Guys: You're Ready To Tie The Knot But Your GF Isn't

[Almond_Joy]

Guys,

 

I'm curious what kind of reactions there would be in this situation.

 

You come from a family of Catholics, divorces are rare, you are of the same ilk. You're not in a rush to get married, but you do want to get married one day and once you're married it's forever.

 

So you're in a relationship with a woman, you're happy with her and decide after a while she's a keeper. You don't propose but you start talking about marriage, kids, financial ventures, etc.

 

Your GF, on the other hand, is not interested in marriage at all. She's not averse to being with you for life but really doesn't see a point in the ceremony/institution of a legal marriage unless you're having kids. So the talks and casual references to a married life vs just a life together after a while start making her uneasy. She doesn't leave and she says she's happy but she doesn't talk much about the future anymore or encourage conversation on it.

 

How do you proceed, and what's your reasoning on your plan of action?

[loveweary11]

Guys,

 

I'm curious what kind of reactions there would be in this situation.

 

You come from a family of Catholics, divorces are rare, you are of the same ilk. You're not in a rush to get married, but you do want to get married one day and once you're married it's forever.

 

So you're in a relationship with a woman, you're happy with her and decide after a while she's a keeper. You don't propose but you start talking about marriage, kids, financial ventures, etc.

 

Your GF, on the other hand, is not interested in marriage at all. She's not averse to being with you for life but really doesn't see a point in the ceremony/institution of a legal marriage unless you're having kids. So the talks and casual references to a married life vs just a life together after a while start making her uneasy. She doesn't leave and she says she's happy but she doesn't talk much about the future anymore or encourage conversation on it.

 

How do you proceed, and what's your reasoning on your plan of action?

 

 

You proceed by deciding if the unmarried LTR is the life for you and you see it through, or you dump her.

 

Given just about every woman under 30, as well as most divorcee's are raging anti marriage, you probably won't do much better with a new one.

 

Unfortunately, the majority of single wonen no longer want to get married.

[GunslingerRoland]

So wait, you said talking about kids, and then you said she'd only want to get married if there were kids planned.

 

 

So are you both unanimous about not having kids, or is this another compromise you would have to make? To me, that is an even bigger one than the marriage or not choice.

[Almond_Joy]

So wait, you said talking about kids, and then you said she'd only want to get married if there were kids planned.

 

 

So are you both unanimous about not having kids, or is this another compromise you would have to make? To me, that is an even bigger one than the marriage or not choice.

 

Good point.

 

For now, both parties are indifferent about having children long term and a firm no for short term.

[blackcat777]

Do the majority of single women want to remain unmarried? Do we have some sources to cite for this?

 

(asking as a single woman, under 30, who would love to have happily ever after with the right man)

 

As to the OP... Is not having marriage a dealbreaker for you? Do you know why your girlfriend feels the way she does? Even if you have differing views, you should be able to communicate about them. How long have you been together?

[MJJean]

If you want to be legally and Sacramentally married and your GF does not, then she isn't the right match for you. You have opposing life goals and differing visions of the future. You aren't compatible long term.

 

The purpose of dating, for a catholic and a lot of other people, is to discern marriage. Once it has been determined that the couple aren't compatible, there is no reason to continue dating.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Let me tell you it is absolutely wonderful you found someone who wants to spend their life with you. So many young people, and more so women specifically, will get married because they want a wedding. The getting married part is far more important in their life list then the actual marriage itself. So many woman think "i need to get married and have kids" so they pursue a marriage to someone they arent compatible with to begin with just to check off their life goals. Next thing you know they are on LS asking why their marriage is chit. When they ignored glaring red flags to begin with so they could check off that next item on life's list of things to get done.

 

The reality is there is absolutely no reason to rush into marriage. Say you spend the rest of your life with this woman. Does it make really make a difference weather or not you get the government involved in your relationship this year or next year or 20 years from now? You are talking the rest of your life here... What is the rush?

[dichotomy]

Guys,

 

I'm curious what kind of reactions there would be in this situation.

 

You come from a family of Catholics, divorces are rare, you are of the same ilk.

 

How do you proceed, and what's your reasoning on your plan of action?

 

 

Am I reading this right? You and your family have strong faith and belief in the Catholic religion

 

But the woman you love does and want to marry.....not share this fundamental and core belief and faith ?

Edited November 26, 2015 by dichotomy

[oldshirt]

If you want to be legally and Sacramentally married and your GF does not, then she isn't the right match for you. You have opposing life goals and differing visions of the future. You aren't compatible long term.

 

The purpose of dating, for a catholic and a lot of other people, is to discern marriage. Once it has been determined that the couple aren't compatible, there is no reason to continue dating.

 

 

 

THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 

She may be pretty and she may be of pleasant disposition and she may make you so hard you could crack walnuts with it, but you two have very different views on some very critical, foundational values.

 

 

You two are incompatible.

 

 

If your end-goal in a relationship is to have a church-sanctioned, traditional marriage, home and family, this gal is simply not it.

 

 

that doesn't mean that she is a bad person or that there should need to be any ill-will or bitter feelings or bad blood. It just means that she is not the one and that you should end this cleanly and go back on the market to find someone with similar core values and goals.

[VeveCakes]

What's more important? Marriage or being with the right person?

 

What happens if down the road there is infidelity? Lies? ...no divorce ever?

 

I think the church needs to change with the times....but I'm sure that's not a popular opinion to those who believe in religion.

 

My vote is to be with the right person - marriage or not.

[sandylee1]

Sorry but saying women under 30 are ant marriage is so untrue.

Please don't believe that.

 

If you want marriage and she doesn't....do you really have a future?

You're not on the same page and the more time you spend with her is just time wasted where you could be finding a future wife.

 

You both have different beliefs as far as marriage goes. Perhaps she's from a broken home or seen bad marriages..... whatever it is... you guys aren't quite a match.

[Almond_Joy]

I am a girl, was the girl in this scenario. In time I decided that a legal ceremony is irrelevant to the commitment I chose to make years before and continue to uphold. Now, I have no problem with marriage whenever it comes up.

 

I get making a decision based on the present state of things, because no one knows if people will change in the future and no one wants to waste time. I'm glad my partner didn't see things this way. As long as we are both willing to stay loyal, and try to make the relationship good, he figured there's no harm in keeping a good thing going. This approach is what worked for us.

 

Thanks for the responses and happy holidays .

[Popsicle]

You proceed by deciding if the unmarried LTR is the life for you and you see it through, or you dump her.

 

Given just about every woman under 30, as well as most divorcee's are raging anti marriage, you probably won't do much better with a new one.

 

Unfortunately, the majority of single wonen no longer want to get married.

 

 

Hey now. I want to get married again. I'm just picky and I'm Catholic, ftr.

[OldRover]

I am a girl, was the girl in this scenario. In time I decided that a legal ceremony is irrelevant to the commitment I chose to make years before and continue to uphold. Now, I have no problem with marriage whenever it comes up.

 

I get making a decision based on the present state of things, because no one knows if people will change in the future and no one wants to waste time. I'm glad my partner didn't see things this way. As long as we are both willing to stay loyal, and try to make the relationship good, he figured there's no harm in keeping a good thing going. This approach is what worked for us.

 

Thanks for the responses and happy holidays .

 

You say "I'm glad my partner didn't see things this way." What did you mean... that he does not feel the same as you did?

 

However, sounds like you've got the marriage thing behind you and don't care either way now... and still with the same guy?

 

Overall, I agree with the no marriage, and anyone can make whatever committments they wish for themselves,without the governments permission or certificate.

[Clockwork]

Guys,

 

I'm curious what kind of reactions there would be in this situation.

 

You come from a family of Catholics, divorces are rare, you are of the same ilk. You're not in a rush to get married, but you do want to get married one day and once you're married it's forever.

 

So you're in a relationship with a woman, you're happy with her and decide after a while she's a keeper. You don't propose but you start talking about marriage, kids, financial ventures, etc.

 

Your GF, on the other hand, is not interested in marriage at all. She's not averse to being with you for life but really doesn't see a point in the ceremony/institution of a legal marriage unless you're having kids. So the talks and casual references to a married life vs just a life together after a while start making her uneasy. She doesn't leave and she says she's happy but she doesn't talk much about the future anymore or encourage conversation on it.

 

How do you proceed, and what's your reasoning on your plan of action?

 

It sounds like you and your girlfriend might have very different goals in life. Liking marriage vs. not liking marriage is quite often a deal breaker.