ConstantlyBlake Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 My husband's past has haunted me to the point of conflict is starting to develop due to his past. Its funny how his ex wife who was not loyal, lied a lot, stole from him in a manner that their children would suffer without food or transportation. She wanted to party, sleep all day, be catered as a queen while her husband would work all day, pick kids from daycare, cook dinner, help with homework, wash clothes while she slept to refresh for her date/dates the next morning. I try to understand his love for her but now I conclude its her manipulative ways that has caused unnecessary conflict in our new relationship. I get the wrath from his past. The type of person I am is easy going, use to have low sf esteem so humbleness has always been my walk. I am so honest that it can be offensive to those who perfer sugar Coding due to not handling the truth. I am a deep thinker, philosopher (my opinion), learned its ok to be alone at times to reflect, relax and stay calm. If we listen to our inner self we can get many answers to questions we have. I also am very upbeat, outgoing and a social bug. That character in me starts a fight with my husband bc when im chattie kathy he loves it but when I am quiet and loving my peaceful non verbal conversation it turns to a interrogation of "are u mad", "whats wrong" etc. Being open I always inform him I am just mediating or writing in deep thought. Cheating is not my style bc all I have to do is be single and I understand pain of cheating hurts, unnecessary and plan stupid. My feelings right now is as if my down to earth, open minded mine, opinionated words and comfortability in FINALLY loving thyself and recognizing my husband's struggle to help him zee his worth has turned into a question in his head if I am real or not. Yes I have suggested separating to allow his healing but he always ends it with "no!' U are unjque and I dont want to lose that. But in his process of finding himself I feel at times I am losing myself Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 You two just have a communications issue. I'm a chatty person & my husband is not. I used to interpret his silences negatively, constantly asking if something was wrong. Then something became wrong because I annoyed him with my asking. If you are otherwise straight forward with your husband & you tell him when something is bothering you rather than being the type of person who says "I'm fine" & then goes off & gets annoyed when your SO didn't read your mind & guess why you are upset, help him to understand the silence. Explain that you just need more quiet time then he does but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong or that you want out. If his EX or others gave him "the silent treatment" when they were mad, it may take a while to rewire him. But you can. Do not suggest separating as a way to fix your problems. Pulling the marriage apart breaks it even more. Talking & staying together facilities healing & forges a better bond. When you threaten divorce or separation you weaken the marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConstantlyBlake Posted November 24, 2014 Author Share Posted November 24, 2014 Thanks for that advice which made perfect sense and I can definitely relate to all points you made..High Five Link to post Share on other sites
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