AsiaOne Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hi Everyone! I just happen to be looking online to see articles about having a needy husband and came across this wonderful community. I'm new here and everyone seems to offer such thoughtful advice. My husband and I get to spend every other Saturday night alone and all day, every Sunday when our 5-year old daughter goes to her biological dad. My husband says that's not enough time and I need to give him more attention during the week when I put our daughter to bed. I feel that he is high maintenance and his requirements are different from mine. I work full time and I take online classes. It is hard having to balance being a wife and a mother. We have been married 3 years and I feel lucky that he wants to spend more time with me, but I feel too tired and need to decompress and be by myself some nights. How can I balance my work life and home and still have enough energy for a high maintenance husband? Thanks for all your thoughtful advice! AsiaOne Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 My husband says that's not enough time and I need to give him more attention during the week when I put our daughter to bed. Is that code for "he wants sex more than once a week" ??? Regardless, I can see where he's coming from, doesn't sound like you have a lot of interaction. As always, a compromise might be in order. How about online classes every other night alternated with movies/games/chilling together? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsiaOne Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thank you Mr. Lucky for your response. I wonder if that's what he means is more intimacy. I should've asked him rather than getting annoyed at his complaints. I will have to think about that one.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Just wanted to chime in on the topic, I thought Hmmm...I Needy a husband too! But then when I read your article I was like, nah, I no needy that scenario Marriage is contingent on finding that balance . Bless you for realizing that yours is in need of that. Being individuals in a "coupled" lifestyle can bring out the best and worse in a person. Lean towards being the best wife by creating your own inter-dependence. Decompressing can be ten minutes with a cup of tea, or it can be four hours avoiding a person. Most folks will find what works for their relations.... Link to post Share on other sites
Astrolink Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 "My husband and I get to spend every other Saturday night alone and all day, every Sunday" That's 4 days a month plus some nights. I suspect that's far less than the average couple of 3 years spends together. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Perhaps your husband could help you or work with you on the online classes? I encouraged my wife to take classes and I found that helping her with that was something good we could do together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Did you recognize this before you married him? What would a compromise look like? Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Calling him needy just sounds offensive especially when it doesn't sound like you spend much time with him at all. Are you sure that you aren't trying to find a way to make him out to be the bad guy because you are losing attraction and do not want to spend time with him? Sometimes people are needy, but your name calling actually sounds more shifting the blame for your own lack of attraction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinder_ella Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hi Everyone! I just happen to be looking online to see articles about having a needy husband and came across this wonderful community. I'm new here and everyone seems to offer such thoughtful advice. My husband and I get to spend every other Saturday night alone and all day, every Sunday when our 5-year old daughter goes to her biological dad. My husband says that's not enough time and I need to give him more attention during the week when I put our daughter to bed. I feel that he is high maintenance and his requirements are different from mine. I work full time and I take online classes. It is hard having to balance being a wife and a mother. We have been married 3 years and I feel lucky that he wants to spend more time with me, but I feel too tired and need to decompress and be by myself some nights. How can I balance my work life and home and still have enough energy for a high maintenance husband? Thanks for all your thoughtful advice! AsiaOne Does he work full-time? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 What sort of 'attention' is he wanting, OP? "My husband and I get to spend every other Saturday night alone and all day, every Sunday" That's 4 days a month plus some nights. I suspect that's far less than the average couple of 3 years spends together. I think 'alone' means 'without the kids around'. I would imagine that 4 whole days a month alone is pretty much par for the course for couples with children - or on the high side, even. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I think 'alone' means 'without the kids around'. I would imagine that 4 whole days a month alone is pretty much par for the course for couples with children - or on the high side, even. I'm assuming 'alone' is just code for sex. Especially since she mentioned he was wanting to spend more time with her after she puts her daughter to bed. With that being said, OP, regardless of whether he meant sex or just some form of intimacy, your husband doesn't sound needy at all. How long have you two been together in total? By my calculations, unless you met the day after you left your ex(husband?), since you've already been married three years and yet have a 5 year old by someone else, it would seem that perhaps this wasn't enough time to really assess what life with him would be like before tying the knot. I'm sure you have some very busy days what with work and school but surely your every hour isn't spent on the go or at study? Four days a week with your husband isn't much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 OP, describe a typical evening... Example: 1. I get home @ xxxx. H gets home @ xxxx 2. We do xxxx 3. Daughter gets put to bed. 4. We do xxxx After describing that, list your priorities in life, in order of priority. There are no 'wrong' answers. Are your online classes continuing education for your job or an enhancement in your career path or xxxx? In the three years you've been married, have you always been pursuing this additional education? How do you feel about your H's career path? I'm asking because work, money and 'time' are an often complex intermix in a marriage and one where communication and a clear vision of the couple's goals are paramount. IMO, the news here is that you have a marital issue to resolve. Any marital issues is an issue for the team, meaning both partners. It's not 'you' or 'him', rather 'us'. The couple works as a team, for the team. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AsiaOne Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Thank you for all your responses. It really made me think and assess things. Just today, I picked up the book "His Needs and Her Needs" from the library. I will make my marriage a priority. This forum Rocks! Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 People use the word "needy" when their spouse wants something they don't want to provide. You don't have to provide it if you don't want to. Just don't whine and point fingers if he finds someone who does. It's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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