r2d2 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 My husband is very fit. At least he was. And we would go to the gym and he would act like my trainer. Drive me nuts, but I listened. He would commonly talk about how I needed exercises to work my but. I am very thin and I don't have much of an ass. Well during a fight recently he was screaming at me and said I should get off my "flat ass" and do xyz. I couldn't believe he said this! I reminded him of it the next day when things were calmer and he said I just like to start problems and he couldn't believe I would overreact like that. He said the fact I even mentioned it was my manipulation. What would you do?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I think for 90% of the population, "flat ass" would be a compliment. While I don't excuse his intent, I've been called worse... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 (edited) My husband is very fit. At least he was. And we would go to the gym and he would act like my trainer. Drive me nuts, but I listened. He would commonly talk about how I needed exercises to work my but. I am very thin and I don't have much of an ass. Well during a fight recently he was screaming at me and said I should get off my "flat ass" and do xyz. I couldn't believe he said this! I reminded him of it the next day when things were calmer and he said I just like to start problems and he couldn't believe I would overreact like that. He said the fact I even mentioned it was my manipulation. What would you do?? I would say - Argument happen - I suppose even a bit of raised voices happen in public - but you never disrespect/disparage/degrade me in public. - or even in private. From what you describe "Flat ass" to him was bring up a deficiency he sees in you. Not that it is - its just the way he sees it. Men like all kind of ass sizes and shapes. If this was a "one off" incident in public, and he is not consistent with it (negative comments about your body) I would try to move on . But if its a regular thing - hit back hard when he says it - right away. Edited March 12, 2016 by dichotomy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 Of all the problems in your marriage, this is the least of your worries. I think you're just looking for people to commiserate with at this point. While I definitely sympathize with that, you already know that you need to leave this man. What are you going to do to help yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 During a marriege people say many things that if given another chance will not probably say again. And like another poster said man like all types of bootys. And everyone has some kind of defect that they don't like. And when I say everyone I mean everyone. Now if your not happy on your marriege than thats a whole different subject. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 He lacks respect for you, clearly, and is unwilling or unable to own his controlling and manipulative nature. He isn't happy with how you look, it seems, and wants to change you into what he wants. If it's what you want, too, then fine - but I wouldn't tolerate him "helping" in such a manner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I think for 90% of the population, "flat ass" would be a compliment. While I don't excuse his intent, I've been called worse... Mr. Lucky I do not think "flat ass" is ever a compliment these days. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 I would calmly talk to him about how physically insulting & demeaning someone you're supposed to love is incredibly cruel & effects your self-esteem. As another member said, it's the difference between a one off thing & part of a pattern of increasing abuse. On-one should EVER talk to you like that! I think some responses would be different if he'd told you to "get off of your FAT good for nothing bum!"....Times have changed. Ladies can buy underwear & jeans with bum padding! It's a big insult!! It's mean! Are you sure that this is the ONLY way & ONLY time that he's been abusive? When my H was being unfaithful the abuse just grew & grew. I made excuses until I realized that it was breaking me, turning me into an anxiety ridden mess with no self respect. You haven't really said much. It could be a big deal or just a mean snap comment. Horrible either way. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I would be more concerned that he was yelling at me and ordering me to do things than that particular insult. In the context of his fixating on your butt during workouts, it is odd. But again . . . why exactly is he bossing you around to begin with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 (edited) I would calmly talk to him about how physically insulting & demeaning someone you're supposed to love is incredibly cruel & effects your self-esteem. As another member said, it's the difference between a one off thing & part of a pattern of increasing abuse. On-one should EVER talk to you like that! I think some responses would be different if he'd told you to "get off of your FAT good for nothing bum!"....Times have changed. Ladies can buy underwear & jeans with bum padding! It's a big insult!! It's mean! Are you sure that this is the ONLY way & ONLY time that he's been abusive? When my H was being unfaithful the abuse just grew & grew. I made excuses until I realized that it was breaking me, turning me into an anxiety ridden mess with no self respect. You haven't really said much. It could be a big deal or just a mean snap comment. Horrible either way. I'm sorry. She posted all the details in another thread. She is being horrifically abused. I would have I called the police the second he installed video cameras inside of their house, so the he can watch her every move. Absolute pig. Her neighbour know he's abusing her as they called the police recently. So at least the police know there's domestic violence going on in the house. OP you must leave and protec yourself. Stop the abuse. Edited March 13, 2016 by Dolfin80 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author r2d2 Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 I know I will sound like an idiot here. But please bear with me. Yes I ha e described overall is bad by many of the reactions I have received. But how can I clear on the fact that I'm not overreacting. He says I'm dramatic and enjoy being the victim. I think I do like complaining but I don't actively want to be hurt. Please help me judge. Is there any way that I'm the problem here? Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 You may not be perfect but whatever your mistakes are, they DO NOT matter at all anymore. You need to divorce this man because of HIS ABUSE of you. You have some serious psychological issues that I sincerely hope you seak counseling for. You are living with a man who is abusing you and yet you are desperate for it to be your fault. And the worst part is that you allow your daughter to be raised in a situation where she is exposed to this level of abuse and you won't do anything about it. For her sake, and yours, I hope you can turn your life around. Otherwise I fear you are beginning a cycle that will be very difficult for your kid/grandkids to break. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 You need to get yourself support in your own neighbourhood. Go see a domestic violence support group. Tell them what you are being exposed to so people in real life can tell you - this is not your fault you are being abused. You seem to be stuck in the fog, where the victim blames herself for the abuse. His abuse is not your fault. It is his, and his alone. He is committing crimes towards you, and you are here asking is this my fault. Please find someone in real life to help as you need to reach out. People will help, ring a domestic violent hotline. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I know I will sound like an idiot here. But please bear with me. Yes I ha e described overall is bad by many of the reactions I have received. But how can I clear on the fact that I'm not overreacting. He says I'm dramatic and enjoy being the victim. I think I do like complaining but I don't actively want to be hurt. Please help me judge. Is there any way that I'm the problem here? No. He's the problem. He's the abuser through and through. By the way, victim-blaming and crazy-making is what abusers DO. And you've got a bad one. The kind you hear about on Dateline when they go unchecked for too long. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 He sounds like a whole lot of headache. But I sense that you won't leave him until he gets you arrested or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I do not think "flat ass" is ever a compliment these days. Spend some time in your local Walmart, check out many of the posteriors there. Flat ass is a step in the right direction... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Spend some time in your local Walmart, check out many of the posteriors there. Flat ass is a step in the right direction... Mr. Lucky Walmarts are only in American movies for me Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Spend some time in your local Walmart, check out many of the posteriors there. Flat ass is a step in the right direction... Mr. Lucky Er...no. NO woman aspires to a "flat ass". It is a horrible insult from her abusive controlling husband, designed to make her feel bad about her body. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Spend some time in your local Walmart, check out many of the posteriors there. Flat ass is a step in the right direction... Mr. Lucky Mr L I usually agree with you. ...but not on this one. Flat =no shape..no curves...that's not a complement...and if it is in Walmart..her H didn't intend it to be a complement to her. OP ....you've way bigger problems with your marriage. Those cameras are a MUCH bigger issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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