Tamales Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 My husband plays video games non-stop. I don't even mind most of the time because I like watching TV by myself or watching YouTube videos about my own hobbies. But, last night I dropped my hamster on the floor and she hit her head. I put her back in her cage and went back a while later to check on her and I thought she was having a seizure. I called for my husband and he had to finish his current battle in the game before he could come help me. She wasn't actually having a seizure so he said it wasn't a big deal but it was to me. He spends at least 4 hours on his computer playing video games a day and he couldn't come when I was scared and needed him? I don't want him to put his video games before me or the life of anything and now I'm worried he will treat our children the same way if we have kids together. He made a big deal about how he can't play that type of game where you can't pause it because he has to be my "servant" at my call. But I just want him to be able to come when there's an emergency. I hate that he has to be so overdramatic and say he can never play that type of game just because I want him to come if there's an emergency or I need his help. Am I really asking for too much? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 My husband plays video games non-stop. I don't even mind most of the time because I like watching TV by myself or watching YouTube videos about my own hobbies. But, last night I dropped my hamster on the floor and she hit her head. I put her back in her cage and went back a while later to check on her and I thought she was having a seizure. I called for my husband and he had to finish his current battle in the game before he could come help me. She wasn't actually having a seizure so he said it wasn't a big deal but it was to me. He spends at least 4 hours on his computer playing video games a day and he couldn't come when I was scared and needed him? I don't want him to put his video games before me or the life of anything and now I'm worried he will treat our children the same way if we have kids together. He made a big deal about how he can't play that type of game where you can't pause it because he has to be my "servant" at my call. But I just want him to be able to come when there's an emergency. I hate that he has to be so overdramatic and say he can never play that type of game just because I want him to come if there's an emergency or I need his help. Am I really asking for too much? What should I do? The time to fight about video games is NOT when someone is playing one. That much I know. I love video games, and always have. They are exciting and stressful and require concentration and strategic thought, and all that. I admit, it can be VERY annoying when you've spent a half hour trying to finish some level and someone from another room needs something you think isn't that important. THAT SAID... if it's an issue, you need to bring it up with him at a time when he's not playing. In fact I'd bring it up over a dinner out, or an afternoon at the beach. Instead of telling him that hes playing too much, tell him that you miss him, and want to spend more time doing stuff together in the evenings. Hell, maybe even try a game or two with him. I'm sure he'd love to show you his interests. My wife is on her phone all the time. LIke, never without it, and almost never not staring at it. When I call her out on it she gets defensive. But if, earlier in the day I ask her to come for a hike, and ask her NOT to bring her phone, she gets it, and understands that I'm looking for some undivided attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 It's not so much the game, as his priorities. I'm a big gamer, so I understand, that said he needs to prioritze what's important. You, your pets, and eventually your children should all take priority. I used to play the games where you couldn't pause or stop. Other people you played with were depending on you and you're part of a team..blah..blah..blah. I get it, I really do. I still play games multiple times a in a week. BUT, I no longer play games where I can't hit pause and walk away. The things that are happening in RL around me, are more important than what's happening on screen. Anyone that doesn't realize that, needs to re-evaluate. If you can't risk your character dying, or are afraid of what others will think of you if you have to leave a game to take care of a problem, then you've got bigger issues than game playing IMO. Talk to him about how that incident bothered you. Try to make clear it's not the game playing so much that bothers you, as where he places in his priorities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 This is definitely something to sort BEFORE you guys start a family. My H is a big gamer & he smokes so he goes into the garage to do both. Working he's out of the house for at least 10 hours a day. I have no problems with his hobbies but psychologically it seemed when the kids were little that his 'Real Life' didn't start until they were asleep (& he could go camp in the garage). I would want to talk so he started delaying real (headphones on) gaming until later. Then I felt like he was waiting for ME to sleep so his 'Real Life' could start. The older the kids got, the later they went to bed so the later he stayed-up playing. In the end he was coming to bed 1-2am (that messes with sex life too) & getting-up at 6.30 (alarm going from 6am) sleep deprivation seriously effects his mood & starts a depressive cycle!! Gaming can be so obsessive & emersive that EVERYTHING takes a 2nd place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 It sounds to me like you both are being way way way overdramatic. You think that him not dropping the game and coming immediately because the hamster is doing something strange is pretty far in left field. It's a hamster. Really, that's like not even a cat. Most countries, their pests that need exterminating. And if it was having a seizure and dying for real---what exactly do you think he could do about it? Is he a vet? oh wait, let me guess, that hamster is a huge part of your life that can't be replaced and has been with you since 2nd grade science... forgetting that they're like $10 bucks a pet store... And him, saying that when he's playing and you call him it's you summoning a servant... yeah, that's in left field too. I don't need to explain why--it's self evident. I think you two probably make a really good couple, both overdramatic. Just make sure that if you do have children they get put into drama/theater where they can use that skill for something other than manipulating each other. You know that his reaction to potential hamster disaster has more to do with him prioritizing video games over hamster time than it does with his potential as a father. And he knows that when you're calling while he's playing it's not because you think he's your servant. My suggestion is twofold. Coordinate specific scheduled uninterrupted videogame time for him or come to an agreement on what's worth interrupting him for. Do you want him interrupting you during the live broadcast of the season finale of your fav show? Because this tit-for-tat malarkey is gonna head down that path if unaddressed. And don't address while he's playing--like the very wise TAB said. Link to post Share on other sites
GreyKitten87 Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 I image some gamers may get very defensive reading your post, but the problem is not his gaming, it's his priorities (although I will say his gaming is also a problem, but sounds like you are used to it and accept it). I complete see where you are coming from. Your pet fell and is acting strange; the fact that it was okay is besides the point. The issue here is something upsetting/stressful happened to you and your partner was not there for you. End of story. What is you have children and something happens? Is he going to finish his game first? How are you supposed to feel if you can't depend on him for you, then how are you to depend on him for care of children? The hamster may not be important to him, but it is important to you and that's what matters. I do not think you are overreacting but seems like the priorities in your relationship are way off. It sounds like he just plays games and you watch TV/youtube... what do you do together and where is the romance/support/hobbies together? Or has it reached more of a roommate relationship status? If it's the latter then that's probably why he is overreacting like that because you are not his top priority and he is engulfed in his game instead. I'm glad your hamster is okay :) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamales Posted August 6, 2016 Author Share Posted August 6, 2016 Thank you to everyone who gave your thoughts and advice. I talked with the my husband and we read your replies together. We agreed we were both being a bit overdramatic. He said he will play that type of game less and we will spend more time together and if we have children he wouldn't prioritize video games over them. Thank you:bunny: (I used that emoji because it looks like a hamster) Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 I think it's a bit much to extrapolate that he wouldn't care about his hypothetical children just because he doesn't much care about a hamster. I mean, the two are VERY different. Lots of people forget to water their plants and let them die, but don't forget to feed their children. That being said, is this really just about the hamster? Or is he neglectful towards you in general? Do you both get quality time together or does he spend ALL his time off work playing? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamales Posted August 6, 2016 Author Share Posted August 6, 2016 I think it's a bit much to extrapolate that he wouldn't care about his hypothetical children just because he doesn't much care about a hamster. I mean, the two are VERY different. Lots of people forget to water their plants and let them die, but don't forget to feed their children. That being said, is this really just about the hamster? Or is he neglectful towards you in general? Do you both get quality time together or does he spend ALL his time off work playing? We spend time together. Before we go to bed we go on a walk around the neighborhood everyday. We go out to eat often and we go to the bar with our friends on the weekends. This was just a big fight we had and we kept fighting about it over and over so I wanted opinions from others. If you didn't see my last post I showed him my thread and we read the comments together. He realized he should be more attentive and available to me if I need him, and I realized he just made a mistake and I shouldn't make a big deal about a little situation Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Glad we could help! Sorry if I sounded harsh in my response. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts