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My husband spent $11,200 on cell phone games in less than 2 years!!!!


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 1st July 2016, 3:52 AM   #16
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We've been talking and he's agreed to give over half of our finances to me in my own bank account. Which is one step in the right direction.

I agree about the counseling, however my problems lie in how easily forgiving I have been and how I go back to acting like things are normal for the sake of peace. This has backfired because he doesn't make long term change. He also continues to tell me "he doesn't need counseling". This is part of why I think he's got some narcissistic issues and I don't want them to get worse.

I also want to make sure I find a counselor who understand's what I am dealing with. In the past he's gone to the point of crying when I was leaving and desperation/begging/false promises of change and I agree to stay only to experience these outbursts weeks later. When I confided in a friend about his actions she assumed there was something I was "doing" that was making him do these horrible things.

I ended that friendship and have been worried about finding a female counselor who has this same time of mentality...always placing blame on the woman. This worries me.

I am not perfect. I will yell and say mean things or I finally disconnect and shut down but only after his continual disregard of my feelings. He wants to control the entire conversation and explain things over and over and over. It's like he's intentionally trying to drive me insane. The worse part is my feelings of being in danger or that of my child, calling me stupid/ignorant/dumb if I don't appreciate him saying racist/hateful things in front of my child, him telling me I take other peoples sides about road rage incidents, his inability to let me get space when we have disagreements by entering the room/constant yelling/slamming/intimidation and fear tactics in order to get me to talk "on his time", his control mechanisms at threatening my home/food/car/phone/glasses to see if I don't agree or say what he wants to hear.

I can't even think straight because I am always worried about hurting his feelings/ego or making him feel like we have to agree on everything. It's like I can't be my own person. As I said before, things have gotten better. We argue maybe once every couple of months, when it used to be several times a week. It's been quite great over the last year.

I just can't deal with finding out in another 2 years some devastating secret, whether it's financial or what. I don't have these types of issues. I am not responsible for his actions. I don't want to be counseled by a self hating female/blame the victim type.

I've contacted a friend out of state and she's consented to us coming to stay with her if I decide to leave. I've also made it clear to my husband that we cannot be close. I will be cordial and respectful, in order to cease all fighting, however things are not the same as before and he cannot try to make up for it with a simple "I'm sorry" or by spending money on me.

I was also reading about how I need to stop covering for his behavior and share it, so I've made sure to tell those who are closest to me about what is going on.

I know we deserve to be respected and treated with love. I also know that nobody is perfect but these behaviors are overstepping serious boundaries and will have serious consequences if they aren't fixed. I can't fix him...he has to want to do this and I have to focus on having a healthy safe and supportive birth in the next few weeks.

I will say I've placed everything with God and continue to pray. Please pray for this family and for him to be heavily convicted to make change.
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Old 8th July 2016, 4:21 PM   #17
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Boundaries

Quote:
Originally Posted by colouroflove View Post
We've been talking and he's agreed to give over half of our finances to me in my own bank account. Which is one step in the right direction.
...

I know we deserve to be respected and treated with love. I also know that nobody is perfect but these behaviors are overstepping serious boundaries and will have serious consequences if they aren't fixed. I can't fix him...he has to want to do this and I have to focus on having a healthy safe and supportive birth in the next few weeks.

I will say I've placed everything with God and continue to pray. Please pray for this family and for him to be heavily convicted to make change.
I am so glad that you have been able to talk some and work out some of the finances. Have you ever heard of the book Boundaries? This is the first one that domes to mind but I have recently bought a few on Borderline Personality Disorder also because my son was dating someone who struggled with this issue. I find that it helps a lot to read resources about the problems that I find myself in.

I will definitely pray for you. You am doing the right thing by putting everything in God's hands. He alone can solve a situation that is as big as yours.

Dear Lord, I pray that you will help this precious wife and mom, that you will convict her husband of his gambling problem and that he will realize how much his young family needs him and how much more wisely the money could be used to bless his family and others. I pray for physical protection against any harm, and that she has a healthy delivery of this little one. It is a privilege to talk with you about this family. Amen
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Old 8th July 2016, 4:25 PM   #18
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Yeah no, if there is a God, he's got better things to do than to magically cure your husbands' pathological lying. Only your husband, and a good therapist, can do that.
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