He lied about wanting a baby

[Unhappy99]

I met my husband in 2009 when I rented a room in a house of my former best friend & her husband (my now brother in law). My husband also had a room there since it was his younger brother & his house first. Anyways we got our own place together in 2011 & married in 2014. We talked about how I wanted a baby between 25-30 before we married & he agreed.

 

Side note: I'm 26 & he's 31 almost 32 with a 13 year old girl who we only see on holidays if were lucky & a 11 year old boy who comes for a few days every month. Same mother for both kids.

 

Since we got married anytime someone brings up us having any kids he immediately says "hell no, I already have my kids!" Any time I bring that up he'll reluctantly say if I want a baby he'll have a baby with me. He just says it to keep me and I know if I really pushed he would. But I don't want to make him have a baby he really doesn't want just to keep me. I just feel so lied to & every time he says " I already have my kids." It makes me want to cry.

 

Today we were talking about how his birthday is coming up in 2 months & he said "I'll only live another 18 years at the most, 50 & i'm done. All I have left to accomplish is to be a grandpa."

 

I've built my entire life with this man. We've got a mortgage & our 4 dogs who are like my children. It if wasn't for my dogs I would have left him at least for a little bit so we can figure out what we want in life. I also have PCOS so the chances of me getting pregnant are slim anyways. I just feel betrayed & don't know what to do about it.

[GunslingerRoland]

It's horrible that he married you under false pretenses especially after 5 whole years together. Really doesn't sound like he cares that much for you after all. I'm not sure if dogs are enough reason to stay in a marriage like this.

 

 

Also, what is with the whole dead by 50 thing? He should be at an age, where he realizes that is quite young still.

[Unhappy99]

Right? He wouldn't even be retired yet. If I really had to I could find a place for my dogs and I. But i'm not sure what I'd do about the mortgage and our shared vehicle. I have my own but his is under both our names because I have better credit than he does. And I also don't think he could afford to live without me, not because he doesn't make good money though mostly because he blows money like crazy. And I also love his kids more than anything. We just don't have that bond and I have no say over anything involving them.

[elaine567]

YOU do not have any children (ironically), so you do not need to stay with any man.

He doesn't want children - that is a huge deal and something you will not be able to live with long term without getting bitter and resentful.

IF you bulldoze him into children he will then resent you.

Women with PCOS can have children, so do not write yourself off.

 

Sell the house and move to somewhere else with your dogs, there is no need to waste any more of your life with a man who does not share your vision of the future.

[Tayla]

The best decisions couples make are the ones that end in compromise. This, unfortunately, can’t be one of them. You can’t have half a baby. If you’re ready to join your partner in a life of childlessness, make sure you can repeat Jessica Burnell’s words with her same conviction: “I like the life I have and the childless life I envision for myself in the future.” If you can, you’ve made a choice you can happily live with.

 

 

I think OP, delving into his side of reasoning may shed some light on the topic. In the meantime , Why do you want Kids? What is your goal in having children? His imparticular? How well do you consider your skills in parenting?

 

IS he a good father to his? How are you with his children when they visit?

 

You are currently in the bargaining stage with him, move past that. Set your determination and move on this discussion. Make that decision known. Instead of to others, Then plan your lives accordingly. Sounds like a deal breaker for you....Or is it?

[sandylee1]

I have a friend (male) who has 2 kids from his first marriage and his 2nd wife hasn't got any kids. I asked him about this while they were dating..but exclusive and talking marriage. He said left to him..he wouldn't have any more kids...but he realised that would be a selfish thing to say to her..... knowing she didn't have any of her own kids.

 

So they agreed to have just one child when they married. He never told her he didn't want any more kids...they compromised.

 

Your husband isn't thinking about you and if I were you.. I'd be done.

[CarrieT]

If I really had to I could find a place for my dogs and I.

So you are already going through the thought processes of ending the relationship because you know - deep down - there will be no compromise on the subject and you've been duped into a marriage.

 

But i'm not sure what I'd do about the mortgage and our shared vehicle. I have my own but his is under both our names because I have better credit than he does.

In the grand scheme of your life, that is just stuff. And arrangements can be made for one to buy the other out, etc.

 

And I also don't think he could afford to live without me, not because he doesn't make good money though mostly because he blows money like crazy.

That is his problem, isn't it? And doesn't sound like someone who is a responsible parent anyway?

 

And I also love his kids more than anything. We just don't have that bond and I have no say over anything involving them.

There are two big issues here. How often do you see his kids? Why do you feel you should have any say in their upbringing?

[whichwayisup]

Time to sit and have a real honest conversation with him about having a baby and be firm with what you believe, that he was OK with a having another child when you two got married.

 

As for his children, your step kids, well it's not up to you to bring them up, they have a Mom already so try to be a supportive and caring friend to them, one who will listen and guide them not scold them and get tons of say of how they live their lives. They won't accept you as their authority figure with discipline either..

[HopeForTomorrow]

This is not something you can compromise on. If you do not get out of this situation now, you will regret it later, after it is too late for you to have children. This is on him for doing a bait and switch on you on this topic. Try and look at the bright side, which is you really don't want to have kids with a man like this anyway. Find a new and improved version.

 

As mentioned above, PCOS does not lead to infertility like it frequently did ten or even five years ago. You can reduce the insulin resistance by taking metformin and other lifestyle changes and add clomid to induce ovulation if needed - very successful. It is the less common cases that lead to infertility these days. So hang in there and see your reproductive endocrinologist when you get to that point (or before).