Melan Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Hi there, I am a first time poster, long time lurker. I am looking for some different takes on my situation. My partner (26) and I (26) have been together for over five years. For the past 2 years he has been living 2 hours away, but coming back to see me every weekend (the majority of his friends and family live in my city, and I am unable to drive for medical reasons). Over the past few months I have sensed distance between us and have kept trying to bring it up and express that I wanted to work on that, but did not get much back to work with. It happened very slowly but I could tell he was pulling away. Finally, he has told me that he doesn’t have the same feelings for me anymore which was very difficult to hear. Of course I wanted to know more, because whilst I realised things weren’t the best between us I was not on the same level with him. He was able to tell me that he had been feeling immense pressure to find a job and move back to my city and felt guilty that he wasn’t able to do so. I thought we were still on the same page, as he had always expressed that he hated his job and life there, and wanted to move back as soon as possible. So over the 2 years I have tried to be supportive but I had started to get to a point where I was losing patience – and him not moving back also had me questioning how seriously he was taking our relationship! He says that he thinks that it is best for me if we break up – that I had been putting my life on hold for him. I agree that to some extent I have, but I have been doing it because I truly love him and want to work on things and wait. Some other things he mentioned were feeling obligated to do things, rather than doing them because he wants to L In our situation, I have become dependent on him (for one as he drives) and I think this has also affected his feelings. I am devastated because I have put my heart and soul into this relationship I’m not sure how to take all this. One part of me thinks well it doesn’t really matter how his feelings changed but they have so I need to accept that. But I believe that we really do have a chance if we take off some of the pressure if I am able to bring my focus back to my life here and he feels less pressure. I think that what we have is really worth fighting for! I’m struggling here though, because I’m not hearing certainty from him but at the same time I shouldn’t have to try to convince him to stay together with me!! What is really the hardest to me, is that I feel like he has not given us a proper chance by not bring my attention to these issues we had. Please go easy on me; I am a gentle and heartbroken soul Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Theres not really much you can do to "work" on things when the other party is no longer interested. I dont think it's worth your time sieving through his words to find a kernel of hope. He has let you know he thinks its best you break up, so thats that. It sounds like you have been together for the majority of your adult lives, so I suspect besides the reasons he's cited, he is also curious about what else is out there. I wouldnt push it - you might just be able to guilt-trip him into "working" on things for a few more months, but i dont think thats what you want. Move on, focus on your life, date other people. If he comes back, you can decide where to go from there, but dont try to force a relationship with someone who is no longer interested. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Just a quick few questions to kinda feel out your situation... are there kids? why can't you move to the city he's at? while he's gone, how to you get around? where do you stay? I mean, is he paying for two places to live? Link to post Share on other sites
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