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My husband and I are both in our 40's and have a happy marriage. Like everything in life nothing is perfect. The unperfectness in this situation has to do with passion. I married my husband because of his kindness, his ability to put up with my moods and a variety of other important traits. I traded passion for stability and long term goal planning. He's very attractive and I've always been sexually attracted to him even though we weren't really sexually compatible. Sometimes so much is going on in life that I don't even think about this issue but sometimes I do. I've spent most of our marriage trying to make things a bit more spicy but his sexual appetite isn't there. There isn't anything wrong with him he just has a low sexual appetite and therefore doesn't have the kind of creative desires that I have.

 

I know this isn't a huge problem but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on some great passionate love affair. I'm not going to cheat on him and I'm not going to leave him. I want to come to terms with this situation and stop feeling sorry for myself.

 

Any suggestions?

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Any suggestions?

Weird as it may sound, Google "taken in hand" relationships. NOT that any or all of it is or may be a solution...only that there are different ways of approaching relationships. At the same time, just one or two of the concepts could spark something for you and, or your husband.

 

Possibly it will work for you to be the 'head of household'...I think that might have made a difference in my (former) marriage but I have no way of knowing for sure.

 

If it just seems like garbage, then please just ignore the whole of it :).

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Weird as it may sound, Google "taken in hand" relationships. NOT that any or all of it is or may be a solution...only that there are different ways of approaching relationships. At the same time, just one or two of the concepts could spark something for you and, or your husband.

 

Possibly it will work for you to be the 'head of household'...I think that might have made a difference in my (former) marriage but I have no way of knowing for sure.

 

If it just seems like garbage, then please just ignore the whole of it :).

 

A couple of years back I bought a book called "The Loving Dominant" or something to that effect and showed it to my husband who in turn freaked out. So we no longer have any BDSM discussions. In any case, I don't like being hit and I don't want to hit him. But thanks for trying :)

 

I really think I'm making more of a big deal of it than it really is. I just need to get my priorities straight and think of the bigger picture.

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In any case, I don't like being hit and I don't want to hit him.

:) Yeah, I'm totally with you on that score. To be clear, for me the idea of "rules" and "consequences, discipline" for adults is completely ridiculous...whether that's hitting or "corner time" or whatever else. Not that I don't get the erotic value of BDSM activities, only that...well, I don't get that aspect of the TiH lifestyle.

 

Where my head was, is that sometimes relationships go flat because of the lack of there being a clear leader...again, I don't mean in a sexual or non-sexual dom/sub sense.

 

At the same time and as you say...sometimes the bigger picture can be of comfort. Too bad, though, that we can't have stability AND passion...that would be the best :love:

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I traded passion for stability and long term goal planning.

Any suggestions?

 

Well, why did you trade in passion for stability and long term goal planning? Did you want a husband or a financial advisor? Sorry to be so glib; but why did you marry a man you knew you weren't sexually compatible with?

 

If your marriage isn't bad enough to leave, and not enough to fulfill you, then what is it that you want to happen?

 

I think sexual compatibility is linked to emotional compatibility. How is your communication with each other? Do you have an emotionally intimate relationship with your husband or is he emotionally unavailable, aloof, or emotionally detached? Does your husband show you that he cares about your wants, needs, or values? When he and you discuss personal feelings, do you have to read between the lines (basically guess what he's trying to say) or is he straightforward and honest with you?

 

Maybe the root of the sexual incompatibility is in your emotional relationship with each other. Does that make sense at all?

Edited by writergal
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. He's very attractive and I've always been sexually attracted to him even though we weren't really sexually compatible. Sometimes so much is going on in life that I don't even think about this issue but sometimes I do. I've spent most of our marriage trying to make things a bit more spicy but his sexual appetite isn't there. There isn't anything wrong with him he just has a low sexual appetite and therefore doesn't have the kind of creative desires that I have.

 

 

 

Can you be a bit more specific? How often do you have sex? Is there some variety of different positions, oral? Is he concerned with your orgasm and caring in bed? Has he withdrawn or stopped having sex with you? Is this a drive issue - low sex - or no sex marriage? Or is this purely about him getting more creative and spicy trying BDSM? or what?

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:) Yeah, I'm totally with you on that score. To be clear, for me the idea of "rules" and "consequences, discipline" for adults is completely ridiculous...whether that's hitting or "corner time" or whatever else. Not that I don't get the erotic value of BDSM activities, only that...well, I don't get that aspect of the TiH lifestyle.

 

Where my head was, is that sometimes relationships go flat because of the lack of there being a clear leader...again, I don't mean in a sexual or non-sexual dom/sub sense.

 

At the same time and as you say...sometimes the bigger picture can be of comfort. Too bad, though, that we can't have stability AND passion...that would be the best :love:

 

I've had passionate romantic relationships where the man was clearly the leader but I wasn't so passive. There was a lot of nasty talk that to someone listening they'd probably think we were a pair of psychopaths but the talk was just talk. It heightened the sexual experience and at times was kind of funny. After a while if two people are saying outrageous things to each other you have to laugh. I miss that kind of passion but it isn't like I didn't know this prior to marriage.

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Well, why did you trade in passion for stability and long term goal planning? Did you want a husband or a financial advisor? Sorry to be so glib; but why did you marry a man you knew you weren't sexually compatible with?

 

If your marriage isn't bad enough to leave, and not enough to fulfill you, then what is it that you want to happen?

 

I think sexual compatibility is linked to emotional compatibility. How is your communication with each other? Do you have an emotionally intimate relationship with your husband or is he emotionally unavailable, aloof, or emotionally detached? Does your husband show you that he cares about your wants, needs, or values? When he and you discuss personal feelings, do you have to read between the lines (basically guess what he's trying to say) or is he straightforward and honest with you?

 

Maybe the root of the sexual incompatibility is in your emotional relationship with each other. Does that make sense at all?

 

We are very open with each other and the lines of communication are great. We've discussed this situation sometimes during fights and sometimes in a calm rational manner. He's my best friend and I love and care about him and enjoy his company. I'm just trying to figure out how to come to terms with this one aspect of our relationship.

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Can you be a bit more specific? How often do you have sex? Is there some variety of different positions, oral? Is he concerned with your orgasm and caring in bed? Has he withdrawn or stopped having sex with you? Is this a drive issue - low sex - or no sex marriage? Or is this purely about him getting more creative and spicy trying BDSM? or what?

 

It's pretty much a no sex marriage at this point. LOL. There was a time where I initiating and we were having sex but then I became a bit resentful. I sort of felt like a pervert and then just stopped initiating. He's always had a low sex drive but it's gotten worse as he's gotten older. He feels bad about it, I feel bad about it. He's tried supplements in the past that worked a little so we are going back to that. I'm picking some up today. I guess I'm just upset that sex has to be so much work. I use to have to fight guys off and now I'm getting sex pills for my husband. What the hell happened??? I mean it's sort of funny but not.

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Unless his lack of passion is due to something like medications or low testosterone - which can be corrected - you are probably out of luck unless he finds some internal motivation to change and make more effort to meet your desires. Unlikely.

 

So, you may have to resign yourself to this situation, which you chose. The only alternative that does not involve cheating is an open marriage, which may introduce a whole other set of issues - or not, depending on how well you can each handle it.

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Unless his lack of passion is due to something like medications or low testosterone - which can be corrected - you are probably out of luck unless he finds some internal motivation to change and make more effort to meet your desires. Unlikely.

 

So, you may have to resign yourself to this situation, which you chose. The only alternative that does not involve cheating is an open marriage, which may introduce a whole other set of issues - or not, depending on how well you can each handle it.

 

Emotionally I couldn't handle an open marriage and my husband gets upset when other men look at me so that's not going to happen. He might have low testosterone but he has a bit of a temper so I don't think increasing his testosterone would work since I don't want to have sex with him when he yells at me. I know this issue isn't huge. It's small and annoying but I'd like to learn to cope better with it. People make compromises when they marry I just want to figure out how not to be resentful for making those compromises.

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If you scratch the surface on this website you will find a huge amount of problems, infidelity, resentment, discussion etc. all because of sexless marriage.

 

The majority are men whose wives no longer want sex with them, but in all cases the reasons and issues behind this happening are the real cause of the problem.

 

Because the problem is about sex there is a tendency to say oh just get over it, put up with it, this is what happens when you've been together a long time. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Why should you have to live in a passionless, sexless marriage? You say you love him but you don't desire him, want him, want to tear his clothes off?Maybe he feels the same about you. You opted for a brother and sister, flat mates, a sweet kiss good night and roll over and go to sleep marriage. But now you are complaining and are getting resentful about it.

 

Should you have an affair? No! Should you go to marriage counselling and try to find out why your marriage life is sexually barren? Yes.

 

I think you should see this as a deal breaker and be a lot less understanding about it. But heh, you married for comfort not for sex so maybe this is the life you chose when you were younger. Doesn't mean you should stick with it though.

 

You should tell your husband you are NOT happy. That unless things change in the bedroom that you'll find someone who will desire you. Tell him you want to go to MC to make your marriage work... or don't and live in a miserable, loveless, sexless marriage.

 

BTW a bit of light BDSM is not 'hitting' each other. Putting your lover over your knee and spanking them is one of the best things in sex. Giving and taking control in a loving relationship is as good as it gets. Go online and read a few blogs and stories.

 

Why are you living a sexless relationship when you don't have to...? Do nothing about this and you WILL get resentful and ultimately you WILL look and find great sex elsewhere.

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Michelle ma Belle
If you scratch the surface on this website you will find a huge amount of problems, infidelity, resentment, discussion etc. all because of sexless marriage.

 

The majority are men whose wives no longer want sex with them, but in all cases the reasons and issues behind this happening are the real cause of the problem.

 

Because the problem is about sex there is a tendency to say oh just get over it, put up with it, this is what happens when you've been together a long time. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Why should you have to live in a passionless, sexless marriage? You say you love him but you don't desire him, want him, want to tear his clothes off?Maybe he feels the same about you. You opted for a brother and sister, flat mates, a sweet kiss good night and roll over and go to sleep marriage. But now you are complaining and are getting resentful about it.

 

Should you have an affair? No! Should you go to marriage counselling and try to find out why your marriage life is sexually barren? Yes.

 

I think you should see this as a deal breaker and be a lot less understanding about it. But heh, you married for comfort not for sex so maybe this is the life you chose when you were younger. Doesn't mean you should stick with it though.

 

You should tell your husband you are NOT happy. That unless things change in the bedroom that you'll find someone who will desire you. Tell him you want to go to MC to make your marriage work... or don't and live in a miserable, loveless, sexless marriage.

 

BTW a bit of light BDSM is not 'hitting' each other. Putting your lover over your knee and spanking them is one of the best things in sex. Giving and taking control in a loving relationship is as good as it gets. Go online and read a few blogs and stories.

 

Why are you living a sexless relationship when you don't have to...? Do nothing about this and you WILL get resentful and ultimately you WILL look and find great sex elsewhere.

 

Amen!

 

I was here so I understand to some extent how you're feeling and all I can tell you is that I'm now divorced.

 

The sexual incompatibility and sexual "issues" which resulted in a sexless marriage for far too many years breaded huge resentment on my part despite how hard I tried to ignore it. I thought I could tow the line and be the good wife but without that kind of intimacy that can only come from sex and sexual fulfillment, I couldn't do it anymore. I was too young and full of life and highly sexual to just lock down my libido because HE didn't value sex the way I did. No thank you.

 

Like you, I loved my husband and he is an incredible man and truly is my best friend BUT sexual compatibility and fulfillment are HUGE and the lack of these are very hard to sweep under the rug, especially when one person makes the decision for the both of you without your consent.

 

I have no answers for you unfortunately. Marriage counselling or specifically a sex therapist would be my recommendation. At the same time, any kind of therapy only works if you're BOTH in it with both feet and willing to do the work. If not, you might as well just light your money on fire. It's a no win situation otherwise.

 

Good luck!

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^^^^ There are a lot of people on here who give good advice (and average and bad advice). But there are a small few posters whose well thought out advice, experience and POV are excellent and always worth the read and MMB is one of those.

 

She could put her shopping list on here and it'd be worth a look.

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Emotionally I couldn't handle an open marriage and my husband gets upset when other men look at me so that's not going to happen. He might have low testosterone but he has a bit of a temper so I don't think increasing his testosterone would work since I don't want to have sex with him when he yells at me. I know this issue isn't huge. It's small and annoying but I'd like to learn to cope better with it. People make compromises when they marry I just want to figure out how not to be resentful for making those compromises.

 

Okay, it seems like the best - and perhaps only - solution is improved coping mechanisms. I would suggest learning meditation. That helped me tremendously during my first, mostly sexless marriage. That, plus finding some passions in the form of hobbies and activities that could channel my energy and attention. For me, those were, photography, hiking, and martial arts.

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If you scratch the surface on this website you will find a huge amount of problems, infidelity, resentment, discussion etc. all because of sexless marriage.

 

The majority are men whose wives no longer want sex with them, but in all cases the reasons and issues behind this happening are the real cause of the problem.

 

Because the problem is about sex there is a tendency to say oh just get over it, put up with it, this is what happens when you've been together a long time. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

 

Why should you have to live in a passionless, sexless marriage? You say you love him but you don't desire him, want him, want to tear his clothes off?Maybe he feels the same about you. You opted for a brother and sister, flat mates, a sweet kiss good night and roll over and go to sleep marriage. But now you are complaining and are getting resentful about it.

 

Should you have an affair? No! Should you go to marriage counselling and try to find out why your marriage life is sexually barren? Yes.

 

I think you should see this as a deal breaker and be a lot less understanding about it. But heh, you married for comfort not for sex so maybe this is the life you chose when you were younger. Doesn't mean you should stick with it though.

 

You should tell your husband you are NOT happy. That unless things change in the bedroom that you'll find someone who will desire you. Tell him you want to go to MC to make your marriage work... or don't and live in a miserable, loveless, sexless marriage.

 

BTW a bit of light BDSM is not 'hitting' each other. Putting your lover over your knee and spanking them is one of the best things in sex. Giving and taking control in a loving relationship is as good as it gets. Go online and read a few blogs and stories.

 

Why are you living a sexless relationship when you don't have to...? Do nothing about this and you WILL get resentful and ultimately you WILL look and find great sex elsewhere.

 

I don't need a MC to tell me why the marriage has little to no sex. I know the reasons. My husband knows them too, and as I said before we've discussed them. This isn't a uncovered mystery just an issue that doesn't seem to have a good solution. I've come up with different ways to deal with my sexual frustrations, hard core gardening, self-release, cleaning, reading, writing, meditation and spiritual development. All of it has helped. This was a brother sister type of marriage and it's what I need but I miss what I want. Eckart Tolle discusses form how the form eventually dissolves. That's important.

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Amen!

 

I was here so I understand to some extent how you're feeling and all I can tell you is that I'm now divorced.

 

The sexual incompatibility and sexual "issues" which resulted in a sexless marriage for far too many years breaded huge resentment on my part despite how hard I tried to ignore it. I thought I could tow the line and be the good wife but without that kind of intimacy that can only come from sex and sexual fulfillment, I couldn't do it anymore. I was too young and full of life and highly sexual to just lock down my libido because HE didn't value sex the way I did. No thank you.

 

Like you, I loved my husband and he is an incredible man and truly is my best friend BUT sexual compatibility and fulfillment are HUGE and the lack of these are very hard to sweep under the rug, especially when one person makes the decision for the both of you without your consent.

 

I have no answers for you unfortunately. Marriage counselling or specifically a sex therapist would be my recommendation. At the same time, any kind of therapy only works if you're BOTH in it with both feet and willing to do the work. If not, you might as well just light your money on fire. It's a no win situation otherwise.

 

Good luck!

 

I commend you on divorcing and moving toward a more compatible relationship. That takes guts. I struggle with depression and anxiety so a divorce wouldn't be right for me. My relationship is what it is. Even if I go and buy my husband some supplements today and we have sex this weekend it still won't be what I miss but it will help. Any sex with my husband will help; my body does crave that type of closeness. I just don't want to be one of those angry women who complain about their good, nice husbands who love them. I want to be a good wife and feel guilty about even writing this post.

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Okay, it seems like the best - and perhaps only - solution is improved coping mechanisms. I would suggest learning meditation. That helped me tremendously during my first, mostly sexless marriage. That, plus finding some passions in the form of hobbies and activities that could channel my energy and attention. For me, those were, photography, hiking, and martial arts.

 

That's so funny you said that because I just responded to another post with my: How to Deal with Sexual Frustration To Do List.

 

Mediation works, spending time in nature works because I'm truly in awe of the color of clouds, the spread of a butterflies wings and the sweet sounds of birds. I love to garden and since I've left my job I'm able to spend about four hours a day working on the garden. I work my body hard till I just about pass out and I'm so sore I can hardly move. I'm also working on a book which I DON'T want to publish. I just want to finish writing it.

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Eckart Tolle discusses form how the form eventually dissolves.

 

Eckart Tolle can say what he likes, he's getting the sex he wants and you're not.

 

There is no solution to the question you've asked which is:

My husband can't/won't give me the sex life I need. But I won't leave, won't have MC, won't have an affair and won't do anything to change the situation with the exception of a bit of gardening and trying not to think about it.

What should I do?

 

All the gardening and self help books in the world will not stop those desires ripping through you. You are a sexual animal with specific sexual needs and you are not meeting them and it is and will drive you crazy for many, many years to come.

 

You will come to resent your husband and it will make you bitter and angry.

 

I'm sorry. I am not being flippant or cruel, but that is the way it is. If you were gay and married everyone would think you mad for staying in this marriage. You shouldn't have to put up with this but you choose to.

 

MC btw is not about knowing what the problem is but helping find a solution to it. Maybe your H has deep desires he can't or won't share. Put a key logger on the computer and find out what sites he visits, you may discover his sexual desires and can help him fulfill them.

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Michelle ma Belle
I commend you on divorcing and moving toward a more compatible relationship. That takes guts. I struggle with depression and anxiety so a divorce wouldn't be right for me. My relationship is what it is. Even if I go and buy my husband some supplements today and we have sex this weekend it still won't be what I miss but it will help. Any sex with my husband will help; my body does crave that type of closeness. I just don't want to be one of those angry women who complain about their good, nice husbands who love them. I want to be a good wife and feel guilty about even writing this post.

 

I recommend that you read some of my other posts regarding my marriage. I know what it feels like to struggle and experience depression and anxiety and feel like there is no way out of this. Trust me, I know. It didn't help matters knowing that "divorce" wasn't exactly something that was celebrated in my deeply Catholic Italian/French heritage. Never mind them knowing that S.E.X. was the main catalyst for it. :o Dio mio.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! You are very brave to not only recognize your issues but be vulnerable enough to seek help even if it's just on LS for now. That takes a lot of guts my friend.

 

And I'm NOT trying to convince you to leave your husband. I value the sanctity of marriage and understand that divorce isn't the answer for everyone. All I'm saying is that I've been there and that living out the rest of your life aching for something more is a VERY painful and sad existence. If you think you're depressed now, continuing the status quo will only exasperate things to the point where you will look in the mirror one day and see only a shell of the woman you once were.

 

Don't let that happen. You say you have a good relationship with your hubby and that you are open with each other so TELL him how you feel and SEEK THERAPY. Honestly, you won't be able to change this without some serious professional support.

 

This relationship has two people in it after all. Your needs are just as important as his. Don't you EVER forget that.

 

Hugs to you.

Edited by Michelle ma Belle
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Eckart Tolle can say what he likes, he's getting the sex he wants and you're not.

 

There is no solution to the question you've asked which is:

My husband can't/won't give me the sex life I need. But I won't leave, won't have MC, won't have an affair and won't do anything to change the situation with the exception of a bit of gardening and trying not to think about it.

What should I do?

 

All the gardening and self help books in the world will not stop those desires ripping through you. You are a sexual animal with specific sexual needs and you are not meeting them and it is and will drive you crazy for many, many years to come.

 

You will come to resent your husband and it will make you bitter and angry.

 

I'm sorry. I am not being flippant or cruel, but that is the way it is. If you were gay and married everyone would think you mad for staying in this marriage. You shouldn't have to put up with this but you choose to.

 

MC btw is not about knowing what the problem is but helping find a solution to it. Maybe your H has deep desires he can't or won't share. Put a key logger on the computer and find out what sites he visits, you may discover his sexual desires and can help him fulfill them.

 

The Eckart Tolle comment was a riot but I doubt you're aware if he's being satisfied or not. Unless in real life you're his wife Kim and then I stand corrected.

 

I'm not knocking marriage counseling and it might be a good idea down the line. Right now my husband works a lot, he's tired and he really likes just kicking back and watching movies. I know the websites he visits - he really likes cars and trucks. I'm very open sexually and I'm the kind of wife who likes to hear all kinds of wild and depraved sexual fantasies and disclose my own. Not all men are alike. You might be the kind of guy who loves kinky spontaneous sex and can get excited by a pair of four inch pumps. I know my husband. He's very....clean. He likes things in a specific sanitized manner and well...that's the way he is. I'm different. I was able to backpack through Europe for four months and sleep on trains and crowed youth hostels. My husband is not that kind of guy which in a way I think is cute but obviously has its drawbacks.

 

I can't change him. Maybe I can change myself. IDK.

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I recommend that you read some of my other posts regarding my marriage. I know what it feels like to struggle and experience depression and anxiety and feel like there is no way out of this. Trust me, I know. It didn't help matters knowing that "divorce" wasn't exactly something that was celebrated in my deeply Catholic Italian/French heritage. Never mind them knowing that S.E.X. was the main catalyst for it. :o Dio mio.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty at all! You are very brave to not only recognize your issues but be vulnerable enough to seek help even if it's just on LS for now. That takes a lot of guts my friend.

 

And I'm NOT trying to convince you to leave your husband. I value the sanctity of marriage and understand that divorce isn't the answer for everyone. All I'm saying is that I've been there and that living out the rest of your life aching for something more is a VERY painful and sad existence. If you think you're depressed now, continuing the status quo will only exasperate things to the point where you will look in the mirror one day and see only a shell of the woman you once were.

 

Don't let that happen. You say you have a good relationship with your hubby and that you are open with each other so TELL him how you feel and SEEK THERAPY. Honestly, you won't be able to change this without some serious professional support.

 

This relationship has two people in it after all. Your needs are just as important as his. Don't you EVER forget that.

 

Hugs to you.

 

Thank you so much for taking so much time and care in your answers. I will keep MC in mind. I don't want to be a shell of a woman but here are the facts. I'm in my 40's now in ten years I'll probably go through menopause and won't have the same sexually appetite as I do now. So all I need to do is to come up with lots of things to distract me until then. I've got Brookstone and lots of batteries so no boyfriend is needed. :cool:

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Assuming there are no underlying medical conditions, no drugs, no hormonal imbalances and assuming he is not getting it elsewhere or masturbating to porn all the time - he just needs to nut-up and be more assertive and flirty and proactive with you sexually.

 

In the on internet manosphere this is called getting more alpha. He just needs to bump up his game and not be a slug in front of the tv at night.

 

The real catch here is getting him to understand that and to put in the effort. Unfortunately for a lot of guys, they don't get it untill their wife gets it on with some other dude, she packs her bags and leaves or he realizes that she has checked out and they haven't had sex for six months and he's getting whiney that she's not the porn star in bed any more.

 

Make no mistake, this IS a serious situation! You are very vulnerable right now. You may talk a good game and sound like the good dutiful wife saying she won't cheat.....but It's easy to say you don't want to cheat when there isn't a tall, handsome, buff, successful man stroking your hair and telling you how much he admires you at that exact moment. People change their tunes on a dime when that does happen.

 

I would suggest getting him the book , "the Married Man Sexlife Primer" by Athol Kay and explaining that you are fundamentally happy with him and your marriage but that you need a little more passion and excitement to keep things on your toes and not build up any resentments or bitterness.

 

If he isnt "get' n it" it's fair game to be upfront that images of getting with others and other people catching your eye are starting to occur. If that doesn't light a little fire under his butt then you'll know that you do have real issues on your hands.

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Some good advise and I am sorry as a sexless marriage is a marriage missing one of its pillars.

 

Right now you seem to be in the early stages of it growing as you have been there done that in terms of communication and you and H know there is an issue. You also seem hesitant to MC, i don't disagree with you on that.

 

 

So at home remedies.

 

So what have you done to resolve it other than talk? Maybe buy some toys, if he cannot get his equipment working, he can certainly use the DC powered variety and please you that way.

 

Try it in the beginning, it will be odd because it will be different for him and you will also eventually want him to enjoy it as well which is the key here. He may or may not, but at least it is an attempt letting him off the hook of trying to "preform" with his own equipment if he is not into it or for any other reasons like ED and etc.

 

I mean he must enjoy doing other things with you or at least i hope so. Like these nature walks you speak of.

 

If all else fails, you need to escalate demands and not think of it being selfish like having him see a doc, maybe there is a little depression or something entirely different and nothing that the blue pill wont solve.

 

Try introducing watching porn together... again it will be really odd but wade through it, give it a 100% shot (when anything you try) even if he squirms.

 

hope this helps

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