my husband wont touch me

[braids]

my problem i have been married for 16 years, my husband has changed in the last

1 1/2 years. the man was so loving and attentive and we did alot of hugging and kissing and sex. now i barely get a kiss from him sex is not often and he seems like he has lost interest in me. he has returned back to univeristy 1 year ago

and has made new young friends. i went into his email and found a chain letter from this girl and threw it into his face he says its nothing. i dont understand how

a man can get into a bed with a woman and not touch her, could this be a sign

that he nolonger finds me attractive. I have asked him and he denies it. He is the

type of guy that would stay in the marriage to keep the family together. I also found out that he was receiving naughty emails from a former male co-worker

and he says it all innocent. I feel ugly and my self-esteem has dropped to the floor

since this all started. I am considering leaving him. can someone tell me the tell tale signs when your partner nolonger finds you attractive.

heartbroken

[missopinionated]

This isn't necessarily about you.

 

He's gone back to school, which is a huge change and yes, he's met a ton of new people who share his interests.

 

You're jealous, not surprisingly, but as you've probably noticed, jealousy does nothing to make things better.

 

You might also consider going back to school. You could also stop snooping into his life -- what's up with that? You couldn't say "I don't trust you" any better if you painted it on the bedroom wall.

 

As for the letters from a male friend, which he says are innocent, what EXACTLY did he say? You're implying there's a possibilty he's gay?

 

Sounds like y'all need a bit of intervention from someone who's qualified to intervene. there's lots going on here.

 

Don't wait. This stuff is like mould on cheese in a warm room. Grows pretty fast and takes over everything.

[Matilda]

This isn't necessarily about you.

 

I disagree, of course it's about her, she's the one who has a husband who has stopped being physical with her. I'm sorry, but going to school should not make a husband uninterested in his wife. Of course she's worried and jealous! I'd be wondering what was going on too, and not trusting him.

 

Have you asked him why he no longer kisses you or has sex with you? What does he say?

[NiCoLe20]

if u feel he's changing give urself a change too...

 

get a new outfit or a haircut or die ur hair or something physically different then what u normally do... see if that sparks anything up... if it doesnt then have a talk w/ him and see whats wrong...just a suggestion

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by braids

1. my problem i have been married for 16 years, my husband has changed in the last

1 1/2 years.

2. the man was so loving and attentive and we did alot of hugging and kissing and sex. now i barely get a kiss from him sex is not often and he seems like he has lost interest in me.

3. he has returned back to univeristy 1 year ago and has made new young friends.

4. i went into his email and found a chain letter from this girl and threw it into his face he says its nothing.

5. i dont understand how a man can get into a bed with a woman and not touch her, could this be a sign

that he nolonger finds me attractive.

6. I have asked him and he denies it.

7. He is the type of guy that would stay in the marriage to keep the family together.

8. I also found out that he was receiving naughty emails from a former male co-worker

and he says it all innocent.

9. I feel ugly and my self-esteem has dropped to the floor since this all started.

10. I am considering leaving him. can someone tell me the tell tale signs when your partner no longer finds you attractive.

heartbroken

 

1. Change after a long period is alarming, but not necessarily bad. You say he went back to school and it sounds like he is opening up an entirely new part of himself - going back to school after a long time is a huge step for someone.

2. That's not good. A change in your sexual patterns definitely signals a change in how he views it. Could it be your hostility toward him and his changes in his life that is affecting his sex life with you, and not his attraction to you or lack therof? It could be that he is angry and frustrated with you, and this is how he shows it.

3. Going back to school and having a younger social circle can change a person considerably. It can also improve a person's self esteem and make them happy to be starting a new part of their life. I expect that on some level you are resentful of this - as in "why does that make him so happy, shouldn't he just be happy with what he already had?"

4. You snooped through his email. That would be enough to piss anyone off particularly if they have nothing to hide. He made new friends, and I expect he gets new emails as a result. A steamy personal letter is one thing. A chain letter is just a chain letter. An mild annoyance that our friends send us.

5. Maybe. It depends really. I think in this case though, its more of a physical manifestation of his frustration and anger at your hostility and unwillingness to trust him. The angrier you get at him, the less likely he is to want to have sex with you.

6. Of course - you answered why in the next line. Also, it could very well be that he has nothing to deny.

7. See #6.

8. Men send each other some raunchy stuff. My husband and his friends send each other the most vile stuff that I have seen. Pics, jokes, stuff like that. It is innocent. Its just a guy thing, I expect. To get angry with your husband and suggest that it isn't innocent is you accusing him of being gay. I expect he did get mad.

9. You should consider getting some help for that. Counseling will do wonders for this problem in your relationship.

10. Before you consider leaving him, work on your issues first. Get your emotional problems under control and get your husband to communicate with you honestly. He won't if you demand it, but if you show him that you are serious about working on the issues between you - including your own issues, maybe he'll soften up and open up to you.

 

I don't think its a matter of your husband finding you unattractive. It sounds more like an anger problem in your relationship. Unresolved anger can kill a relationship quickly. Buried hostility manifests itself physically through abuse, alienation of affection, and lack of communication.

 

As for whether he's cheating? I can't even make a guess from your post - there would have to be a lot more signs there than just a chain letter and a change in sexual behavior to make a call on something like that.

[whichwayisup]

Communicate as much as you can with him. Take him away on a romantic getaway and SURPRISE him!! Show him how much you love, want and need him! That may help.

 

Therapy might be good for you as you seem to be internalizing this and making your self esteem go south. Not a good place to be and it won't help this situation either.

 

Just afew suggestions.

 

Good luck and keep on posting.