boni8487 Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 My wife has recently become friends with one of my coworkers. I am her friends manager. I have mentioned to my wife that this makes an awkward situation for me at work. I know that my wife talks to the friend about personal things within our marriage because she has told me so. I have always tried to keep my personal life separate from my work life. My wife seems to not understand or care about my feelings in this. I'm not trying to keep them from being friends or anything, I just find it awkward at work. I am just curious if my feelings are justified or if I am thinking too much. Thank you for any input. Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 My wife has recently become friends with one of my coworkers. I am her friends manager. I have mentioned to my wife that this makes an awkward situation for me at work. I know that my wife talks to the friend about personal things within our marriage because she has told me so. I have always tried to keep my personal life separate from my work life. My wife seems to not understand or care about my feelings in this. I'm not trying to keep them from being friends or anything, I just find it awkward at work. I am just curious if my feelings are justified or if I am thinking too much. Thank you for any input. Yes, your feelings are justified. What if you need to fire this woman because she is not doing her job? Also, if she is revealing personal issues about your marriage, this can undermine your authority, depending on what she is revealing. IMO, your wife should know better. Can you visit a counselor for a few sessions. The counselor will likely set her straight. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Have you point blank said to your wife that it would cause problems at work if she discussed your personal lives with a work subordinate? If they are just friends but not confidants (unlikely given your wife's lack of boundaries) would that be OK? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 You have every right to feel uncomfortable about this. Your wife should not be talking about your personal lives with a subordinate. It puts you in an awkward position and can lead to workplace gossip. Have you talked to your wife about this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author boni8487 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 I have discussed this with her. If she was just friends with her, I don't think I'd have a problem. The nature of their relationship is that they are confidants. That's what makes it difficult. She doesn't seem to understand my side. The thing is that she has other friends she can talk to that I think are more appropriate. Thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Is she a stay at home mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 I don't personally understand all this need of some to talk about inner personal things of a marriage to a gossip partner. We do not practice that in our home and haven't for 18 years. In my experience with the Ex wife nothing good came of it. I couldn't shut it down and that too became an item for them to talk about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Trouble here there is probably loads to talk about, and can see why the OP is uncomfortable. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/543222-wife-s-lies-deception plus the wife has just joined a dating site. If she is indeed telling the new "friend", who is the subordinate of her husband, her innermost secrets, then I can only say the wife is out of order and indeed either very naive or a nasty piece of work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boni8487 Posted March 7, 2016 Author Share Posted March 7, 2016 She is not a stay at home mom, but only works three half days a week. She's always had this need to have someone to talk to about our relationship. It's always been a little difficult for me, but I've accepted it. This current situation I have a hard time accepting. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 It's never a good idea to tell another woman about your marital issues. They then have inside knowledge to home in and cause problems. Can you simply ask her not to do it as it makes it feel uncomfortable. Also explain the problems it could cause you problems at work. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2016 Share Posted March 7, 2016 Tell your employee, aka your wife's friend, to please respect YOUR privacy at home and not discuss anything personal or gossip about you at work with co workers. Your wife needs to be careful what she shares with this friend too. Have this conversation with them both present and be calm and respectful about it too that way the reaction hopefully be will understanding and not reactive. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Need more info. What is the gender of this friend? Also, how long have you been married and how old are your kids if you have any? Link to post Share on other sites
Author boni8487 Posted March 8, 2016 Author Share Posted March 8, 2016 Thanks for the insight from everyone. It has been really helpful. We've been married for 11 years and have two kids 4 and 8 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 I read your other thread, seems like your wife is still selfish and only thinking of herself. Does she know the word compromise and understand what it means? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Tell your employee, aka your wife's friend, to please respect YOUR privacy at home and not discuss anything personal or gossip about you at work with co workers. Your wife needs to be careful what she shares with this friend too. Have this conversation with them both present and be calm and respectful about it too that way the reaction hopefully be will understanding and not reactive. No, I think that could make matters worse. There is two against one here, it may even bring them closer together. "Told you he was a "controlling/nasty/interfering... jerk, now do you believe me?" I think he needs to sit his wife down and tell her the problem and that workplace gossip could undermine his position and even lose him his job. Few wives want to be penniless. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Tell your employee, aka your wife's friend, to please respect YOUR privacy at home and not discuss anything personal or gossip about you at work with co workers. Your wife needs to be careful what she shares with this friend too. Have this conversation with them both present and be calm and respectful about it too that way the reaction hopefully be will understanding and not reactive. I disagree. The problem is with his wife and not the employee. If I were the employee and he said this to me I'd be rather ticked off . Does your wife always disrespect you like this? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Just read your other thread and I can see that your wife doesn't care about your opinion at all. Unless you stand your ground this WILL NEVER end. Are you still in MC? Can you raise this there? I'd be torn between looking for another job or remaining married to a person who thinks so very little about me as a spouse. Why do you tolerate her bad behaviour? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eaglescout88 Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Hello, thank you for your post. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I do think that you are justified in your concern about what your wife shares with your subordinate. Marriage is a sacred trust where two become one and there are some things that just should not be shared...EVER. That written, it might help to sit down with your wife and work together to map out some boundaries on what is appropriate and not appropriate to discuss with your employee. I wish you the best with this and will be praying for you. Kind regards, Kevin. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAnotherLostLove Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 My wife has recently become friends with one of my coworkers. I am her friends manager. I have mentioned to my wife that this makes an awkward situation for me at work. I know that my wife talks to the friend about personal things within our marriage because she has told me so. I have always tried to keep my personal life separate from my work life. My wife seems to not understand or care about my feelings in this. I'm not trying to keep them from being friends or anything, I just find it awkward at work. I am just curious if my feelings are justified or if I am thinking too much. Thank you for any input. Yeah, that's kinda crazy. Obviously shouldn't be sharing details of your marriage with this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
big dog Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 she should never be telling personal things about your marriage to anyone...whether a co-worker or not. Link to post Share on other sites
MBWoodard Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 You are totally on to something. This friend of hers could become a potential problem. I get that many women need someone to talk to about their issues. That's why we come to places like this! If asking her to stop is not working, then she is going to need a deeper explanation as to why, she may need to see how it can hinder you on the job. If all else fails, you may need to transfer away from the friend, if that is even possible. Link to post Share on other sites
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