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Why do people even get married if they cant handle the fact that bodies change?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 3rd August 2014, 12:03 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Madman81 View Post
This is only true up to a point.

Attraction isn't a choice. We can pretend it should be unconditional, but it just isn't. And it encompasses a bunch of things that initially made each of us want to be with the person we're with. Physical appearance is one of the major components.

In my view, people in a relationship have a general responsibility to take reasonable but solid steps to keep attractive for the benefit of their partner, in order to keep that attraction alive. That doesn't mean, e.g., that a person should look like a 25-year-old underwear model when they're 50. Nor does it mean that a person entering a relationship with somebody is entitled to expect them to "change" into somebody they're attracted to. But it does connote, I think, a responsibility to keep reasonably fit and active, to keep one's weight in check, to eat reasonably healthily, to practice good hygiene, to keep up with grooming, and to generally wear clean clothes.

Excessive weight gain strikes nerves repeatedly, though it probably shouldn't in the absence of a severe, documented medical problem. Imagine a scenario in which a person's partner hasn't gained weight, but they've stopped bathing, stopped brushing their teeth, and wear mostly dirty stained clothes. Would anybody here fault the person for their diminished attraction to their partner? Of course not. Weight -- again in the absence of a medical condition -- is no different, or at least it shouldn't be.

As somebody who really should lose 30 lbs and who has been at least somewhat overweight for much of his life, I know intellectually that, in the absence of a severe medical problem, it's pretty simple math: calories in vs. calories out. If "calories in" is consistently higher than "calories out", you'll gain fat. If you want to eat a large volume of food, you'll pack on fat if the food is pizza, but you probably won't if the food is light on calories but nutrient dense, i.e. VEGETABLES. If you drink alcohol excessively while eating a balanced amount of food, you will gain fat. And every little nibble of food counts towards "calories in" -- not just the actual meals you eat.

Naturally it's much harder to put into practice than to talk about it. I'm as guilty of that as anybody. But while fat shaming is unacceptable, it's artificial and unreasonable to treat weight gain as "untouchable" as a component of diminished attraction, while treating things like decreased hygiene, dirty clothes, laziness, lack of grooming etc. as valid targets for criticism.

Now, I also believe that a person has a responsibility to at least set a good example, to get exercise themselves, to buy and cook healthy meals, and to attend to their own grooming and appearance. Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander.
Thanks. I like this answer. I still have many thoughts but I realised all relationships and situations and people are different (no matter how similar :P) and you can never compare two. I guess.. Anyway. Probably why I will never want to get married. Just too much hassle.
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Old 3rd August 2014, 9:01 PM   #32
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I have never seen a couple IRL divorce over looks. I know quite a few couples were one or the other has let their looks go and they still seem happy together. But I do know exessive weight gain or a masectomy or a disfiguration can do havoc on one's self esteem. And I think sometimes the person whose looks changed hate it in themselves and will project that feeling onto ther spouse.
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