ruby31 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 I don't know where else to turn. I'm a newly wed of 6 months I married the man of my dreams but things are a bit different since we got hitched. Before we got married we had an amazing sex life. Now its almost nonexistent. I don'tfeel attractive anymore. I brought this up to him about four months into our marriage and he lost it, he went so far as to bringing up divorce. I always knew I had a sightly higher sex drive but he would still have sex with me a couple times a week. He never initiates sex anymore. I feel aroused all of the time and I hate begging for sex from my husband. I never used to get hit on while dating but since we got married men just feel its ok to start talking to me, I would never cheat but I feel like the lack of intimacy and attention is making me respond back to them then I cut the conversation by talking about my husband. I don't know what to do.....help Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Get batteries, lots of 'em. Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 If someone mentions divorce when you've been married less than 6 months, there's an issue that was brewing long before marriage! It's usually men that complain of this problem.. To a point there's even a well known joke "which food makes women never want sex - wedding cake".. Maybe he has sexual tastes/kinks you are unaware of, or maybe his marrying you was for a reason other than love, I think most people will agree when you're in ,love you can't keep your hands off eachother. Only he has the answers. But if you are so deprived you're responding to other men, perhaps the "D" word isn't so absurd if there's no logical compromise between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 He had mentioned to me before that our relationship was beyond sex and because of his weight gain his drive isn't there anymore. Am I a selfish wife for feeling like this? Link to post Share on other sites
AspenBaldwin Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 He had mentioned to me before that our relationship was beyond sex and because of his weight gain his drive isn't there anymore. Am I a selfish wife for feeling like this? Did weight changed that much in six months? Why? Is he anxious or sth? Or was he over weight before, lost it before the wedding and now it bounced back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 140 to 200 over the progress of our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 You raised this issue months into marriage he lost it and threatened divorce? You've got bigger problems than a poor sex life. What does the rest of your marriage look like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 I'd say over all its pretty healthy, we have ups and downs like any other husband and wife would but we try to resolve it in a healthy manner. We're still trying to adjust to marriage life. For the last year his friends and family have really been on him about his weight, I love him regardress and think he looks fine. I do notice there has been a further jump in weight gain since we got married though. I over heard his friend telling him a little bit after we got married that unhealthy weight would affect his sex life. I believe hes put it to his head. Maybw its effecting his performance, dont know...He's since mentioned this to me but seems not to really be doing anything about it even when I ask him to work out to be healthy for our future. Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Ruby, there is a good chance your H's weight gain and lack of interest in sex are connected. Did he experience a very difficult early childhood? Does he tend to start arguments -- over absolutely nothing at all -- right after very intimate periods? I ask because, when a person has difficulty tolerating intimacy for very long, it is common for sexual activity to go off a cliff right after the wedding (if not before). It also is common for them to protect themselves from sexual demands by putting on a lot of weight, making themselves less attractive. My exW, for example, put on 60 pounds in the first year after our marriage. Like your H, she was a passionate, sexual tiger during our courtship period but changed dramatically after the wedding. This occurred because, during the courtship, her infatuation with me convinced her that I was the nearly perfect man who had come to rescue her from unhappiness. In that way, the infatuation held her fear of intimacy at bay. But, of course, that fear quickly returned when the infatuation started to evaporate. If this is happening with your H, the fear of intimacy will make him feel suffocated and controlled by you -- or like he is losing his self identity in your strong personality. Moreover, if this is happening with him, you should be seeing him push you away -- immediately after an intimate evening together or in the middle of a great vacation -- by creating an argument over some very minor issue. It will seem like he is creating a fight out of thin air. Have you seen such behavior occurring? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Marriage is change. I found the 1st year of marriage incredibly challenging. I also gained 40 pounds since being married. I'd never cook for myself but I cook for DH so my food consumption increased. Do you cook healthy for your husband? Can you start a new tradition where you go for walks after dinner or you both take up a sport? Don't nag him about his weight but do find foods & activities that don't aggravate the situation. Take the time to connect on the walks. That may help him feel more in the mood. Do drop a few hints about how many calories sex burns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted November 29, 2015 Author Share Posted November 29, 2015 Thank you for that. I need to be supportive of his needs and help to create a more healthier lifestyle for him. Maybe I bruised his ego when I spoke to him earlier, that makes sense. I've heard one of the biggest no nos is hurting a man ego because of sex. I feel a little overwhelmed with being a wife and taking care of myself and also him. Its quite daunting. I hope in time we are able to balance things out, this is all so new to us. I to have heard the first year can be a challenge for some. God willing we'll be able to stay strong. I want to support him and be his backbone. I love him so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Hi Ruby, just wanted to chip in and ask as to how old you and your husband are? Does the 31 after your moniker refer to your age? Why don't you consult a counsellor on advice about how to tackle this subject with your Husband in a tactful and sensitive manner? He may be suffering from low testorone levels and a test may confirm this for a fact. If that is indeed the case the a physician would be the correct person to advise on the correct course of treatment. The other possibility may be that he has some deep seated psychological block in his mind due to deep seated neuroses dating back to his childhood days. More than anything else, you will have to get him aboard in accepting that he needs medical/ psychiatric help so that the motivation to overcome his problem is his own. This is where a counsellor can help. It is a complicated situation which will require a lot of patience and understanding on your part. You may have to put your own needs and desires on the back burner for a while in the interim while you work on him. You have a difficult path ahead of you but if you remain positive you will come out a winner. It's your life after all and there's every incentive for you to come out on top. Best of luck for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 140 to 200 over the progress of our relationship Can you work out? I know it's hard but it's worth it. Eating healthy is also not fun (in my opinion) but it's worth it. Don't give up, k? Also, does your hubby have experience with divorce, with either divorced parents or was he divorced before? If so, some people who have experience with divorce tend to incline more to the divorce option easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts