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So I may have married an asexual woman.


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Rainydayz4ever

Hello all, new to the site and this will be my first post. I need help.

 

I have lived with my wife for 10 years, married 7. New her years before we started dating. She was wild back then. Had sex and seemed to enjoy it. She used to have sex with me while dating. Quite often. And then now things are different. Way way different. We have been openly communicating for years regarding our lack of sex/her lack of willingness to be a mutual partner anyway. When questioned regarding how she could change like that she replyed something like "it used to be thrilling sleeping with men because I wasent supposed to, it's just not the same anymore." She's not cheating on me, I know and trust that because this woman can go months without any intimacy/contact and carry on as if it didn't even exist.

 

I am have a healthy sexual appetite, realistically I'd prefer to have exciting sex 5-6 times a week. Currently I'm lucky if she lets me bang her lifeless bag once every 2 weeks. And I mean lifeless because that's what it is, any movement from her is retraction and any noise is groaning or grunting because she doesn't like it. She can only orgasm with a vibrator externally and only a specific one - with fresh batteries. And even then she can go months, and months without touching the thing. She refuses to give me oral sex, and has for ever. If I beg and beg and fight she will, but she complains the whole time and only under her terms. She also doesn't let me give her oral. If I'm down there it's only to moisten up her sand trap. Even then she is yawning, looking at the wall or pushing me away.

 

I do watch porn, and she knows it. Did it bother her back then? Yes, does it still bother her now? I don't really care at this point. I love her and am attracted to her but I can only go so long before I need to be touched by someone (even if it's myself). I don't cheat on her, I don't go to strip clubs. I don't stay out late at bars. When I'm not busting my ass at work, I'm over here cleaning the house waiting on my wife, asking her about her day, trying to engage her in hopes she might make love to me. We have a 3 year old, and now she's 9 weeks pregnant. These children I wanted and was an equal contributor --- I love my daughter currently but almost resent her sometimes because my wife loves her more than me! Yup that's right, more than me and she'd prolly admit it or say "grow up" but it's true. Her ideal night is sleeping in bed with my daughter. It took two years to get this child out of my bed and she still ends up back some point or another. Likely looking at my massive morning wood every morning which disgusts me. I've told me wife, it's no longer appropriate due to these issues, but she doesn't care... Now these children, they are here because we made them but only because she wanted them. I'd prefer to do other things but wanted children eventually. I thought hey, if it makes my wife happy then sure what ever. Yet still I'm alone.

 

I've told her since my daughter was born, after the longest stent of sexlessness, 90 days no touch, no kiss, no nothing that I wanted a divorce. Since then I've told her 3 separate times I wanted a divorce due to sexlessness, Everytime she refuses to leave, refuses to accept divorce but refuses to change. We've tried marriage counseling , flowers, I practically kiss her ass everyday. Nothing.

 

For years I resorted to drinking to kill my emotion inside, she told me in counseling that my drinking was a problem to her. Boom, I stopped. She told me I didn't take interest in her lifestyles boom I did. I lost 20 lbs and am down to 160- a 23BMI, still no change in her. She tells me it's because I don't make her feel loved, she can't have sex without feeling loved ---- I tell her I can't love without being sexed. That didn't work, so now I'm doing the loving anyway and it's still not working.

 

 

I've tried everything, I'm getting nothing I want out of life, I'm depressed. I've grown cold towards woman in general as Everytime I see a woman I'm attracted to, instead of excitement or checking her out I get this cold feeling inside, this empty feeling inside. I want to experience pleasure, excitement. And I could from my wife yet she is cold as ice. Please read this long winded story and if anything pat me on the back. I'm down, lonely and feel worthless.

Edited by Rainydayz4ever
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Currently I'm lucky if she lets me bang her lifeless bag once every 2 weeks.

 

Take a minute to think about the above sentence you wrote. I understand your frustrated and not sure what to do but right now you have too much anger towards your wife to think clearly.

 

Under anger there's pain. Confront the pain.

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You have no credibility and you do far too much. You told her 3 times you want a divorce, yet did nothing about it. She sees you as weak because you make empty threats and still do a lot for her. You can't nice someone into wanting sex. You have to act like a man - not a wuss - to generate attraction, and you're not doing that.

 

I don't think you'll be able to fix this. I think you should file for divorce and start working on yourself, basically ignoring her unless it involves your child.

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Rainy, you probably already know this but at 9 week pregnant, you have a long way to go before you can even THINK about improving your sex life. It's just not in the cards for you right now. Time to focus about other things in your life. Career, kids, working out? I feel for you because I remember when I used to be tortured about the lack of sex. Now I got too much other stuff going to spend much time worrying about whether I am getting some tonight or not, and when we do have sex my wife is the one doing the chasing (not very often, but I don't care anymore)

 

BTW. If you want a divorce, then get a divorce. She does not have to "accept" it. But legally you can't do that while she is pregnant in most states, and ethically it would be pretty dishonorable to do that while she has a toddler on her hands, so again, you are stuck for a few years my friend!

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Smthn_Like_Olivia

You can't say you want a divorce and then expect her to leave. You leave. Pack your stuff and go. A marriage will never get better if all the effort and work is one sided. Leave and let her know that if she doesn't really want to make your marriage better, then you're done, and follow through with it.

 

And what one other poster said about not cheating is correct. When I was with my ex, I could go months without sex and had no desire for it. Once we divorced and I started dating again, my sex drive was through the roof. My guy now and I have probably had sex more times than I did during my entire 10 year marriage.

 

The connection between you and your wife is gone. Either she can work with you to find it again, or you can cut ties and move on. Everyone deserves to be happy and fulfilled and it doesn't sound like either of you are at this point.

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I forgot to add, try laying off the porn for a month or 2 and see if that helps, I found that for me, it artificially increased my sex drive to the point that I was usually more frustrated after watching porn than before.

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HereNorThere

I'd just like to point out that asexuality is a completely different thing than loss of desire or attraction.

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Rainy, you probably already know this but at 9 week pregnant, you have a long way to go before you can even THINK about improving your sex life.

 

BTW. If you want a divorce, then get a divorce. She does not have to "accept" it. But legally you can't do that while she is pregnant in most states, and ethically it would be pretty dishonorable to do that while she has a toddler on her hands, so again, you are stuck for a few years my friend!

 

I hate to point out the obvious but she IS pregnant. My guess is that you didn't have sex only once nine months ago.

 

I chose never to procreate because I think the whole process is unfair to women. My father asked my mother for a divorce when she was four months pregnant with my brother thus causing my poor mom so much psychological stress. My brother was born autistic and now lives in a group home.

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Discjockey80

This is going to sound insensitive and crass...but it's also truth.

 

 

Her sex drive relies on her ability to do whatever she wants when she wants. People like this really don't want to be married....deep down.

 

 

I've heard of enough scenarios where women who were cold to their husbands adjusted their attitude and easily got their red hot desire back for their husband. But it takes a deliberate effort on her part and your part.

 

 

Unfortunately, most people nowdays aren't capable of doing that.

 

 

It seems for so many people now the responsibility of their libido relies 100% on their partner, period.

 

 

Sorry to say, and especially with a pregnancy...she has no intent on showing you the respect she needs to show. And you have a responsibility to tell her how it is. Be a man and do that. Tell her that once the baby is born, you intend to file for divorce straight away. If she refuses to honor the marriage covenant, she as abdicated her rights in your bed.

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lollipopspot
We have a 3 year old, and now she's 9 weeks pregnant. These children I wanted and was an equal contributor --- I love my daughter currently but almost resent her sometimes because my wife loves her more than me! Yup that's right, more than me and she'd prolly admit it or say "grow up" but it's true. Her ideal night is sleeping in bed with my daughter. It took two years to get this child out of my bed and she still ends up back some point or another. Likely looking at my massive morning wood every morning which disgusts me. I've told me wife, it's no longer appropriate due to these issues, but she doesn't care... Now these children, they are here because we made them but only because she wanted them. I'd prefer to do other things but wanted children eventually. I thought hey, if it makes my wife happy then sure what ever. Yet still I'm alone.

 

I've told her since my daughter was born, after the longest stent of sexlessness, 90 days no touch, no kiss, no nothing that I wanted a divorce. Since then I've told her 3 separate times I wanted a divorce due to sexlessness, Everytime she refuses to leave, refuses to accept divorce but refuses to change. We've tried marriage counseling , flowers, I practically kiss her ass everyday. Nothing.

 

For years I resorted to drinking to kill my emotion inside, she told me in counseling that my drinking was a problem to her. Boom, I stopped. She told me I didn't take interest in her lifestyles boom I did. I lost 20 lbs and am down to 160- a 23BMI, still no change in her. She tells me it's because I don't make her feel loved, she can't have sex without feeling loved ---- I tell her I can't love without being sexed. That didn't work, so now I'm doing the loving anyway and it's still not working.

 

I've tried everything, I'm getting nothing I want out of life, I'm depressed. I've grown cold towards woman in general as Everytime I see a woman I'm attracted to, instead of excitement or checking her out I get this cold feeling inside, this empty feeling inside. I want to experience pleasure, excitement. And I could from my wife yet she is cold as ice. Please read this long winded story and if anything pat me on the back. I'm down, lonely and feel worthless.

 

I can't "pat you on the back" because your post really pisses me off.

 

Your children didn't ask to be born. Maybe your marriage was better when you had the first one three years ago (was it?), but you royally screwed up by getting your wife pregnant again even though you were actively wanting a divorce.

 

These children deserve better. Buck up and be a dad now and take care of yourself in the bathroom until these kids get older and the destabilizing effects of divorce won't affect them as much. Your young children are more important than your love life. Read up on child psychology and get a vasectomy.

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-She has no attraction or desire for you. You may or may not be able to get it back. It will take lots of work and change on your part but it may be quicker, easier and more affective to just divorce and find someone else. You both have so much resentment and bitterness it may be better for both of you to just call it quits.

 

 

- You are angry, bitter and resentful. Those feelings may be justified but they are still unsexy and will slam her legs shut even if she's the cause in the first place.

 

- Just because she has no desire for you doesn't mean she not having wild porno sex with someone else and riding him with wild abandon. You owe it to yourself to do a thorough investigation to see if she is getting her needs met elsewhere while keeping you around to take care of the kids and so she doesn't lose her home. Don't waste your breath asking, she'll just say no. Do an actual investigation without her knowledge. If it turns out she is getting it elsewhere while she starves you, that will make the decision to leave that much easier.

 

- nobody needs consent to divorce and No-one can "refuse" to divorce. The reason you didn't divorce her those three times is because you were bluffing and trying to manipulate her behavior with the threat of divorce. She called your bluff and in so doing quite effectively cut off your balls and put them on the shelf for safe storage where they won't cause any trouble.

 

- If you want to divorce her, you will have to actually fill out the paperwork and file and actually do it. You can't just say you will.

 

- If you want to have an actual healthy and satisfying sex life you will either have to transform yourself into someone she would be attracted to (become the person she would have an affair with) or find someone else who is attracted to you. You can't change her.

 

- as was stated earlier you can't "nice" your way to someone's desire. If you are intrinsically a good person and treat people kindly in the first place, if she isn't attracted to you now she won't be more attracted if you become more "nice."

And if you are actually an A-hole, pretending to be nice will absolutely fail because it's fake and its just a manipulation to get in her pants and she'll call your bluff on that too.

 

You have 4 options -

 

1. Transform yourself into someone she can desire.

 

2. Leave.

 

3. Get it elsewhere, with or without permission.

 

4. Suck it up and live with it.

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Do you talk to her the way in which you posted? If so, I can totally understand why she doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

Otherwise, it sounds like you guys are completely incompatible and your resentment factor is HUGE. It's hard to come back from that much resentment. I would say get a divorce. Don't just threaten it. Do it. You can still be a good dad even if you're not married to their mother.

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Rainydayz4ever

Ok so I understand that I was inappropriate in my disc tiptoeing but was trying to paint an accurate picture for y'all. Sorry if I offended any of you, hopefully some may understand where I'm coming from. Obiously I do not speak to my wife that way. I have said some pretty blunt and poorly choices words to her over the years regarding this issue, however like I said we have been to counsiling and this is where I learned some stuff. I listened to my wife, and to the counsler. I remember everything from those sessions. I was unable to change instantly but have in the past year made an honest/Ernest attempt at everything and have been succsusful in fixing majority of issues.

 

My beef with her at the time was that she wouldn't work or have sex with me and chours/responsibilities were not divided up equally. Two years later she is working part time now. We take care of our daughter without help from friends/family or daycare. She is the world to my wife and I love her dearly.

 

She has no interest/investment in our relationship. We have less than 10,000 in savings rent an apt and own 1 car. She is a nurse, she makes the same amt of money and she is able to independent provide for herself and children if needed. The reason I say I feel she is not cheeting is because if that were the case then I'd feel like she'd jump on the chance to leave as I've often brought it up. But she does not. She does not allow me to leave if I'm leaving with intent to seperate, things get out of hand quickly and she gets physical sometimes definately vocal. If I were to leave the only way out would be behind her back or with the police over which I don't intend on doing.

 

Today was my day off from work, her day at work. I did all the weekly chores, cleaned bathroom washed the floors, did the laundry, went grocery shipping bought her flowers, and some chocolate items from the local chocolate store. Bathed my child and got her ready for bed before she got out of work.

 

I realize that she's pregnant and I should cut her some slack but these issues have been at her attention long before children were involved. If she made an honest attempt to do the things I ask then I would be here right now. But the truth is she hasent, and didn't before the pregnancy. Also last pregnancy was some of the longest stents of sexlessness in which I did not even think to complain about because I was more concerned with the child, and her well being. I'm not about to sit idle again though. I will not be divorcing her anytime soon but thanks for the encouragement and letting me know I'm not wrong for thinking I want out.

 

By the way I'm 29, she's 27. I've known her since she was in 9th grade. Started dating out of highschool.

 

I understand that there is a difference between a sexuality and loss of desire. In order to loose something u must possess it first an I'm not 100% sold she had it ever. She very well could have faked her way through life, and now the truth comes out. I truest feel either she's completely not into me or completely not into sex. She has told me a million times she never used to master bate regularly as a youth, and doesn't now. After the **** I've been through I tell u I believe her.

 

Thanks for all your responses and help so far I'm interested in hearing more from y'all and hopefully more from some women whom I've likely pissed off already with my descriptions. Honest as they may have been.

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You are making some very common mistakes and buying into some very erroneous fallacies.

 

I am going to reccommend two books and two other websites to help you deal with this.

 

Your wife has no sexual attraction for you, perhaps never has. You are buying into the fallacy that being "nice" and doing housework and buying flowers stimulate desire. They do not. (Those things are an important part of being a good person and a good partner and a good housemate but they do not stimulation attraction and desire)

 

The book and website "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover does a good job of helping "nice guys" get their balls back and keep from being pushed around and manipulated as well as pursuing what they want in an effective manner as an adult man rather than hoping to get thrown a bone for being a nice little boy and being rewarded by the lady of the house.

 

And the book and website, "The Married Man Sexlife Primer" by Athol Kay does a good job of explaining what women actually respond to sexually and discusses actual step by step game plans husbands can do to gain back their wife's respect and attraction.

 

Both authors however do admit that some people are very mismatched and incompatible and that sometimes the best course of action is to Velcro your balls back on and pack your bags to move on and pursue a partner you are more compatible with.

 

The silver lining there is the same traits and characteristics that may trip your wife's trigger will also attract the general female populace so if it just ain't happening with your wife, another woman will take interest.

 

Once you become attractive enough that better women than your wife will have you, then she has the choice to either step up to the plate or let you go. If you are able to easily find someone better than her, leaving her behind won't be so difficult.

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Hello all, new to the site and this will be my first post. I need help.

 

I have lived with my wife for 10 years, married 7. New her years before we started dating. She was wild back then. Had sex and seemed to enjoy it. She used to have sex with me while dating. Quite often. And then now things are different. Way way different. We have been openly communicating for years regarding our lack of sex/her lack of willingness to be a mutual partner anyway. When questioned regarding how she could change like that she replyed something like "it used to be thrilling sleeping with men because I wasent supposed to, it's just not the same anymore." She's not cheating on me, I know and trust that because this woman can go months without any intimacy/contact and carry on as if it didn't even exist.

 

I am have a healthy sexual appetite, realistically I'd prefer to have exciting sex 5-6 times a week. Currently I'm lucky if she lets me bang her lifeless bag once every 2 weeks. And I mean lifeless because that's what it is, any movement from her is retraction and any noise is groaning or grunting because she doesn't like it. She can only orgasm with a vibrator externally and only a specific one - with fresh batteries. And even then she can go months, and months without touching the thing. She refuses to give me oral sex, and has for ever. If I beg and beg and fight she will, but she complains the whole time and only under her terms. She also doesn't let me give her oral. If I'm down there it's only to moisten up her sand trap. Even then she is yawning, looking at the wall or pushing me away.

 

I do watch porn, and she knows it. Did it bother her back then? Yes, does it still bother her now? I don't really care at this point. I love her and am attracted to her but I can only go so long before I need to be touched by someone (even if it's myself). I don't cheat on her, I don't go to strip clubs. I don't stay out late at bars. When I'm not busting my ass at work, I'm over here cleaning the house waiting on my wife, asking her about her day, trying to engage her in hopes she might make love to me. We have a 3 year old, and now she's 9 weeks pregnant. These children I wanted and was an equal contributor --- I love my daughter currently but almost resent her sometimes because my wife loves her more than me! Yup that's right, more than me and she'd prolly admit it or say "grow up" but it's true. Her ideal night is sleeping in bed with my daughter. It took two years to get this child out of my bed and she still ends up back some point or another. Likely looking at my massive morning wood every morning which disgusts me. I've told me wife, it's no longer appropriate due to these issues, but she doesn't care... Now these children, they are here because we made them but only because she wanted them. I'd prefer to do other things but wanted children eventually. I thought hey, if it makes my wife happy then sure what ever. Yet still I'm alone.

 

I've told her since my daughter was born, after the longest stent of sexlessness, 90 days no touch, no kiss, no nothing that I wanted a divorce. Since then I've told her 3 separate times I wanted a divorce due to sexlessness, Everytime she refuses to leave, refuses to accept divorce but refuses to change. We've tried marriage counseling , flowers, I practically kiss her ass everyday. Nothing.

 

For years I resorted to drinking to kill my emotion inside, she told me in counseling that my drinking was a problem to her. Boom, I stopped. She told me I didn't take interest in her lifestyles boom I did. I lost 20 lbs and am down to 160- a 23BMI, still no change in her. She tells me it's because I don't make her feel loved, she can't have sex without feeling loved ---- I tell her I can't love without being sexed. That didn't work, so now I'm doing the loving anyway and it's still not working.

 

 

I've tried everything, I'm getting nothing I want out of life, I'm depressed. I've grown cold towards woman in general as Everytime I see a woman I'm attracted to, instead of excitement or checking her out I get this cold feeling inside, this empty feeling inside. I want to experience pleasure, excitement. And I could from my wife yet she is cold as ice. Please read this long winded story and if anything pat me on the back. I'm down, lonely and feel worthless.

 

Those who have never been in a long-term relationship without satisfying sex have no clue how hard it can be. Not that it is the only part of happiness with someone. Yet, it is more important than we may initially admit. It can be a rather relentless issue to the high-libido partner. Can absolutely mess with your actual self-esteem. I speak of this based on my own experiences.

 

 

It is not as if one is necessarily right and the other is wrong. What it boils down to is compatibility. Does not sound like there is much going on at all. It does not sound as if she's interested in compromising at any point going forward. Does not seem to be interested in having more sex at this point. Based on all the information you have offered. This suggests that she is set to be doing things based on her own terms right now.

 

 

Nor, does it sound as if you are interested in compromising in some ways either. You seem to be stuck on watching porn right now at all costs. Sounds as if she does not appreciate you watching it. No one can control you watching it at the end of each day. This does not suggest too much that is positive in relation to a positive solution either.

 

 

You honestly seem to be sort of bitter and thus trying to defend and justify your watching of porn as opposed to cheating in person or going to strip clubs. Please realize that everyone looks at what cheating is in completely different ways. Maybe, she has felt threatened in some form by you showing any form of attention away from her.

 

 

The issues which are going on between you seem to be extending outside of the actual bedroom. Lots of resentment on both sides. You cannot offer certain things and simply expect to get all you want back. That is not how life tends to work. Expectations never usually work out too well. The effort you have been showing in certain areas away from the porn is not helping matters get better at all. Neither of you should have to suffer. You may need to decide if this lack of sexual satisfaction is something you can live with going forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rainydayz4ever

Ok so updates:

 

1. I have terminated the porn. Not sure if I was supposed to but I told her I was doing so by putting a piece of paper on the wall in a space of mine keeping track of the days. Since I missed a few days being an off day first, then joining this website as a second and third was yesterday today is the 4th day. I'm not sure if I should be keeping track publicly but I wanted her to know and it also gives me something to remember when I'm lonely/weak.

 

2. I have done 2 things differently. I went out and got movies that she had been mentioning she wanted to see. Ones that I have no interest in watching. Ones that I knew would suck, but ones that I think she wanted me to be interested in. Then I cuddled with her and watched them. The next night (last night we finished the movie with more cuddle time. I mean cuddle time was like spooning for a few hours. Then when the lights went out I assumed my normal position to the side of the bed. When she got in bed she said something about the movie, and then asked why I was so far away. Then one thing to the next I was having somewhat mutually engaged sex. She was wet and she actually let me stimulate her externally while I hit it from behind. She initiated the external stim, I did my best to follow through. It was a bit exciting and I finished rather quickly and I tried my best to get her but as I mentioned she hasent really let me touch her in years upon years and never with my hand so I'm a bit rusty to say the least.

 

 

I am looking into the athol Kay ****, an will get her book. Should I inform her that I'm reading it or just do it without her knowing. As I said I've been transforming over the last year so more change will likely be unquestioned at this point.

 

When we were in therapy assuming she was truthful her complaints were not that I wasent man enough, and she did not mention lack of sexual attraction other than from my actions (not appearance).

 

****She complained that I didn't make her feel loved any more because I said hurtful things to her, didn't talk to her enough, didn't cuddle enough, didn't get her gifts surprises any more. *******

 

Now after reading a little about athol Kay's blog I've learned that this is all beta qualities. I likely lack many alpha qualities as well but there is no complaints in that dept. I assume those will come later after I over burden her with beta bul****. Already today I'm thinking what kind of gift should I get her??? But that would over do it right???? I know she wants to do something with my daughter when I get out of work but I suck at planning (alpha right?) so maybe I should switch gears and plan something?

 

I looked in the 5 languages of love on athol blog and she suggests finding which your partner is and hitting that one, instead of overdoing them all. How do I figure out which one she is? It seems like she wants them all except them all? I mean she has responded to the flowers and cuddle time and talking that's 3 how do I know which one it was???

 

I'm also planning on joining the gym. There is some issues here though. She tells me since we been together she's not into muscles, and prefers a little meat. Encouraged me to be a little heavy and stay out of the gym. Although I know all her sexual partners and 75% of the ones prior to me were built up and she has told me growing up her two crushes were the wrestler the rock, and also actor Johnny dep. also on this topic the rock shaves his head bald. Since last year I've noticed some thinning hair in the back. I've always kept it pretty short but have since started going down to the first grade on my shaver for my whole head. She tells me she wants me to grow my hair though and not keep it short. But it seems like other woman respond to my looks with comments more when I'm fresh cut (which she says she don't like). Is she trying to make me Look fat and and bald by making me grow my hair out? or does she really want this? I'm no longer over weight by the way and was never over 185/5'9 for reference. When we started dating I was around 150-160. Thanks for all the help and advice.

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- do NOT tell her about the Athol Kay books!!! There is are entire blogs and sections of the books and websites on when and how to bring your partner into the loop (if ever!)

 

- in fact one of the main things they stress in MMSL is stop talking and start doing. Don't talk about your intentions, just do them. Let your actions and your accomplishments do all the talking.

 

- many people really misunderstand the alpha vs beta thing in the bugging and turn themselves into *******s with the alpha and by turning off the beta. To have a healthy marriage with a Sexlife you have to have both. Do not turn off the beta, just turn up the alpha bit by bit. This will be things like planning, making decisions, not letting people (especially her) manipulate you or make you do things you don't want, gain muscle/lose fat (more on that later) and expressing your desires and initiating affection/romance/sexuality. You will also need to learn and master "Outcome Independence" where you don't get upset or whiney when she turns down your initiations.

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In regards to going to the gym - hit the weights like it is the cure for cancer, world hunger and missing puppies all rolled into one.

 

Learn to notice her actions and behaviors instead of her words. In this instance she tells you she likes you chubby but she fcks guys that are buff, assertive and athletic.

 

So ask yourself, do you want to be the guy who does her dishes, takes care of her kids and lets you rub her feet when you're a good boy or do you want to be the guy she she actually lusts for and rides like a stolen horse??

 

Always go by how people respond with action and not by what they say. If she fcks guys with muscles, GET MUSCLES!

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lollipopspot

oh yikes, don't read books based on pick up artist crap. When I first started reading about alphas and betas here I thought it was a joke. To my horror, people take this stuff seriously.

 

I don't know - maybe it will work on your wife. But that doesn't say something good about either the person it's working on or the one who's working her!

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She tells me she wants me to grow my hair though and not keep it short. But it seems like other woman respond to my looks with comments more when I'm fresh cut (which she says she don't like). Is she trying to make me Look fat and and bald by making me grow my hair out? or does she really want this?

 

 

 

 

I'm no longer over weight by the way and was never over 185/5'9 for reference. When we started dating I was around 150-160. Thanks for all the help and advice.

 

What she wants is a live-in maid/butler/personal assistant and nanny that helps her take care of the house and kids. She wants someone that other women have no interest in and will not lure him away.

 

What she responds to sexually is a fit, goodlooking, well dressed, confident, sexually assertive, dominant man that other women also find sexually attractive and so she has to compete with the other women sexually.

 

Competing against other women is very stressful and takes a lot of energy and resources so she has broken you like a horse and turned you into a domesticated puppy dog and turned you into that maid/nanny and personal assistant. Women aren't attracted to maids and nannys and assistants.

 

Become a lean, muscular, well dressed, well groomed, dominant man and other women will take notice. When she notices other women noticing you, she will do one of two things - she will either starting fcking you to keep you from leaving with one of them.

 

Or she will throw in the towel and walk away without a fight or putting in any effort to keep you.

 

If she doesn't fck you and leaves but you are able to get other women who will fck you, then who cares she left??

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I couldn't even finish reading your entire post because your descriptions of sex and your wife are truly rough to read. If the two of you are that mismatched, then you just need to get out of the relationship. Why on earth do you want to have sex with someone that you have to fight with them about it? Either she has a medical problem that she needs to figure out, or she just doesn't give a fig about having sex with you. My guess, though, is that she probably is cheating on you. And whether she is or not, this situation needs to be resolved or you just need to leave her.

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lollipopspot
If she doesn't fck you and leaves but you are able to get other women who will fck you, then who cares she left??

 

He's got a 3 year old and a 9 week old fetus. It matters to them to have an intact family. They matter more than his sexual satisfaction. There was a time not far back in which he could have left without looking over his shoulder. Because of his choices, that time has passed.

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He's got a 3 year old and a 9 week old fetus. It matters to them to have an intact family. They matter more than his sexual satisfaction. There was a time not far back in which he could have left without looking over his shoulder. Because of his choices, that time has passed.

 

He can still maintain a relationship and father-child bond and support children from another home and living another life with another woman that desires him and has a full-service relationship with him.

 

His wife needs to understand that and step up to the plate if she wants him in the same house.

 

No other man in the world would have her or support her or her children if she wasn't sexually responsive to him so why should the OP settle for that????

 

With a child and one on the way, he time to ignore and neglect him has passed.

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Rainydayz4ever

Like like like! I like all this talk it feels good to know I'm not alone. It's unfortunate that some people can't get over a real and true description of what sex has been like for me for the past 3 years and prior (what little I had anyway). I apologized for my bluntness already, twice I believe. But it was accurate, and obviously did the trick if people are uncomfortable reading it. How did u think I felt during all this. Many times when the scenario that's described the first post was playing out I would eventually withdraw unfinished to curl up and cry. Then she would get mad and tell me to just do it. Yadada yada. My actions obiously turned her off from myself sexually but instead of refusing she'd let me try and bust one out to keep me happy (or so she thought). However sex like this is extremely unsatisfying to me, as well as others I'm sure. It's horrible I agree with you. I've been so depressed and neglected, tuned away, useless for a long time due to this. I was wrong in the way I expressed it to her though.

 

Ok no go on telling her about the book. I'll hit that gym too. I know what u mean about when other woman notice it will make me more appealing. Today this woman I know who was a patient of mine who was slamming gorgeous and really slim sat in front of us at church. I was actually afraid she might start talking to me I'd be afraid that my wife would become envious of her body and feel subconscious of hers. She has had body immage issues in the past thy required psychological intervention.

 

Also a little more regarding her past. Her father left her and her mother and 2 siblings when she was about 5 I think. For his secretary who was 10 years younger than her mother. She still can recall the 2 years before he actually left that he spent sleeping with the secretary, the times they'd fight and the nights he spent away.

 

Thanks for all this help and advice, although some isn't the greatest for my situation. At this time I will not be considering divorce and also I'm telling you all she is not cheating on my. I'm really street smart, and I used to waste my time sneaking around looking through her accounts and whereabouts as I said this has been going on for a long time. She's accountable for anytime spent away, and when I'm not home she's got my daughter. My daughter is at the age right now that if they went anywhere or even if she got dropped off somewheres she would tell me " hey we went to johns house today" or something. The only way she would be able to cheat is if she snuck ou of our bed and had somebody pick her up outside and even then I have a watch dog and am a light sleeper. I'm telling you all she's not cheating. I'm not in denial and I'm not clueless either. Also if she was cheating on me don't you think she would have mentioned it in counsiling? She self sufficient so if she was having an affair but was afraid to leave me wouldn't she have packed my bags for me when I was ready to leave? I mean I know I can never be a 100% but I'd say I'm 95% sure and that's a lot, more than most can say.

 

I think I 100% agree she's trying to make me unappealing to other woman as I said she has confidence issues even though she's drop dead gorgeous. I can see how her plan would back fire an ten after making me ugly not want to have sex with me. This makes a lot of sense to me.

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He's got a 3 year old and a 9 week old fetus. It matters to them to have an intact family. They matter more than his sexual satisfaction. There was a time not far back in which he could have left without looking over his shoulder. Because of his choices, that time has passed.

 

He can still maintain a relationship and father-child bond and support children from another home and living another life with another woman that desires him and has a full-service relationship with him.

 

His wife needs to understand that and step up to the plate if she wants him in the same house.

 

No other man in the world would have her or support her or her children if she wasn't sexually responsive to him so why should the OP settle for that????

 

With a child and one on the way, he time to ignore and neglect him has passed.

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