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Couples who don't want to ever get married but are in LTRs


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 20th July 2014, 1:34 AM   #16
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There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.
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Old 20th July 2014, 1:57 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Clockwork View Post
There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.
This is pretty much the only reason women want to get married -- just so they don't get judged for being in long-term non-marriages. Suppose the woman doesn't ever want to get married, despite the man being willing to right away?
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Old 20th July 2014, 4:47 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Clockwork View Post
There's two ways of looking at this. I got engaged after 13 months and married 6 months after that. Still going strong 6 years later. I didn't waste any time.

My thought is this. If a man wants to marry his girlfriend he'll do it. He'll ask her. Simple as that. My wife was a great girlfriend and I wanted to prove my commitment to her. I didn't need more time. So my thought is that if a guy is with a girl for 10 years and hasn't married her, it's because he doesn't want to. Sorry ladies, he would have by now.

On the flip side no one should ever be forced into marriage. If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't. Too many people walk down the aisle for the wrong reasons as it is.
You do realize that this thread is about couples who choose to stay in LTRs without marriage, right? Not about incompatible/mismatched desires?
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Old 20th July 2014, 10:09 AM   #19
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After my divorce, I swore that I would never love much less marry again. I lasted for over a dozen years. We have now been together for coming upon 19 years. She is like me, never wanting to marry again. We have talked about it, and both agree it is too much of a hassle and very expensive to get a divorce. And we are never going to have kids, so why bother.
Actually, I think by not marrying, we both work harder at our relationship, neither of us takes the other for granted, as either one of us can walk out the door at anytime.
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Old 20th July 2014, 11:48 AM   #20
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A young grandchild won't be asking, What possible reason could they have to ask?
The kids in my life certainly ask!
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Old 20th July 2014, 12:06 PM   #21
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How old are they? How do they know you're not married? What difference does it make to them? Why would they ask?
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Old 20th July 2014, 12:29 PM   #22
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How do they know you're not married? What difference does it make to them? Why would they ask?
Kids I know are are perceptive. And they don't have a 'filter.' They ask the questions adults are privately wondering!
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Old 20th July 2014, 12:54 PM   #23
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That doesn't answer my question. If the kids around you are asking those questions, they've been indoctrinated to believe marriage is good/the norm, and 'living' together is bad/peculiar.
Or why would they even bother to want to know?
Believe me, I am surrounded by kids and I've never had the awkward probing questions about any relationship I'm in.
Why my boobs are so big, yes. Why I limp, yes. Why my hair is a different colour to the way it was yesterday? sure. Whether I'm married or not? No.
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Old 20th July 2014, 1:36 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Eau Claire View Post
One would hope that kids do ask questions if it crosses their mind. If my future grand kids asked about various lifestyles then not sure what the issue is.

Thank heavens there is no longer anything to hide about gays, inter racial relationships, common law couples. There is actually a good chance each of us had a grandparent, great grand parent that we 'assumed' was married...but wasn't.

These things have been going ion for centuries. Children should be raised with the ability to accept others.

Anyways, largely irrelevent as the majority of adults living together in some western nations are not married. Even in the USA fewer young people have marriage on their life agenda.
This, apparently is "The Issue" Though why it should be, in this day and age, only the OP knows.

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Some people have married and divorced, and say they won't get married again. Yet, they are in wonderful LTRs. Will they just live together for the rest of their lives if they are both happy? 15 years go by and they are still in bliss. 20 years go by and still the same. 30 years!

"This is my girlfriend/boyfriend of 30 years" will sound odd!

How do they explain their relationship to little grandchildren: "We love each other so much that we decided not to get married!" ?
Everyone else considers it to be perfectly acceptable and the norm. The OP seems to think it would be a topic for embarrassment.
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Old 20th July 2014, 3:56 PM   #25
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The kids in my life certainly ask!
But so what if they ask? Is there something wrong with just giving them the reason? Even if it's just "we haven't felt like it yet". I mean who cares? Would you be worried about what some 7 year is gonna think about you lol
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Old 20th July 2014, 10:38 PM   #26
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This is pretty much the only reason women want to get married -- just so they don't get judged for being in long-term non-marriages. Suppose the woman doesn't ever want to get married, despite the man being willing to right away?
Yes. That is exactly my predicament. Lol. I do not want to get married but my boyfriend does. I am a 30 year old female who does not want to get married to my 35 year old boyfriend. I certainly have no interest in doing so and I am definitely in no rush, if I were to want that. I dont want that at all right now, for sure. He wanted to move in together. I said no. I moved closer, so I am much closer to both of our jobs now, which is really nice. I compromised. Lol. I guess I am just not willing to give someone my entire life yet, really like my alone time, and have made my way back onto my feet. I have no interest in ruining any of what I just said, for a man who I have only been seeing for 6 months. I dont care how awesome you are in bed, or how much money you have, or how wonderful you are to me. It wouldnt change my mind. I like my own space and my own things and it is of no interest to me to get married
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Old 20th July 2014, 11:32 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Tbisb74 View Post
The OP seems to think it would be a topic for embarrassment.
Wrong. Never stated that directly or indirectly.


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Would you be worried about what some 7 year is gonna think about you lol
Not some 7 year old; A grandchild.

Last edited by Col1; 20th July 2014 at 11:34 PM..
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Old 21st July 2014, 5:36 AM   #28
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Wrong. Never stated that directly or indirectly.

.....

Not some 7 year old; A grandchild.
The implication here is that you would be embarrassed to reveal it to your grandchild.
So, actually, whether you think you implied it or not - that's how it comes over.
And I'm obviously not the only one to think so....
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Old 21st July 2014, 5:43 AM   #29
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Some people have married and divorced, and say they won't get married again. Yet, they are in wonderful LTRs. Will they just live together for the rest of their lives if they are both happy? 15 years go by and they are still in bliss. 20 years go by and still the same. 30 years!

"This is my girlfriend/boyfriend of 30 years" will sound odd!

How do they explain their relationship to little grandchildren: "We love each other so much that we decided not to get married!" ?
I doubt I would use the word 'boyfriend'. I would say 'partner'.

Once you have been through the ringmill you realise that the piece of paper guarantees you nothing, except misery when you are trying to untangle your finances through the expensive divorce courts.

Now I want someone to be with me because they want to, not because it's hard and expensive for them to leave.

It's unlikely that I'll have grandchildren, but if I did, I'd hope they wouldn't grow up to be so narrow minded
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Old 21st July 2014, 10:01 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by Tbisb74 View Post
The implication here is that you would be embarrassed to reveal it to your grandchild.
So, actually, whether you think you implied it or not - that's how it comes over.
And I'm obviously not the only one to think so....
Once again, you are incorrect.
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