wed4ever Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Been married for several years and I have noticed that my wife has more and more control as time goes by. It's just something that has naturally progressed. This is especially true for sex. I've probably become a pussy whipped husband. I think our marriage is healthy and loving. I try to give her a lot of respect and dedication. She is extremely kind and loving to me for sure. I don't mind this at all and in fact kinda like it. My only concern is this... if my marriage becomes the stereotypical "she wears the pants" does that automatically mean she will loose respect for me in the long run? I don't want that to happen. My question is are there any women in here that can honestly say that they would respect their husband even though they are the ones in charge and basically have them wrapped around their finger? My relationship isn't quite there yet but it might be going in that direction. Mind you, I'm not talking about dating, but marriage which is very different. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 My question is are there any women in here that can honestly say that they would respect their husband even though they are the ones in charge and basically have them wrapped around their finger? This is two questions, not one! 1 - Lose respect for a husband if he's not the one in charge? No, not really but that depends a lot on the two people in the marriage. Some women are just natural born leaders and feel comfortable and perfectly fine being in charge. Some women are followers and feel anxiety when they aren't around a man who takes charge. Which one would your wife be? Sounds like a leader. 2 - Lose respect for a husband wrapped around their finger? Yes. This is completely different than having one leader and one follower in a marriage. A natural born leader doesn't want a yes man. She wants a man who may be willing to follow but within reason after he's thought to himself first "are we doing the right thing?". A man has to have his own thoughts and own mind. Consider all options before agreeing. Not be afraid to say no. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 If it works for you then it shouldn't really matter. Do you have control or power in any area of your relationship? Does your wife consider your feelings/perspective about decisions made within the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I woman who feels the need to control you doesnt respect you. The more and more control you give her, the less and less the respect is there. It will get to a point where she belittles you, your choices, your actions. You have to make a stand. She wont love you less is the thing about it, and if she does then better to find out now so you can gtfo of there. Some women just want a neutered little puppy dog for a mate. Dont become that neutered little pet of hers. Not a woman on the planet worth that. Speaking from experience... These types of women are all the same. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 can you elaborate more on what you meant by her being ' in control" what did you mean by the comment below This is especially true for sex. I've probably become a pussy whipped husband. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 So take control over some area where you feel troubled. Sneak up behind her & steal a kiss. Plan a vacation. Open your mouth about what color the next purchase is. You can take the control back if you care so much. Most of the time I'm "In control" in my marriage because if I don't do it, it won't get done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Whether she loses respect for you may depend on whether you've abdicated responsibility so that she's HAD to take control, or whether she's just better at it and it's been a natural progression. If you're both content and the relationship is doing well, it's not a problem - at least not presently. If there is any resentment growing, then there will be problems eventually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Does she trust you to make decisions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wed4ever Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Does she trust you to make decisions? Yes, definitely. As I read through everything I realized I wasn't specific enough in my O.P. My wife does respect what i say if I assert what's important to me. I will admit that as far as sex goes, she pretty much calls all the shots but like I said I really don't mind. What I meant by the part of being about "being wrapped around her finger" is doing things like flowers, holding hands, massages, holder her purse, opening the car door ect. She has told me strait out that I'm not very chivalish and that she'd like me to be. I've always equated those things with a man being p-whipped and it never helped me in the past. I always got dumped until I stopped doing those things (to an extreme). Of course those things should be done somewhat in a relationship as they are in mine. I'm talking about really stepping up the game as my wife seems to want. BUT will she REALLY like it? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 What I meant by the part of being about "being wrapped around her finger" is doing things like flowers, holding hands, massages, holder her purse, opening the car door ect. She has told me strait out that I'm not very chivalish and that she'd like me to be. I've always equated those things with a man being p-whipped and it never helped me in the past. I always got dumped until I stopped doing those things (to an extreme). Of course those things should be done somewhat in a relationship as they are in mine. I'm talking about really stepping up the game as my wife seems to want. BUT will she REALLY like it? I don't understand - you're p-whipped and you do all those things now or your wife wants you to do them and be p-whipped? Or you do them but she wants you to step it up? Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 So she married you knowing you arent a chivalrous person, and now wants you to change for her? Or is she just saying "you know you could be more chivalrous", and doesnt expect you to change? Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure, to most guys, being p-whipped is a term reserved for guys that they are jealous of (jealous of all the attention they see the guy getting from his wife), or, more commonly, a guy with no spine who does the things you mentioned (opening a door, flowers, etc) but getting horrible treatment in return. You know...a weak guy begging for attention from a woman who enjoys stepping on him at every opportunity to feel better about herself? I'm pretty sure you're in good shape if your wife is treating you well! Is she? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Well, everyone is an individual, so I think its hard to really generalize what two individuals will do in their relationship. Here are some things I have noticed about MY relationship, maybe it will relate to yours, maybe it won’t. I wear the pants, that’s just the kind of person I am. From the time I was young, I was often “the leader” among my group of friends growing up, always directed the group projects in college, professionally I am a project manager, part of my daily routine is to direct others, and make decisions. Add to that, at home, I am the “bread winner”, I manage the money, and I don’t want any big purchases made without my input. Has this made me lose respect for my guy? In some ways, I think it has. At this point, when it comes down to it, he is more dependent on me, than I am on him. This is definitely something that has progressed over time… I don’t belittle him, and he has total freedom when it comes to his career, how he wants to spend his time etc. Sexually? Again, I am usually in charge…. From initiating to calling the shots. There was one point in time at I relished in the control. But now? Oh geees, I would love nothing more for him to take that power away from me and just F’ me already. I am victim of my own devises I guess. I think my relationship would be better if the scales were tipped more equally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wed4ever Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 I don't understand - you're p-whipped and you do all those things now or your wife wants you to do them and be p-whipped? Or you do them but she wants you to step it up? I do those things on occasion. I think she wants me to shower her with it going forward. I'd be happy to if I knew it wouldn't turn her off in the long run. Sometimes people truely don't know what they want Link to post Share on other sites
Author wed4ever Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 I'm pretty sure you're in good shape if your wife is treating you well! Is she? She treats me wonderfully. Couldn't ask for anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 I do those things on occasion. I think she wants me to shower her with it going forward. I'd be happy to if I knew it wouldn't turn her off in the long run. Sometimes people truely don't know what they want Well try it and see then. Nobody else here is your wife. We dont know how she is going to react in the long term to you being more chivalrous. If it backfires, then stop. Pretty simple really. If you are worried, bring it up in a conversation. Tell her ill do my best to be chivalrous, as long as you (insert your expectations). Dont sweat the small stuff ffs. Marriage is a lot harder then THIS issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wed4ever Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 If it backfires, then stop. Pretty simple really. Yeah man, I'll give it a shot. It's not like it's a point of no return or something... unless she ends up loving it!! Then there is no going back. But if she loves it then happy wife happy life. Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Yeah man, I'll give it a shot. It's not like it's a point of no return or something... unless she ends up loving it!! Then there is no going back. But if she loves it then happy wife happy life. You already said you dont mind, so yeah. If you are making her happier, generally when they love you they return the favor. Its worth the effort! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I do those things on occasion. I think she wants me to shower her with it going forward. I'd be happy to if I knew it wouldn't turn her off in the long run. Sometimes people truely don't know what they want She treats me wonderfully. Couldn't ask for anything more. When you shower somebody you love with wonderful treatment you get it back 10 fold When you withhold from her what she considers affection you are harming your marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 She treats me wonderfully. Couldn't ask for anything more. Do not take the fact that she treating you wonderfully for granted. You both are getting back what you invested in each other. She is treating good because she feels the need of being a good wife. Keep doing what you are doing and if you keep an honest communication between the 2 of you, you will have nothing to worry about. That's what a good relationship is all about, love respect and compromise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Relationships have a plethora of dynamics. Because your wife is dominant doesn't mean you are less valued. In fact, based on what you've stated, she appreciate that you accommodate her need to lead. She treats you well, couldn't be better, and that's great. There is a balance though. If she takes charge bc you scamper and skirt issues, that could potentially lead to a loss of respect. Being forced to make decisions is different from having a natural proclivity to take charge. In your case, it doesn't sound like you are sticking your head in the sand and forcing her to take control. Where sex is concerned, bending to the will of your wife can be sexy when done in proper context. Again, if she's a take charge woman, doesn't mind leading and telling you what she wants, and you are happy to comply, there's no problem. On the other hand, if she feels she has to lead bc you are incompetent, then no, that's not cool. Again, that doesn't sound like your situation at all. Communication is key. Sometimes, even a dominant woman wants her man to take charge and ef her. Don't confuse that with degrading her! Raw, primal, carnal sex is by far different from treating her like a piece of meat, UNLESS that is part of your mutual kink, in which case, taking such liberties is acceptable and desired. There is no one size fits all, which is why keeping the lines of communication open and a safe zone is essential. I enjoy being in control and dominant, I want my man to be attentive to my needs, I like jumping his bones and having him respond, but I also want him to have a voice and express his opinions or suggestions. Having an alpha man who is subservient isn't a sign of weakness, actually it can be quite masculine bc he is confident and not 'threatened' by a woman who isn't a shrinking violet or a damsel in distress who 'needs' a man to take care of her. You and your wife are the only two ppl who can find the balance that works best for both of you. If you are happy to accommodate and she's happy with the results, I don't see an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 What I meant by the part of being about "being wrapped around her finger" is doing things like flowers, holding hands, massages, holder her purse, opening the car door ect. She has told me strait out that I'm not very chivalish and that she'd like me to be. I've always equated those things with a man being p-whipped and it never helped me in the past. I always got dumped until I stopped doing those things (to an extreme). Hmm, I think you have the meaning of pussy whipped mixed up! What you described is just kind and loving things a husband does for his wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I will admit that as far as sex goes, she pretty much calls all the shots but like I said I really don't mind. Why would you relinquish all control of the sexual part of your marriage ??? Big mistake... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I can't respect a man who lets me be in control. That spells 'weak' to me. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I can't respect a man who lets me be in control. That spells 'weak' to me. That's interesting. Could I get your opinion on something personally? I'm pretty much anything but weak. Physically strong, "the boss" at work, assertive, get everything in life I set my sights on. Hardship doesn't phase me in the least. I kind of find a quiet meditation about it. Because I spend all day, every day, telling people what to do, it's the last thing I want to do when I'm having fun in my free time. I'm curious what girls like yourself, who have a need to feel dominated, think about that. Am I still considered weak for not wanting to be in charge of everything at home? Link to post Share on other sites
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