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Couples who don't want to ever get married but are in LTRs


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Some people have married and divorced, and say they won't get married again. Yet, they are in wonderful LTRs. Will they just live together for the rest of their lives if they are both happy? 15 years go by and they are still in bliss. 20 years go by and still the same. 30 years!

 

"This is my girlfriend/boyfriend of 30 years" will sound odd!

 

How do they explain their relationship to little grandchildren: "We love each other so much that we decided not to get married!" ? :)

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leavesonautumn

I've known a few couples who have been together for decades but never got married. They will actually just call each other husband and wife to avoid any judgement/confusion.

 

Love and commitment does not require marriage. Personally, the idea of "getting married" doesn't appeal to me but being in a relationship does. However, I can appreciate the fact that people do want to get married and don't judge them for it even though I find it to be an outdated tradition.

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First of all I doubt they'd describe themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend. They'd probably say partner or significant other or something.

 

Second of all, if a grandkid grows up around gma and gpa not being married, it's normal to them, I doubt they'd question it. If they did, I'm sure the people involved could just explain their reasoning (whatever it is). Why would it be an issue?

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In all honesty, marriage is a little odd.

 

"I have fallen in love with you. I want to keep you around, so I am going to get the Government involved, so you can't go anywhere. If you ever want to leave, you will have to give me half your ****. I love you though."

 

I think it is nice when couples can stay together that long and not concern themselves with marriage. If neither party is going anywhere, why rush, or even do it to begin with?

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Some people have married and divorced, and say they won't get married again. Yet, they are in wonderful LTRs. Will they just live together for the rest of their lives if they are both happy? 15 years go by and they are still in bliss. 20 years go by and still the same. 30 years!

 

"This is my girlfriend/boyfriend of 30 years" will sound odd!

I find people of senior years rarely use the term. it's usually partner. Some people will refer to their partners as a spouse, even though they're not married.

It's perfectly normal.

 

How do they explain their relationship to little grandchildren: "We love each other so much that we decided not to get married!" ? :)

Why should they need to explain anything?

What's to justify?

I think it's better.

"Look, we don't have a stupid bit of paper unifying us legally, but we're still together, and that's because we want to be, not because we HAVE to be."

 

Marriage is an outdated institution. It's nice if that's what you want to do, but it's completely unnecessary in this day and age.

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First of all I doubt they'd describe themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend. They'd probably say partner or significant other or something.

 

Second of all, if a grandkid grows up around gma and gpa not being married, it's normal to them, I doubt they'd question it. If they did, I'm sure the people involved could just explain their reasoning (whatever it is). Why would it be an issue?

 

Totally agree based on personal experience. I actually only found out as an adult and many years after my grandparents died that they were not married. There may not have been a marriage certificate around but there was no doubting their love and commitment :love:

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My dad said to me once that he never wanted to get married again after my mom. They divorced when I was about 5. However, he decided to "marry" someone 20 years younger than him when I was 17 to "help her out" meaning get her citizenship and daughter here. Never understood why he won't marry for love, but will marry for convenience. :confused:

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I've known a few couples who have been together for decades but never got married. They will actually just call each other husband and wife to avoid any judgement/confusion.

 

Love and commitment does not require marriage. Personally, the idea of "getting married" doesn't appeal to me but being in a relationship does. However, I can appreciate the fact that people do want to get married and don't judge them for it even though I find it to be an outdated tradition.

 

I tried really getting excited about getting married after my ex. I dont think I have any ill feelings towards great men, but I know that even with the greatest of people, things dont always last. I was at one point in my life. Now, at 30, with everything I have gone through, both marriage and children, are not nearly as important as they once were. At 25, if you asked me the same question, I would have died if I didnt get married and have children. Lol. I had also never lived alone before I was cheated on by my ex. I did not even know what I was missing! I would have married him and never known what THIS was like.

 

I absolutely love having a partner in my life, I enjoy waking up on weekends to having him around, and some nights throughout the week when possible. I love doing dinners, and going on hikes and really love just having someone in my life to do things with. I want my partner to be a lover and a friend. I have experienced it, and I want nothing less. :) I like sitting in my underwear playing video games with my cat though too. I like reading in silence, on my couch, with no tv, no computers, no noise... Just reading and listening to birds, and every now and then looking up and seeing bunnies and ground hogs run past my window. I am not big on noise, and find myself quite the introverty nerd a lot of the time. :D I love my alone time. I love that I live alone. I love that I have my own place to get away from everyone. Its the safest place I know. Its all mine.

 

Can I say I don't want marriage or children? No, not exactly. I am not as excited as I once was. The planning, the doing, the ugh, the everything. I want to elope. I called off my wedding 3 months to the day, because I found out of my ex's affair. After 6 months of dating someone, it isnt going to change my mind about marriage or children. I just simply dont want it as badly as I used to.

 

Do I want someone in my life? Yes, yes, yes, and more yes. Do I need someone in my life? Probably. Lol. I dont do lonely well. I do alone just fine.

 

I have always wanted those things, so it feels weird for me to admit to not feeling as strongly as I once did. The things that mattered at 20, do not matter to me at 30! Lol. I am not sure I will ever get married. I am also not trying too hard! Do I love and care for the man in my life? Yes. I want to keep loving and caring for him. It doesnt mean I am pushing marriage.

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Bruce Leigh

My auntie did want to get married and have kids but she is unable to have children.

It only occurred to me a few months ago that i had never attended their wedding. Doh!!

So her and her partner agreed to not get married at all.

Yet they have been together and happy for over 30 years.

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lucy_in_disguise

Those questions you listed, in my opinion, are odd considerations to choose I focus on when debating marriage. The need to dispel preconceived notions others may have about your relationship is not high on my list of considerations when evaluating marriage.

 

I'm not sure I want to marry, but not for the reasons typically cited. I absolutely want the lifelong commitment, but see benefits to remaining separate legal entires for business purposes. Not in the event of divorce, but to avoid conflict f interest issues that may result from certain business transactions. It seems useful to have a separate legal/ tax entity to share wth someone- like having a twin who can sit in for u in a class.

 

Ideally, I'd have a wedding to symbolize our commitment to each other and a series of contracts to stand for some of the desirable benefits a marriage license represents.

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Why should they need to explain anything?

What's to justify?

I think it's better.

"Look, we don't have a stupid bit of paper unifying us legally, but we're still together, and that's because we want to be, not because we HAVE to be."

 

Marriage is an outdated institution. It's nice if that's what you want to do, but it's completely unnecessary in this day and age.

Kids ask lots of questions. Probably not age appropriate to explain it this way to a young grandchild.

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Kids ask lots of questions. Probably not age appropriate to explain it this way to a young grandchild.

 

A young grandchild won't be asking, What possible reason could they have to ask? Why would they?

They won't care.... And by the time they're old enough to ask.... guess what?

They won't care.

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Kids ask lots of questions. Probably not age appropriate to explain it this way to a young grandchild.

 

 

You don't ever need to explain your relationship to anyone, be it a stranger or your grandchild.

 

 

You love each other. End of discussion.

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Michelle ma Belle

Yeah, I think I've become one of those people.

 

Did the whole big white wedding, picket fence, family, you know what I'm talking about. I did it the "right" way before God and family but the happily-ever-after I thought I was getting didn't turn out to be very happily-ever-after after all.

 

Just like DaisyDook, although marriage doesn't necessarily appeal to me anymore, that doesn't mean I don't believe in commitment and monogamy or LTR because I do, VERY much. And it also doesn't mean that I hate marriage or begrudge anyone who chooses it because I don't.

 

I MAY change my mind down the road about getting married again but for right now, it's a non-issue. And when I introduce my man to people, I introduce him as my partner or if I'm feeling really cheeky, my better half ;)

 

To each their own. At the end of the day it's about love and commitment and being happy. That's all the matters in the end.

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Judge not lest ye be judged.

 

It's a fairly common phenomenon here - not as common as marriage, but common enough that people don't bat an eye. If they are living together long-term, it's called a de facto relationship, and does in fact involve mostly the same legal liabilities/benefits as marriage according to the laws here. People who do that, call their gf/bf a partner or SO.

 

I've read of (and know) a few couples who are raising kids and grandkids within this framework. Their kids/grandkids are fine. There are far more important elements to successfully raising a happy, healthy child, than whether their parents are married (or hetero).

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There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

 

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

 

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.

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There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

 

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

 

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.

This is pretty much the only reason women want to get married -- just so they don't get judged for being in long-term non-marriages. Suppose the woman doesn't ever want to get married, despite the man being willing to right away?
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There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

 

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

 

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.

 

You do realize that this thread is about couples who choose to stay in LTRs without marriage, right? Not about incompatible/mismatched desires?

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2.50 a gallon

After my divorce, I swore that I would never love much less marry again. I lasted for over a dozen years. We have now been together for coming upon 19 years. She is like me, never wanting to marry again. We have talked about it, and both agree it is too much of a hassle and very expensive to get a divorce. And we are never going to have kids, so why bother.

Actually, I think by not marrying, we both work harder at our relationship, neither of us takes the other for granted, as either one of us can walk out the door at anytime.

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A young grandchild won't be asking, What possible reason could they have to ask?

The kids in my life certainly ask!

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How old are they? How do they know you're not married? What difference does it make to them? Why would they ask?

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How do they know you're not married? What difference does it make to them? Why would they ask?

Kids I know are are perceptive. And they don't have a 'filter.' They ask the questions adults are privately wondering!

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That doesn't answer my question. If the kids around you are asking those questions, they've been indoctrinated to believe marriage is good/the norm, and 'living' together is bad/peculiar.

Or why would they even bother to want to know?

Believe me, I am surrounded by kids and I've never had the awkward probing questions about any relationship I'm in.

Why my boobs are so big, yes. Why I limp, yes. Why my hair is a different colour to the way it was yesterday? sure. Whether I'm married or not? No.

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One would hope that kids do ask questions if it crosses their mind. If my future grand kids asked about various lifestyles then not sure what the issue is.

 

Thank heavens there is no longer anything to hide about gays, inter racial relationships, common law couples. There is actually a good chance each of us had a grandparent, great grand parent that we 'assumed' was married...but wasn't.

 

These things have been going ion for centuries. Children should be raised with the ability to accept others.

 

Anyways, largely irrelevent as the majority of adults living together in some western nations are not married. Even in the USA fewer young people have marriage on their life agenda.

 

This, apparently is "The Issue" Though why it should be, in this day and age, only the OP knows.

 

Some people have married and divorced, and say they won't get married again. Yet, they are in wonderful LTRs. Will they just live together for the rest of their lives if they are both happy? 15 years go by and they are still in bliss. 20 years go by and still the same. 30 years!

 

"This is my girlfriend/boyfriend of 30 years" will sound odd!

 

How do they explain their relationship to little grandchildren: "We love each other so much that we decided not to get married!" ? :)

Everyone else considers it to be perfectly acceptable and the norm. The OP seems to think it would be a topic for embarrassment.

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The kids in my life certainly ask!

 

But so what if they ask? Is there something wrong with just giving them the reason? Even if it's just "we haven't felt like it yet". I mean who cares? Would you be worried about what some 7 year is gonna think about you lol

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