Jump to content

Husband wants to take a less paying job that's further away.


Recommended Posts

I will start by saying I have ALWAYS been good with money. I never had debts, never paid for anything with credit cards, always cash, until I met my husband. My savings has been picked away ever since I've known him (10 years) because he can barely pay for anything. I've paid his rent, his bills, his debts, bought him motorcycles. We bought a house over a year ago and I'd say he's paid his share of the mortgage maybe twice and a few other times gives me maybe half of what he owes but mostly it's me paying for everything.

 

I am college educated and work at a job I love but I am only making $24/hr and I have a 45 minute commute each way to work. He, on the other hand, is lucky to even have a GED but is making $37/hr and has a 20 minute commute one way to work. He has been at this company for 6 years and on your 6 year anniversary you get bumped up to the max pay for your level so this past May he jumped up from $24/hr to $37/hr. The problem is he gets so much taken out of each check (child support, loans, garnishment for unpaid debt, cafeteria) that he loses about $800 a check to that. Add to that another $300 or so that goes into another fund and he still only comes home with about $1000 every two weeks. I am making $13 less an hour than him, yet I come home with about $1600 every 2 weeks.

 

So he is tired of his job and wants to take a 6 month to year break from it. Riiiight! If he leaves there he will NEVER go back! He finally finagled his way to a different job area that he says he likes and is happy there and raves about being able to go in on the weekends and make time and a half and double time for doing menial work but still wants to go and work as a motorcycle mechanic for this guy he knows. So he will leave a $37/hr job to go and probably make MAYBE $18/hr, plus his commute would be at least an hour each way. It's ridiculous! If he can't pay his bills at $37/hr what makes him think that $18/hr is going to help that??!! Any money he does bring home will go to filling up his gas tank. Oh he tells me that he will be so much happier working on bikes and now that he'd be making less money he wouldn't have to pay as much child support and he can bring in at least $2000/month. No. He will be so fed up with the commute after a week and he will probably not like a few of the people he works with and he will find out that he's not making anything close to what he's making now.

 

No matter what I say to him he will give me this argument. There's no way I can get him to see that he is making a terrible choice. I'd be more on board with him doing this for 6 months if the commute was the same as he has now, but traveling that far for a menial paying job when you have a great paying one only 20 minutes away is absurd! I am all for him being happy at his job but right now he needs to be at a job that allows him to pay his bills. Maybe once he gets caught up on all his credit card debt and can pay his share of bills on a regular basis he can go work there, but not now!

Link to post
Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA

Sounds like he is sinking into irresponsibility. Possibly from feeling too much pressure. The lack of importance of maintaining child support with a cut in pay, is definitely showing he is not happy at work. Sometimes being so caught in personal feelings will keep importance from being seen.

 

I had similar... made good money, less time at home, and SO very unhappy. Which made me very unhappy. Til I said no more... SO happy, less pay, more time at home, until SO complains about lack of money. The whole viscous circle engulfs me in the end.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

He won't spend a lot on gas if he rides his motorcycle to and from work.

 

Let him sell his car to pay his bills.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Time to decide how much you love and care about this man. If he's miserable at his job, here's a piece of advice, you have to let a person do what makes them happy or else they will break. Be happy he's taking a cut rather than just quitting. For some people being comfortable and happy is more important than having more and being miserable.

 

Sit him down and ask HIM to write out a budget on paper for his bills with his new proposed job.

Edited by Popsicle
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Time to decide how much you love and care about this man. If he's miserable at his job, here's a piece of advice, you have to let a person do what makes them happy or else they will break. Be happy he's taking a cut rather than just quitting. For some people being comfortable and happy is more important than having more and being miserable.

 

Sit him down and ask HIM to write out a budget on paper for his bills with his new proposed job.

 

This. Seems that he is following his passion = motorcycles.

 

 

Also, I have no idea where the 2000 comes from but I have this feeling that while he is not listening to you, you are also not listening to his arguments why he would be making more there. That isn't a number he just randomly mentioned.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
This. Seems that he is following his passion = motorcycles.

 

 

Also, I have no idea where the 2000 comes from but I have this feeling that while he is not listening to you, you are also not listening to his arguments why he would be making more there. That isn't a number he just randomly mentioned.

 

Yes $2000 IS a number he randomly mentioned! He just told me that to get me to agree to it. He has no idea how much he'd be making there as all he's done at this point is send a Facebook message to this guy asking if he needs a mechanic. He hasn't asked anything about what the job actually entails or what he'd make. How on earth is the guy going to make AS MUCH at this job when he'll be making $20 less per hour?! He thinks his child support will go down dramatically because he'll take on a lesser paying job. Nope! From my research if he voluntarily takes a lesser paying job and the court sees that they will still expect him to pay the same amount he is paying now. He'll be paying a lot more for gas too. He'll be fed up with the commute and I guarantee he will not get along with someone there because he doesn't get along with someone at every job he has had!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes $2000 IS a number he randomly mentioned! He just told me that to get me to agree to it. He has no idea how much he'd be making there as all he's done at this point is send a Facebook message to this guy asking if he needs a mechanic. He hasn't asked anything about what the job actually entails or what he'd make. How on earth is the guy going to make AS MUCH at this job when he'll be making $20 less per hour?! He thinks his child support will go down dramatically because he'll take on a lesser paying job. Nope! From my research if he voluntarily takes a lesser paying job and the court sees that they will still expect him to pay the same amount he is paying now. He'll be paying a lot more for gas too. He'll be fed up with the commute and I guarantee he will not get along with someone there because he doesn't get along with someone at every job he has had!

 

He has to come to that conclusion for himself somehow. If you are just shooting it down unilaterally he will resent you forever for ruining his dream. No matter how much of a pipe dream it was. I'd sit down with him and help him figure out the budget.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh, what a mess. I am not on board with the idea of coddling him. I would tell him that you two are in this together, so these are JOINT decisions so sell the idea to you. Have all the details worked out, budgeting, etc. on why this isn't an awful idea and why you should be on board.

 

If he is known to bounce around on ideas and not think things through then that is a better issue. I would suggest financial counseling. He needs a better handle on money.

 

Or cut bait.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Number 1 marriage killer here.

 

Truth is some times WE ALL have to do thinks or stick with it when we don't want to, because its best for those involved. Doesn't sound like this is the right time to make that move. I think it would be wise to get him on broad with staying there and picking up some training or college before he makes a move. Honestly he is lucky to have 75k job with just a GED. I have a masters (sociology, pretty worthless on the job market) and MBA and I'm only in the 120k range.

 

Point is, we who hold degrees have more options, convince him he needs more option before he leaves what is a great paying job for a GED.

 

Also, stop allowing him to act like a teenage boy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Going by your many negative posts about your husband and the situations you end up bieng in with him, I have to ask, what are you even getting out of bieng with this man? This newest issue just seems like one more head ache you have to deal with as a result of bieng with this man.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

"If he can't pay his bills at $37/hr what makes him think that $18/hr is going to help that??!! "

 

 

 

Have you ever even enforced his share of the bills at home, or does he only feel responsible for the auto debits coming out of his check? He may be basing his 'bill paying ability' on just that. HIS bills.

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
Going by your many negative posts about your husband and the situations you end up bieng in with him, I have to ask, what are you even getting out of bieng with this man? This newest issue just seems like one more head ache you have to deal with as a result of bieng with this man.

 

This just adds MORE issues to your marriage!

 

Mapper, I really hope you take time to figure out if you want to stay married to him. He's immature, not a great husband to you and not a great father to his daughter.

Link to post
Share on other sites
compulsivedancer

If he's not good with finances and you are, you need to take them over and put him on an allowance. Have the money direct deposited and take away his debit card. Give him a personal spending account for him, and when it's gone it's gone.

 

Then take the money from what's left of his paycheck and start paying off his debts with it so that his garnishments won't be there any more. Negotiate settlements with his bill collectors, etc. Do it in writing or online if necessary so that they don't know it's a woman.

 

Before you know it, he'll actually be contributing again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am college educated and work at a job I love but I am only making $24/hr

 

Gotta say, I'm amazed that you say ONLY $24/hr. I'd kill for that much. I'm college educated and only make $9.30/hr and that's after getting a few raises.

 

But on the note of financial responsibility, I know what you mean. My boyfriend makes much more than I, but is not good with money at all. I paid some of his bills for 3 months in a row, and put gas in his tank, all on my $9.30 an hour. All because he is garbage with money, has insane debts, and has pointless bills that don't need to exist. And then he starts buying all these books. Philosophy books. Metaphysics books. Books books books. He wants to go into a new field. Im glad to see him pursuing something he likes but to be buying hundreds of books, when I was just paying his bills for him, irks me to no end.

 

I unfortunately have no advice, no resolution for the issue, but wanted to say that I know how you feel.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Gotta say, I'm amazed that you say ONLY $24/hr. I'd kill for that much. I'm college educated and only make $9.30/hr and that's after getting a few raises.

 

But on the note of financial responsibility, I know what you mean. My boyfriend makes much more than I, but is not good with money at all. I paid some of his bills for 3 months in a row, and put gas in his tank, all on my $9.30 an hour. All because he is garbage with money, has insane debts, and has pointless bills that don't need to exist. And then he starts buying all these books. Philosophy books. Metaphysics books. Books books books. He wants to go into a new field. Im glad to see him pursuing something he likes but to be buying hundreds of books, when I was just paying his bills for him, irks me to no end.

 

I unfortunately have no advice, no resolution for the issue, but wanted to say that I know how you feel.

 

I hear you! I am a college grad making $13! I made $20 for a short time until the company bankrupted and laid me off. I relocated and had to take a lesser paying job. $24/hr is a pretty decent living in most areas.

 

Anyways OP, we've told you repeatedly your husband is bad news. Leave him or accept him as he is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
tobrieornottobrie

Have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? Talking about anything finance related can be so difficult, so having an objective party present where you can both safely voice your feelings may be helpful. That's definitely a difficult situation to navigate. I hope that it all works out for you. Blessings!

 

~ for the love of food ~

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Have you thought about seeing a marriage counselor? Talking about anything finance related can be so difficult, so having an objective party present where you can both safely voice your feelings may be helpful. That's definitely a difficult situation to navigate. I hope that it all works out for you. Blessings!

 

~ for the love of food ~

 

I think her husband may have refused MC.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...