Driver Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 My boyfriend and I are both 25 and have been together for about 3.5 years (and have lived together for much of it). He is the coolest, weirdest, kindest, funniest, most resilient person I have ever met. He is 100% supportive of me in whatever I do, he listens to me cry (and makes me laugh and see the lighter side of things, so I sometimes find I don't even need to cry at all). I always rush home to be with him because I just love being around him, even though I see him every dang day. He makes an effort to "get on my level" and often copies me (my tastes, hobbies, interests, music, etc.), which I find the most endearing thing ever. I feel like we are two peas in a pod. And finally -- I can honestly say that I've never been loved like this by anyone in my life. He has never made me feel crazy and has never screwed with me emotionally. He just loves me unconditionally and treats me like it. He is the definition of a stable and healthy person (unlike me...I consider myself kind of crazy!). Now, this isn't to say we don't have our issues. Our issues are: 1) our sex has diminished to twice a week or so (not sure if this is him or me but it bothers me because I worry that the "spark" is going out), and 2) he is still struggling to figure out what he wants to do in life and is kind of floating his way through school/work as a result, while I am soon to be out in the professional world and want to start making money/traveling/living life/etc, and sometimes I feel like he isn't putting enough effort into "getting it together." We also used to have problems with communication (specifically, him sharing his emotions and proactively working on our problems), but he is REALLY working on this and we've grown closer as a result. So that almost sums up our relationship. :-) Now the problem is this...everyone around me is getting married (including my best friend, next weekend). And my boyfriend has brought up marriage, too, several times in the past year. Sometimes the idea of marriage excites me, and other times it makes me feel like running away. It seems like it's a week to week thing. I don't know what the reason for this hot and cold, ambivalent thinking is. Just this week, I also randomly thought about if we should break up. When I think about breaking up, I think about it being a temporary thing that will give us both time to be on our own so that I can get whatever this is out of my system, and we can come back together even stronger. But of course, if we break up we the risk of us never getting back together, ever. I've ALWAYS been prone to overthinking, overanalyzing, anxiety, and ambivalence. I can't think of a time in my life where I wasn't battling some personal issue, whether it be a health thing, a school-related thing, a what-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life-did-I-choose-the-right-career thing, am I cut out to be a mom thing, why-am-I-so-emotional thing. So this ambivalence is nothing new or ground-breaking for me. I am not really sure what the core issue is. Maybe it's not the relationship and maybe it's just me. I think I might be getting bored, craving more excitement, getting restless, and wanting some change. I am tired of the grueling "poor student" life that we have, where we can't travel or do anything fun because of crazy schedules and lack of funds. But I also know that what we have is special. I am not sure what to do or how I even feel. Anyone have some insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I've ALWAYS been prone to overthinking, overanalyzing, anxiety, and ambivalence. I can't think of a time in my life where I wasn't battling some personal issue, whether it be a health thing, a school-related thing, a what-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life-did-I-choose-the-right-career thing, am I cut out to be a mom thing, why-am-I-so-emotional thing. So this ambivalence is nothing new or ground-breaking for me. I'm sure you're familiar with the "pulling the wings off a butterfly" analogy, the process might provide some info but it's awfully hard to get it back together and flying again. I'd concentrate on thinking less and feeling more. How does it feel to be with him? What senses are satisfied? What hopes are fulfilled, which dreams unleashed? Are you excited to see him, happy to be with him? This should be the best time of your life, you're on the cusp of many great and wonderful things. I'd be more in the moment and less in your head. Trust me, you're only young once... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I agree with mr lucky i also think that if you just let the relationship be and feel in it rather than think in it ...you will be fine....i dont agree with you when you say break up and come back stronger....that isnt the idea of strength in a relationship what makes you stronger is getting through tough times together not apart.....relationships arent all silver...... as far as marriage goes, you are right to be sure.....for marriage si meant to be done once and once only.......but dont shy away from the thought....you arent quite ready yet......but dont think that you wont be......he sounds really sweet and that feeling you have of wanting to be with him even though you see him every day...thats a wonderful feeling isnt it.....stay together....work it out...bring out the best in each other......best wishes...deb Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Studies show the feeling of doubt before marriage doesn't go away in marriage. Doubt foreshadows a bad marriage. I would resolve your doubt so that you can enjoy whatever decision you make. You deserve to enjoy your marriage if that's what you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
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