Dewylawn Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 So I'm set to get married this weekend, but my fiancé says the house won't really be ready for move in until after the wedding. I'll probably actually move in about a week or so afterwards. I'm hardly ever at his place now and won't be there for a couple of weeks after we are married. I find that ridiculous. Am I overreacting? Little background: we've been engaged for a year already and changed the wedding date from last month to this month. He has mentioned before he has felt rushed due to needing to clean the house properly before my moving in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 How long has this wedding planning been going on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Exactly how messy is his place that he needs 6+ weeks to clean it? You mentioned that you're hardly ever at his place. Was it in shambles when you did visit? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dewylawn Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 How long has this wedding planning been going on? There wasn't much planning really (we're eloping I guess you would call it) but we've had plans since June. He even mentioned having a ceremony in late July but it didn't happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dewylawn Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 Exactly how messy is his place that he needs 6+ weeks to clean it? You mentioned that you're hardly ever at his place. Was it in shambles when you did visit? His bathroom is disgusting usually, I'll give him that, but I never really go upstairs so I'm not really sure how bad it is. He's got no pets, lives alone, and is usually home by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Tell him to hire a maid....or just go help him. Its going to be your house too now. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 You haven't seen all of his house? sounds like stalling 5 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 His bathroom is disgusting usually, I'll give him that, but I never really go upstairs so I'm not really sure how bad it is. He's got no pets, lives alone, and is usually home by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. So the bathroom is disgusting, and you haven't seen most of the dwelling you're committing to live in. Why haven't you insisted on seeing the rest of his place...the place that is to be your future home? More importantly, are you sure you want to live with a complete slob? It may sound trivial now, but I've seen marriages crumble over the squalor and filth. If he can't be bothered before you marry, rest assured it won't improve afterwards. The conditions will only deteriorate to new levels of grossness. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 OK OP, sorry to break it to you but He even mentioned having a ceremony in late July but it didn't happen. he's what's known as a "future faker" His bathroom is disgusting usually, I'll give him that, and you want to move in with this guy?! So are you happy to wipe his pee off the loo seat and the floor for ever and a day ?! is usually home by 3 or 4 in the afternoon. and he can't do a bit of cleaning ?! Whaaaat? angel.eyes sums it up here; are you sure you want to live with a complete slob? It may sound trivial now, but I've seen marriages crumble over the squalor and filth. If he can't be bothered before you marry, rest assured it won't improve afterwards. The conditions will only deteriorate to new levels of grossness. Take care OP x 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 You haven't seen all of his house? sounds like stalling Sounds like to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Sounds like this to me. Spot on ! :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dewylawn Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 I've actually seen the house before, just not recently. I was planning on doing a full scale cleaning myself anyway, but he's embarrassed by how unclean the place is. His words, not mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Dewylawn, Words fail me they really do. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him, cleaning up his $h!£ ??? Does he really want a wife or a sexual housekeeper ? Your choice...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Sounds like to me. Oh Satu you don't say much but when you do it's always a killer post! Ya there are so many things wrong with this scenario...I'm still trying to figure out how you could agree to move in with this man into his house and never have seen the entire house? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 This is just bizarre all around. Several questions: How have you never really seen the upper floor of the house you'll be living in? You said the wedding didn't happen in July-why? Are there definite plans to actually get married this weekend? Why won't he let you help clean to expedite this whole process? I agree with a couple others, it sounds like he is stalling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 I never really go upstairs so I'm not really sure how bad it is. You are certainly the exception to the rule. Most women I know a week away from moving into a man's house would have preemptively measured every inch for new curtains and carpet. Just in case :eek:... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dewylawn Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 This is just bizarre all around. Several questions: How have you never really seen the upper floor of the house you'll be living in? You said the wedding didn't happen in July-why? Are there definite plans to actually get married this weekend? Why won't he let you help clean to expedite this whole process? I agree with a couple others, it sounds like he is stalling. Yes I've seen the entire house before. He mentioned in mid-June about the late-July ceremony, but come to find out he claimed it was too soon. There are definite plans for this weekend, but nothing that can't be cancelled. I plan to bring up helping out to him today and see what response I get. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Tell him you're not getting married until the house is ready. Insist on inspecting it first. He then has two choices. 1. He can sort it out in the next two days. Work like a madman, hire professionals, get his friends and family to help, whatever. 2. Postpone the wedding again. Which he does will tell you how serious he is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 There are definite plans for this weekend, but nothing that can't be cancelled. I plan to bring up helping out to him today and see what response I get. Are there other participants and/or guests involved in the wedding? I'm trying to understand how everyone's schedules are so flexible they can accommodate these postponements... Me. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Mr. Lucky, she said that theirs was an elopement sort of, so I guess there will be only a few close friends who can modify their schedules to suit them, who will witness the wedding. There hasn't been any mention of parents on either side so it does not seem that they are involved especially if it is an elopement. That, in itself, seems to raise concerns. Dewey wish you all the very best but the fact that you came to this forum to vent about something like this so close to your wedding raises some questions. Are you fully comfortable with marrying this guy or is something in the back of your mind worrying you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Too many red flags do not marry him, he does not want to marry you but does not know how to tell you so he keeps on making excuses. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Tell him you're not getting married until the house is ready. Insist on inspecting it first. He then has two choices. 1. He can sort it out in the next two days. Work like a madman, hire professionals, get his friends and family to help, whatever. 2. Postpone the wedding again. Which he does will tell you how serious he is. Both options are problematic. The first is not sustainable long-term. Working like a madman...hiring professionals to clean...etc. Then what? He sinks back into a life of sloth and laziness as soon as the deadline is past? OP, please look carefully at what you would be signing up for with this guy. As far as the second, how interested can a guy really be in a lifetime commitment if he keeps postponing the wedding? He's stalling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Let me tell you my story, and I hope it helps you. I was 22, and thought it was love. I wanted the nice pretty wedding, he didn't want to have any part of it, he didn't want to walk down the isle, or go into a church, or have family around. it upset me but I was "ok". He asked me to marry him, but didn't want to work for any part of it, the red flags were waving, but I wish I would of been slapping me in the face. We went to the JP and we both said "yeah" ... What man wouldn't allow us girls to have that wedding we want? This is our day, they need to make sure we are getting it, any man that can't do that, they aren't going to make marriage anything but their way. Put him on the spot, make it right, if he can't do it, then you need to leave. canceling wedding plans and acting like that reminded me of the hell I had until I said see-ya. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 If having a messy house and horrible domestic skills were valid reasons to postpone a wedding, most guys would never be married. As others here have said there is something wrong. Go inspect the place. Hire a cleaning service for a one time thorough cleaning. If he balks, you will know the messy house is simply an excuse. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Wow, not very often you hear of someone actually waiting until after their wedding to move in, good for you. But something is very suspicious about this. I can get that their might be a fair bit of work for him to get his house set up for you to move everything in, but shouldn't you be able to move in with your essentials? There are red flags galore here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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