eightytwenty Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Basically I'll start out by saying we're both late twenties (27&28). Dated for about 6 months before finding out I was pregnant. He lived 10 hours away (yes a long distance relationship) we were seeing each other every other weekend. Now I remember that we talked on his way to work (45 minutes) and on his way home. then texted goodnight, which was pretty normal. I hated it but that was sort of him. He moved in last November, got a great job, and all was well. But I'm really getting tired of this routine he pulls. Mornings, he is the NOISEST person getting ready in the morning. slamming drawers, starting the dryer to unwrinkled his clothes, showers, I mean we have a 6 month old and he wakes him. leaves towels everywhere, dirty clothes on the floor. After work, he'll call and that is our time to talk. After he pulls up, its STRAIGHT to the xbox and bed. Clothes beside the bed. Then asks me what's for dinner. I just worked 8 hours too, and our child goes with me to work. I sometimes just want to punch him when I do get angry he'll turn on Netflix. but he asks me to get beer for him, pretty much every beer. it's been like this since we got him that xbox, and I'm about to flip the heck out! He has to do business trips everyonce in awhile. Before that, I traveled better much every weekend, that's how we met. Now I'm home. ALL THE TIME. I want to get away from the baby (haven't been away from him but 3 times a full day, and every Wednesday night lately) he starts saying "mommy doesn't love you, that's why she's giving you to me".. Now first few times was funny, now... no. So this week he's in key west for his job. Our bank account shows he was bar hopping last night. Which is fine, but when I call "can't talk it's too loud" or "I'm good just in meetings" after I tell him I want him to talk to me more.. That hurts, I'm sitting at home, alone, and he can't walk his ass outside to talk. which I've gotten 2 calls in the last 48 hours. this last call he asked if I was ok, I said fine, he asked about our son, I said fine again. No it wasn't a great tone, but I was working, so he says whatever bye, I just hung up. Sent him a message earlier telling him I loved him but we need figure out this whole no communication thing, but no answer from him. He called me like 5 times last Saturday (hows it going, what are you doing, when are you coming home) when I was gone, but it's a pain in the butt for him to take a call, or call me. I mean from apart from me being as dirty as he is to get his attention about cleaning the house, finally acting pissed he doesn't care, or doesn't act like it. sex is barely there, I'm stressed out beyond belief, but anything that is rocky for him he shuts down. We're going to his parents house next weekend and he promised a day to ourselves, I don't even want to go at this point. Is this us settling, is this me going crazy, depression, I swear I don't know what to do, new parents? We're starting to get financing for a house, he doesn't want to be engaged until we get the house stuff first. House first, marriage later. I'm starting to get pissed. What to do? talking doesn't work for longer that a week. fyi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Is this us settling, is this me going crazy, depression, I swear I don't know what to do, new parents? We're starting to get financing for a house, he doesn't want to be engaged until we get the house stuff first. House first, marriage later. I'm starting to get pissed. What to do? talking doesn't work for longer that a week. fyi Get thee to marriage counseling. Lots of moving parts to your relationship and it would be nice if they all fit together smoothly - rarely happens that way. Somewhere there's a list of the 10 major changes we experience in life, you're doing 6-7 of them at once. Stressful for both of you. Communication is the key but it's sorely lacking in your relationship. You both need to learn to actively listen and a good therapist can get you most of the way there. Hope you're taking steps to prevent additional pregnancies before you're ready, enough on your plate now. Might be hard to believe but it does get better from here. Welcome to LoveShack, keep posting... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 Hope you're taking steps to prevent additional pregnancies before you're ready, enough on your plate now. Mr. Lucky I was on the depo shot for 6 years and had him. Wasn't planing on this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Why do you have joint bank accounts if you aren't married? Not a good move for either of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Agreed. No joint bank accounts. My first thought after reading your post is that you are trying to have a relationship with a boy who has not grown up. He has no concept of the responsibility it is to manage a home and care for a wife/child. Marriage counselling would be a great first step. If not, I can imagine that these resentments will only continue to grow over time... I know that they would for me! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 Its not joint like together. But linked. We can see each others but we each have our account number and debit card. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Is this us settling.... Unfortunately, it's YOU settling. For an irresponsible, emotionally stunted, lazy ass man-child who looks at you as his mommy, nanny, housekeeper, barmaid, personal assistant, laundress, cook, daycare provider, and general all-around step 'n fetch it girl - who works a full time job on TOP of everything else you do. Yeah, your cup runneth over. I've said it before and I'll say it again, most women work twice as hard as men in a marriage or relationship and it's probably the most thankless job you'll ever have. This fool seems to think he lives in a hotel where all his creature comforts should be provided for him so he can act like a dumbass teenager and play childish video games all night while YOU do all the work. My conclusion? You're raising two kids. Except your child will eventually grow up and evolve. Your man-child? Not so much. He just brings NOTHING to the table. Nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 You need to get this sorted before you get in any deeper financially. DO NOT BUY a house together until you are married, (if that ever happens). He is living with you and treating you like his Mom. I am struggling to see what he brings to your party, he is no support, he hardly speaks to you, there is no sex and when he is away he acts like a single guy. He has a great life, my guess is that he will not be willing to change anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 eightytwenty, I've been where you are and it's frustrating, depressing and crazy-making. You've got a needy, entitled man-child on your hands as well as a real child. How old are you both BTW? If he can't step up to the plate and start behaving like a responsible adult with a child, you're going to have to review your situation. You need to have a serious talk with him and make sure he knows that there will be consequences if he doesn't put his big-boy pants on and pull his weight in this relationship. In the meantime look at options for moving out. I hope he will see sense but I have my doubts, sorry x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 You've been together now for 18 months or so? Well, the rose coloured glasses have come off and it looks like you've found yourself a totally rude, selfish slob. He's not going to change and you'll never be happy. Not to mention, your relationship will be a horrible model for your child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 You get what you accept. Print out your post and read it to him. Tell him THIS is how you feel, and you'd like to know what he thinks about it all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) His mother called last night because he couldn't get ahold of me. She asked if everything was ok, and quote "Is my son treating you alright". So I took the chance of unloading on her, which I wouldn't do because I think that's crossing the line, but since she brought it up. game on. He's had a maid/nanny all his life, and college life he lived dirty in a frat house. Which his roommate said he would never live with him, because it was gross. His parents are amazing people, and a very solid couple. She said she would talk to him, and was very displeased with how her son is acting and not being what she raised him to me. She said he never learned how to do all these things when he was younger, but doesn't mean he can't do it now. He finally broke down after his mother talked to him, and said he was sick to death of the house we live in, so he doesn't care about it. Which I hate it too so much.He always had dinner ready, and thought I liked doing it. He said it felt like I was getting pissed when he tried. Well yes because then its a bigger mess for me to clean. He said when we go to his parents house he'll get some grilling lessons from his dad. He actually said we'll move the xbox to the living room. I compromised and said, How about we get chores done, eat dinner, give a bath to our kiddo and since our son goes to bed at 8, he can play after that. He said that's fine. He said he's on his feet all day with the new promotion walking lanes so that's why he's been so lazy lately. He did say this was a lot of change for him, moving 8 hours away, first time living with a female, not having friends around, and he did get into a nasty habit of being lazy. He said commutation is hard with me because I'm just in a foul mood all the time, and he took the blame. He said this was the break he needed since our son was born, something more than just meetings, and I agree he hasn't gotten out at all, besides business trips (and bars that are close) He said a few beers at a bar isn't him living the single life, and I'm being overdramatic. We are going to his parents, he said we need to get away so he planned a eventful day/night and got a hotel so we can sleep in all away from the baby. I think pulling the mom card was good, she said she knew we were both stressed out, and having no family here with no help, is tough in its self. he said I need to open up and be serious with him instead of holding it all in. He can't fix what he doesn't know. So we'll see. I think his mom gave him a good tongue lashing. Which we both need to talk more, instead of letting it boil. He asked if I realized he did all laundry, all the dishes done besides the metal ones, and baby bottles before he left and put them up. And I didn't so I feel like a bit of a jerk since I thought everything was under the pans. So yeah. I think he'll get the point, I'm sure he'll hear more about it when his Dad gets ahold of him. Since his Dad does all the chores around the house besides laundry that the maid does. LOL Edited September 16, 2016 by eightytwenty 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eightytwenty Posted September 20, 2016 Author Share Posted September 20, 2016 (edited) edited****** Edited September 20, 2016 by eightytwenty Link to post Share on other sites
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