Guest5 Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 My wife and I have been married for a little under one year. And until recently, it was only us, plus our two year old son. However, recently she has made peace with her parents, and I still do not accept them for what they have done to her and us in the past (which I will not go through here). While once, I and our son were her priorities, it seems that her family is now her number one priority, and I have been left to 'babysit' our son whilist she goes out with them and has a good time. She will often say 'I am having dinner with the family' which makes me feel left out. I do not get offered anymore, and while part of me would go to the dinner, another part loathes the idea. Anyway, what I was wondering is what should I do here? Should I see her family with my wife, so we can spend more time together, or should I continue to make out that everything is fine? It upsets me a little, as she spends more time with them lately than us (or so it seems). Any suggestions would be great ... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Ask your wife why you do not get invited, and express that you wish you could join all of them. That you do feel left out. Perhaps she is assuming you don't want to go, so she doesn't ask. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Originally posted by Guest5 My wife and I have been married for a little under one year. And until recently, it was only us, plus our two year old son. However, recently she has made peace with her parents, and I still do not accept them for what they have done to her and us in the past (which I will not go through here). While once, I and our son were her priorities, it seems that her family is now her number one priority, and I have been left to 'babysit' our son whilist she goes out with them and has a good time. She will often say 'I am having dinner with the family' which makes me feel left out. I do not get offered anymore, and while part of me would go to the dinner, another part loathes the idea. Anyway, what I was wondering is what should I do here? Should I see her family with my wife, so we can spend more time together, or should I continue to make out that everything is fine? It upsets me a little, as she spends more time with them lately than us (or so it seems). Any suggestions would be great ... First off....I need to give ya some advice...when your a dad who watches YOUR child, its not called "babysitting"......,its called being a Dad......I said that ONCE and I got an earful...hahahaha Anyways, I used to have a hard time being around my inlaws too. I could only stand a few hours at a time. My wife didnt have the best life as a kid. We really didnt go back until our mid 20's....and I hated it. But my wife wanted to make amends.....let bygones be bygones...move on. It wasn't until I was about 30 yo that i realized I had to stop my selfish behavior about not wanting to go visit them. So after a few times of actual trying to get to know them.....they are not that bad at all......WE ALL have problems.....and everyboby has there own way......it took me awhile, but I got over my issue with them. SO...if I were you, i would ask to go along to dinner sometime....get a babysitter , or take the kid along, I'm sure Ma and Pops would love to see him too. Leave all your emotions at home and start anew....casue if your wife is on the mending trail....then it will be a long awkward road for you if you dont at least give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 It would probably help if you could give us "the rest of the story" but I understand if you don't want to go into that... I can give you her side a bit.... If she didn't talk or interact with her parent's for a while, she may be making up for lost time. However, it doesn't need to take away from her time with you and your son.... In my own experience, my mother, whom I am very close to, due to menopause or just plain meaness decided to tell me some things that she thought of my husband and thought he was doing. They were HORRIBLE!! I told her if she didn't take it back or truly believed it, I couldn't in good faith have anything to do with her. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done..... I didn't speak or see her for almost 2 years. Although it was the right thing to do, it almost killed me. I missed holidays and missed out on some precious time with my brother (he died a year later after Mama and I reconciled). Mama had to be rushed to the ER due to an injury. Daddy had to stay with my disabled brother and Mama was alll alone. I couldn't stand the thoughts of her being alone and my husband told me to go ahead and go see about her.... We talked and I told her that she truly needed to change her opinion.....she was softening up due to meds and counseling.... It was hard on my husband because he couldn't forgive her and neither could my daughter. I was so torn. I felt like I was being pulled apart and I didn't know what to do.... I don't know what happened between y'all BUT if there is ANYWAY you can forgive or at least move on, maybe you'll be asked to join in or feel better about being around them....it will take a while... You can learn to act as if nothing is wrong till you start to feel that way, it's not really the healthy thing to do. If you could talk about your hurt and such that would be better. Link to post Share on other sites
Dakini Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Right on, TMW! I also want to say that, ultimately, the only person your emotions and inactions are hurting are you. Yes, your wife may be hurt etc., but it is your pain that you need to address. As such, I believe you owe it to yourself and your own happiness to bring up these issues with your wife. In order for your relationship with your wife to be a happy one, YOU must ultimately be happy. You owe that to your marriage. Remember, she married YOU - not her parents - even though it may seem that way in the short term. Hang in there! D Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Sorry to go off-topic, folks Dakini, I would like to talk to you about your emmigration/immigration experiences, if you don't mind. You don't have PM yet. E-mail? Link to post Share on other sites
kiwi29f Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Family is family, you all need each other. I didn't have the greatest childhood due to living with numerous relatives & moving around alot, I think I ended up going to 12 different schools by the time I hit 10th grade. But I've forgiven my mom & dad & my husband doesn't have anything against them although my mom put us through hell for a while. My mom has done some things that some people would say was unforgivable but I forgave her. Whatever they did, if you wife can forgive them then you should too. Your child needs to have your wifes family apart of his life as much as he needs your family in it. Life is too short to hold a grudge, you don't realize it until its too late. Link to post Share on other sites
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