Am I wrong or what?

[Marquez8509]

I've been in a relationship now with this woman I really and deeply care about and love for the last 6 months. Many future plans we're putting into action on a daily basis. My problem or not problem but dilemma since it's really not that big but then again not sure. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know, that's why I'm here asking everyone's else's opinion.

 

Now, I have a four year old son who lives with me. She's very receptive of him and treats him as if he were her own in a way. I don't let it go to far because he does have a mother but I let her love him as he were her own. That's not the issue. She has a nephew who she basically raised since birth.

 

Now here's the problem or I think it's one. Currently we aren't living together. We see eachother on the weekends only as if now and not the entire weekend. She comes fridays after work, goes to work Saturday morning and returns Saturday night, stays till Monday when I go back to work.

 

Not enough time for me in my book to spend with the person you care about so much and just want to be with all day everyday. Now we go out on the regular just her and I or her myself and my son, majority of the time with her nephew as well, her "inherrited" son. A lot of the times I don't bring along my son because I want us, her and I to spend time together and things I like to do you can't really bring a child with. So I plan her time just her and I. Now on the other hand she always has to invite her nephew to everything, everywhere, no matter where it is we may go. Football games she wants him to come. I don't say no outright but I give hints. I like to tailgate at games meaning there's drinking involved, games get out of hand at time and not even that I just want to be with u and no one else, if I wanted kids around don't u think I would bring my son around. If I don't bring or invite my son with us why the hell would I want ur 13 year old nephew with us��.

 

I don't tell her how I feel about it cuz everytime I discuss her nephew with her she changes topic and brings up a million excuses. So it bothers her, but it damn sure bothers me also. To the point where I find myself thinking about so I want to continue this with her.

 

Am I being selfish? She constantly wants him around, he's not my son I have no attachment to him what so ever and not to be mean but he's not my type of kid. He's to prissy, lady like and just I'm sorry to say but an out right punk of a kid. We're planning on buying a house next year together and she wants to get a two family home so her sister and her nephew can move with us. If she always wants him around now and he always and I mean always wants to be around her excuse my language but can you ****in imagine how it would if they were to move with us. It would never be her and I, or her I and my son.

 

Her getting involved with me from the beginning she knew I came with a son and she's accepted it. Me on the other hand didn't know about her "inherited"son. Which I wouldn't have a problem with but he's just always ****in around or our days get cut short cuz he has something with school or just wants her to be in her house with him, mind you he lives with his mother. Way way more to the reason of how I feel towards it but I would go on forever and we only been together 6 months.

 

But my question is, are my feelings towards it valid, am I being selfish or just, what am I being. Am I wrong or am I right, to feel this way or what? Long run this could be the reason why "the one " meaning the one person you come to find in your life you actually want to spend the rest of your life with might not work out. Do I have to learn to suck it up? Or do I tell her? And if I do and she still doesn't get it, what then?

Edited September 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T

[devilish innocent]

Her and him seem to be a package deal. Just like you and your son are a package deal. There's a reason why blended families have a much higher divorce rate than non-blended families. You really have to want to share your life with the whole family. You can't just want one member of it, and feel like you're putting up with the rest. I don't know if it matters that he's not her actual son since they spend every week-end together, and she wants him and his mother living in the same vicinity.

 

I wouldn't worry about her being "the one". There are always other options. When you're first falling for somebody, you tend to feel like you're perfect for each other. After that is when you really see whether or not you are actually a good fit for each other. Something like this issue is exactly the sort of thing that can indicate it's not meant to be. It means it's time to part ways and continue your search.

[mrs rubble]

I've been in a relationship now with this woman I really and deeply care about and love for the last 6 months. Many future plans we're putting into action on a daily basis. My problem or not problem but dilemma since it's really not that big but then again not sure. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know, that's why I'm here asking everyone's else's opinion.

 

Now, I have a four year old son who lives with me. She's very receptive of him and treats him as if he were her own in a way. I don't let it go to far because he does have a mother but I let her love him as he were her own. That's not the issue. She has a nephew who she basically raised since birth.

 

Now here's the problem or I think it's one. Currently we aren't living together. We see eachother on the weekends only as if now and not the entire weekend. She comes fridays after work, goes to work Saturday morning and returns Saturday night, stays till Monday when I go back to work.

 

Not enough time for me in my book to spend with the person you care about so much and just want to be with all day everyday. Now we go out on the regular just her and I or her myself and my son, majority of the time with her nephew as well, her "inherrited" son. A lot of the times I don't bring along my son because I want us, her and I to spend time together and things I like to do you can't really bring a child with. So I plan her time just her and I. Now on the other hand she always has to invite her nephew to everything, everywhere, no matter where it is we may go. Football games she wants him to come. I don't say no outright but I give hints. I like to tailgate at games meaning there's drinking involved, games get out of hand at time and not even that I just want to be with u and no one else, if I wanted kids around don't u think I would bring my son around. If I don't bring or invite my son with us why the hell would I want ur 13 year old nephew with us��.

 

I don't tell her how I feel about it cuz everytime I discuss her nephew with her she changes topic and brings up a million excuses. So it bothers her, but it damn sure bothers me also. To the point where I find myself thinking about so I want to continue this with her.

 

Am I being selfish? She constantly wants him around, he's not my son I have no attachment to him what so ever and not to be mean but he's not my type of kid. He's to prissy, lady like and just I'm sorry to say but an out right punk of a kid. We're planning on buying a house next year together and she wants to get a two family home so her sister and her nephew can move with us. If she always wants him around now and he always and I mean always wants to be around her excuse my language but can you ****in imagine how it would if they were to move with us. It would never be her and I, or her I and my son.

 

Her getting involved with me from the beginning she knew I came with a son and she's accepted it. Me on the other hand didn't know about her "inherited"son. Which I wouldn't have a problem with but he's just always ****in around or our days get cut short cuz he has something with school or just wants her to be in her house with him, mind you he lives with his mother. Way way more to the reason of how I feel towards it but I would go on forever and we only been together 6 months.

 

But my question is, are my feelings towards it valid, am I being selfish or just, what am I being. Am I wrong or am I right, to feel this way or what? Long run this could be the reason why "the one " meaning the one person you come to find in your life you actually want to spend the rest of your life with might not work out. Do I have to learn to suck it up? Or do I tell her? And if I do and she still doesn't get it, what then?

You are in no way ready to buy a house with this woman, you need to work on your communication skills and start discussing your feelings, don't let her interupt or change the subject, if she cares about you, she will care enough to listen to your feelings and concerns.

[Marquez8509]

Me and this women of six months who both of us love eachother deeply don't have any major problems or any problems for that matter. She's very attractive and intelligent for that matter. I don't fall far from the tree either, I'm very handsome as I've been told plenty and don't have any issues finding women to with. That being said I'm. It a womanizer by any chance. Our lifestyles are completely opposite but at the same time my lifestyle in which I've lived in the past is completely different I'm not the same person I was one.

I don for many reasons have my issues with insecurity and now sine being together with her and leaving my past lifestyle alone have jealously issues which I try to overcome little by little. She hasn't done anything to make me jealous in purpose. It as I said she is very very attractive and has a lot going for her so of course she receives many compliments and come on's which every woman gets, that's unavoidable. But being a man I no how men are and it sometimes bothers. Not bothers but one can't change that.

My insecurity issues are on another level. Without asking she's given me her passwords to everything. Phone, email, everything. She trusts me as I trust in her, but with past relationships and me living a different lifestyle before and doing the things I've once done I question everything she tells me. I question it to myself not to her. Like I said she hasn't given me any reason to think other wise, but for some reason I still do. I don't tell her anything I feel insecurity wise cuz I wouldn't want it to be an ending to what good we have now not to mention the relationship we have now which is great. Her giving me all her pass codes is that something to worry about?

Very first date we went to a pool hall. Second date I invited her to a weekend getaway with me and a few friends and their women to the poconoes. We hit it off so why not move fast. Time together doesn't matter from what I've seen over the years. She told me she loved me first. She tells me she wants to have a child with me and when the tie comes she would love to be my wife and all the good stuff. I believe her because it's only been six months but I've met her entire family only 3 months into the relationship.

My thing is she's constantly on her phone texting away. Her and her family are very very close, and when I say very close I meant it. As bout as close as the color white in rice. They have a group chat that's constantly going off and she shows me everytime a text comes in, regardless of who it is.

She says she has nothing to hide and I believe her but like I said my last life and things I've done give me the insecurities I have and I don't no if they will ever go away. She's also very social and friendly. My thing is do I have anything to worry about or am I just creating something in my mind that can eventually end this good thing that we have. Is my thinking messed up? Advice please.

[Mr. Lucky]

Neither you nor your relationship are ready for marriage. You've only known her for 6 months, have issues with her nephew and general insecurities about her commitment.

 

Why on earth would you want to rush into anything permanent? Bad, bad idea...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Marquez8509]

Its not that i have general insecurities about her commitment because she has never given me a reason to think that she was doing something behind my back. Before getting together she had told me what it was she was looking for. That she wanted to settle down with someone and have a family. she has no kids of her own. That she's been cheated on countless times before and she has nor the time or room for that to happen to her again. That shes ready to make a commitment and a huge purchase on a house and that when shes in a relationship she doesn't do the stepping outside the relationship.

Shes told me that when other guys shes dated or been in relationships with cheated on her she still stayed with them because she could never be the one to break it off or even do the same to them, so she stayed. she needs for that person to tell her its over. So its not that i have insecurities about her commitment to me. The insecurities come from my past and what i have done in my past.

My past life was nothing to look up to. We all have our hardships and my life was not a life worth looking up to nor living back then. When you come from the streets you do things your not proud of. When it comes to women of my past i haven't been the best person for many. I've cheated countless times. I'm not proud of it in anyway but my choice of lifestyle had women coming in and out of it on a weekly basis if not on a daily basis. So this is where my insecurities come from. Your past and what you've done eats at you, and i just feel like it might one day catch up to me. That's what i'm scared of. For the first time in my life I've found someone who i really care about and see myself with. Not only that but she makes me a better person and want to do better for myself. Because of her i'm back in school going for my degree and countless other things. Had it not been for her i probably would still not care about myself like i always have. She makes me the person i know i can be and want to be. Its sad i couldn't do it for myself but happy i'm actually doing it now.

I dont really have a problem with her nephew I just see it as him interfering with everything. Before we met and started our relationship he would stay with her on the weekends. Now that shes with someone which is me hes not able to do it anymore so when the opportunity arises for him to do something, wether it be for school, appointments of anything he has or just what ever he wants her, his aunt to take him or do it with him. He most likely feels left out now but at the same time as i tell her, his aunt, she has her own life to live. That isnt your son and stop babying him as you do. He has to understand that his aunt needs to be happy also and if shes happy with me which she is let her be. Grow up and be a man, do things on your own. Maybe i say that because ive done it. Basically all on my own and had little help along the way. maybe i need to open my eyes and see that this kid is just a kid. Completely different from me and all the years of having things done for him has made him spoiled and a real pain in the ass.