction. You need to go to the cops and divorce him yesterday. He is a sicko if any of this is going on. You first need to be concerned with his daughter and her friends and make sure that no child molestation in going on.

 

Second, He may be having an affair I am not 100% sure on that. But is he cheated once with someone else, he is probably doing it to you.

 

I really think you need to feed him to the sharks and get a divorce ASAP.

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BaileyB

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Bye bye! I would not even think about staying with him.

 

And, I would contact the authorities if you learn that he has had sex with this child. That is criminal.

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ShatteredLady

ShatteredLady

Posted
Posted

Until the OP says where they live we don't know if sexual relations are or aren't illegal. Some places, countries 16 is the legal age on consent.

 

Not that it makes it any less gross!!

 

We don't know if anything has happened but that email is a glaring example of appalling boundary control.

 

If she was my daughter I would be absolutely FURIOUS at YOU!! Another MOTHER has this evidence that my child is vulnerable (at least), being groomed or in a highly inappropriate relationship. This sort of thing will change her life!! She needs her parents to protect her & therapy.

 

 

Young girls are highly sexualized in the western world. Just because 16 year olds emulate their 'pop stars' who in turn do nearly naked photo shoots & videos to sell. Ugh!!

 

In my opinion she is a CHILD. As members of society we have a duty to protect children. If your daughter was having that kind of online relationship with a grown man, the father of one of her friends, how would you feel?

 

PLEASE print off the message from their daughter & TALK TO HER PARENTS!!!

 

Your husband is at best an appalling father figure. Does his daughter use words like that when talking to men? Does his daughter know that he has this kind of relationship with her friend?

 

He isn't a good man!! He is effecting the lives of at least 2 (his own daughter & her friend) VERY YOUNG GIRLS LIVES :sick::sick::sick::sick:

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Davey L

Davey L

Posted
Posted

Slow down a bit here with the suggestions of criminality, that she needs to go to the police etc.

 

Firstly, did he ever text anything other than just "LOL"? Is there any other evidence of inappropriate behaviour?

 

Secondly, if there is any further evidence, what is the age of consent where you are? It's 16 in the UK for example, in which case no law has been broken.

 

If there is evidence a crime has been committed then of course you need to go to the police.

 

If there is evidence of inappropriate behaviour but she is above the age of consent where you live then I feel you should contact the girl's parents. If it your daughter and her friend's father surely you'd want to know?

 

Otherwise, if there's no real evidence I think all you can do is just keep your eyes open on his interactions with this girl.

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standtall

standtall

Posted
Posted

You need a little more info before doing anything. These are going to be distasteful questions....the police most likely are going to investigate the same line.

 

1. Age of consent in your area and how long he has been doing this. Has he done it with anyone else?

2. Has he exchanged pictures with her at all. If so, was your daughter at all involved...ie did she get her friends pictures? Has your daughter exchanged pictures with any other person of herself or other pictures of any other person under 18?

3. Do you have any other children that could be involved?

 

4. Brace yourself and consult a defense attorney if the your answer answer to 2 and 3 is yes, and depending on to 1.

 

5. Get off this website and don't ask for advice here.

 

6. Prepare for a divorce.

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wmacbride

wmacbride

Posted
Posted

Even if your H didn't initiate this oh so humerous exchange between her and the 16 year old, the fact that he didn't tell you about it, doesn't seem concerned and isn't telling her parents or distancing himself from her is telling.

 

It's really quite gross:sick:

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SincereOnlineGuy

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
First and foremost, if he is screwing the 16 YO or even playing around with her in any way, that is child rape.

 

It is a big time felony in every jurisdiction.

 

 

Where do you get your misinformation???

 

 

Screwing a 16yo is perfectly legal in most U.S. states, particularly for those who aren't in a supervisory position (teacher, boss, etc) over the 16yo.

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SincereOnlineGuy

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

So far, the only clarity about anything offered by the OP in this thread is that her husband sent to a 16yo girl an email containing (only) "LOL".

 

I don't even think this guy would qualify for an episode of Jerry Springer with that, let alone be guilty of anything more.

 

The OP has been so vague that nobody here in this thread can know, or even guess with confidence about any of the left-out details.

 

Hopefully the OP will return and actually detail the story.

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Intownup

Intownup

Posted
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Posted (edited)

So I spoke with him.. about both issues. Here's what he said.

 

As for the woman who he was flirtatious with a few years ago...who he recently contacted:

He said that he never touched her.. only flirted because he was in an unhappy marriage (to his ex) and that being flirtatious with that woman gave him increased business success. He said he never did anything wrong.... I said it's TOTALLY WRONG! he said he never cheated and would not.. just had some texts to her that were "merely flirting" He called her sexy....told her how much he missed seeing her....and said she had a great body... I should also point out that he completely lied and said he never said ANY Of this -- (and he already deleted the message in his phone before I confronted him) until I showed him a picture. He swore that he never did any of this until I showed him the picture I took. His lack of memory? He said it had been a few years so he didn't remember....even though he had just deleted the message this morning.

 

As a married man (to me or his ex) i think that's so wrong. He said he would never do that to me.. because it's different.. I told him he should have no further contact with her....it's wrong and inappropriate.. and he said he needs to and that he can't live with my ridiculous rules and if I think he's such a bad guy ...i should just leave.

 

as for the email with the 16 year old girl....he maintains that it was him just being a 'friend" to this girl and his daughter's other friends. Consent here btw is 18. He says he is the cool dad and this girl has also asked him questions (since he's a doctor) about how she could get pregnant and sexual diseases. he says he is a lifesaver for these girls and i am ridiculous to think he would have any other thoughts about these girls. Now, I pointed out to him that I saw him totally check out the ass of his daughter's other friend while we were at a water park recently.

 

He said that I was the one causing problems here and he can't believe I am making an issue over these things and he doesn't know how to feel confident in ME -- with my behavior... He says that he has already talked to the girl's parents before I met him...about her wild behavior. etc. He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me." Honestly I have no idea what he's talking about him.. I am not a criminal. I started crying and he said that I am just a walking danger to him.. and he is prepared to prove he has done nothing wrong...and that I am the one who needs to worry about what he has on me.

 

I also know that his ex wife had banned a neighbor girl from their home (she was around 16) because she was too close to my husband. She was friends of his daughter...only older than her at the time. I only know his side of the story, but he told me again today that his ex was just jealous of the time he spent with his daughter and her friends...and her reaction was completely ridiculous and inappropriate

 

We are at peace now because I cried and told him I just wanted to have him only want me ...and not be flirting with his colleagues like he did his ex.... (since he's back in contact with her) ....OR young women. He says that I just like drama....

 

So what would you do? Would you be comfortable with your spouse talking and working with this woman....considering these developments?

Edited by Intownup
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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
S He says if I want to make a case of this ..."go ahead" and then he said "just so you know...I know SO MUCH MORE ABOUT YOU...than you can even imagine... so don't even try to mess with me...if you want to... be ready to face even more from me." Honestly I have no idea what he's talking about him.. I am not a criminal. I started crying and he said that I am just a walking danger to him.. and he is prepared to prove he has done nothing wrong...and that I am the one who needs to worry about what he has on me.

 

If we accept you don't have a checkered past, then it's hard not to see your huband as a narcissistic bully with sociopathic tendencies.

 

I'd never speak to my wife that way, it indicates a complete lack of respect. Not good...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Intownup

Intownup

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Posted

I do not have a checkered past. I had a financial mess when I was younger. I had a failed business and filed bankruptcy...but backed out at last minute because I wanted to try to pay it off instead.

 

He likes to tell me that I have a suspicious financial past and he thinks my ex husband and I were up to no good. totally not the case. In fact, he had suggested that my ex and I were going to get back together and were trying to plan for me to have my current husband's baby ...so I could divorce him and get child support. It was INSANe and horrible because I was pregnant when he accused me of that!

 

Now...My child is 3 years old and my ex is not in the picture of my child! My current husband is just one of those people who thinks everyone is out to get him.

 

So Mr Lucky...what would you do? I just don't know how to feel. When he has these outbursts... I feel weak and pathetic...

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