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Husband uses me as one of his many excuses to his boss for not going to work!


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Old 19th July 2014, 12:55 PM   #46
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I CAN leave but I won't. I will continue on as is always hoping something will change. I realize that ranting does absolutely nothing but it feels good to get it out of my system.
If you won't fix this, what help can we offer you in a forum like this?

You won't hold him accountable. You make excuses for him. There's no consequences to what he's doing. You run around behind him and fix everything.

A better question would be "Why should he go to work?" He's got a pretty sweet set up ...

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Old 21st July 2014, 8:17 AM   #47
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If you won't fix this, what help can we offer you in a forum like this?

You won't hold him accountable. You make excuses for him. There's no consequences to what he's doing. You run around behind him and fix everything.

A better question would be "Why should he go to work?" He's got a pretty sweet set up ...

Mr. Lucky
You know, I'm not expecting anything to come from my posts. I just want to put those out there so everyone can see how much ridiculous BS he comes up with and gets away with. Not just with me, but with everyone else around him. To get some kind of validation from everyone that this isn't a normal thing and try and understand how he can continue to get away with this with everyone around him. Me letting him get away with it is one thing but everyone else allowing it too is unbelievable!


This is just what happened since last Thursday. Found this out from reading his texts when he wasn't around. After not being at work for 7 days straight, he sends a message to his manager on Thursday afternoon around 2PM saying that he will report for duty tomorrow after stopping by medical at work and doctor has him on light duty for 2 weeks. Friday he goes to medical at 5AM (I thought he was once again pulling the crap of leaving for work but then just going to have breakfast somewhere until I left for work and then coming home) and at 5:45 sends a message to his manager saying "Oh just reread text from yesterday. Was going to come in after 8AM doctor appt and report to medical but then figured I should do that before my appt. Sorry I wasn't clear in previous text. Am at medical now." Wasn't CLEAR??!! You said NOTHING about a doctor's appt! And funny how he ALWAYS manages to get that fake 8AM appt every time! Manager texts him at about 7AM saying that if he is close by then to stop at his desk and "glad to have him back"! Really?? you are glad to have him back??? H stops by his desk and apparently they go over some days that he was out and H says that manager is trying to find some way to find fault in what he did and saying he didn't have it covered. Well duh! How the hell does he remember what excuse was used for what day? Then there's a text to manager at about 8:30 that is absolutely absurd! It says "In my haste to get here (doctor's office) I went to the wrong place. They will still see me but now am on standby and it may be a few hours. I may need an MRI. I'll just take off with sick time today and be in on Monday". OH MY GOD! How can he keep his lies straight?! He was right there at work and still left after being there for 2 hours and that was just for medical!

I realize that I don't confront him on this stuff and let him get away with a lot. Doesn't matter if I told him what I knew anyways because he would find a way to throw it back on me and make it look like I am the one at fault. But to see that his doctor continually lets him get out of work. Even H says "Oh doctor knows what's up. He just wants to do what I want". Then his boss letting him get away with obvious BS reasons as to why he can't be at work. H tells me that after this 2 week light duty he's going to go back to the doctor and tell him that his knee still hurts and needs to be on light duty for at least another month. He says he's got this whole plan worked out. Says the manager in this new area he'll be working in really loves him so he's going to try and get in with him and get transferred there. But then he told someone else the day before that he's trying to get on the crane crew. But then told someone else the day before that he wants to leave his job altogether and go work on the ferries. What DO you want?? The doctor told him that if his knee isn't better after keeping off of it for 2 weeks that he may need an MRI to see if the ACL is torn and if that's the case then he'd need surgery. I tell H that he IS going to get an MRI if things don't get better right? He goes "I don't have to get one. It's my choice." Really? So you want to continue with knee pain so you can continually get a light duty note from your doctor rather than fix it? And my guess is the doctor will continue to give him these notes as long as H wants him to.
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Old 21st July 2014, 11:52 AM   #48
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It looks like it's slowly starting to catch up with him. How old are you two I must ask? I think most of us here are wondering why you willingly put up with this crap as you wonder why everyone else does. He'll soon enough be caught in his lie and what will you do when he is no longer working and mooching off of you?
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Old 21st July 2014, 12:42 PM   #49
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It looks like it's slowly starting to catch up with him. How old are you two I must ask? I think most of us here are wondering why you willingly put up with this crap as you wonder why everyone else does. He'll soon enough be caught in his lie and what will you do when he is no longer working and mooching off of you?
It's embarrassing to tell you his age because he sounds like he's 18! He is 46 and I am 42. You are right. If I saw anyone else going through this I'd say "Why the hell are you putting up with his crap?" I see it as it as there's always hope but I know there isn't at this point. I think he will always be employed somewhere (he has to for child support payments and insuring his daughter for medical and dental) but whether he will be at one he goes to full time is another story.

I have had a few Friday's where I call into work for a long weekend and say that I came down with something overnight or my car is running and I feel SO bad about lying. The next Monday I come into work everyone is so concerned with how I'm feeling or what the car issue was. To do that once every 4 or 5 months for me is bad so I just cannot imagine how H can lie day after day with excuses that are getting more and more absurd!
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Old 21st July 2014, 2:02 PM   #50
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It's embarrassing to tell you his age because he sounds like he's 18! He is 46 and I am 42. You are right. If I saw anyone else going through this I'd say "Why the hell are you putting up with his crap?" I see it as it as there's always hope but I know there isn't at this point. I think he will always be employed somewhere (he has to for child support payments and insuring his daughter for medical and dental) but whether he will be at one he goes to full time is another story.

I have had a few Friday's where I call into work for a long weekend and say that I came down with something overnight or my car is running and I feel SO bad about lying. The next Monday I come into work everyone is so concerned with how I'm feeling or what the car issue was. To do that once every 4 or 5 months for me is bad so I just cannot imagine how H can lie day after day with excuses that are getting more and more absurd!
He may be required to make child support payments, but if he were to lose this job...the economy isn't what it used to be. Jobs, especially ones that pay THAT well are hard to come by and I doubt your H would make it through probation anywhere else at the rate he is going.
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Old 21st July 2014, 2:17 PM   #51
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He may be required to make child support payments, but if he were to lose this job...the economy isn't what it used to be. Jobs, especially ones that pay THAT well are hard to come by and I doubt your H would make it through probation anywhere else at the rate he is going.
Oh I agree 100%! There's no way he'd find a job that pays as well as he has now. He only has a high school education (GED in fact) and I have a 4-yr college degree and he is making over $12/hr than I am! He tried taking some college courses about 5 or 6 years ago and didn't do well. He has no patience for school but yet keeps saying he wants to better himself.
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Old 21st July 2014, 2:25 PM   #52
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Oh I agree 100%! There's no way he'd find a job that pays as well as he has now. He only has a high school education (GED in fact) and I have a 4-yr college degree and he is making over $12/hr than I am! He tried taking some college courses about 5 or 6 years ago and didn't do well. He has no patience for school but yet keeps saying he wants to better himself.
So my question remains. What will you do if he loses his job? Will you support him?
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Old 21st July 2014, 2:26 PM   #53
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So my question remains. What will you do if he loses his job? Will you support him?
Yes I will support him. That's pretty much what I do now. Things wouldn't change much!
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Old 28th July 2014, 3:58 PM   #54
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Well, if you don't want to do anything to make your life better, then you should work on just accepting your husband the way he is, and accepting that you are signed up for a lifetime of being the main breadwinner and the only responsible one.

Looking up his emails and texts and Facebook activity just to confirm what you already know - that he is a lazy liar - isn't doing you any favors and it is wasting your energy being angry about it.

My question is this: If he is a lazy liar at work, and puts his own immediate needs above anything else, why do you think he's honest with YOU?

Liars aren't liars only in one part of their life. They are liars, period. You cannot trust anything he says to you, ever.

And if you stick with him, you'll be doing so with the understanding that you have to take on any saving, vacations, or anything else you want in life, because you cannot count on him for ANYTHING.

I have no idea why that is OK with you.
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