Jump to content

I'm having doubts about my DHs virginity before marriage.


Recommended Posts

HotLoveANDEmotion

Hello. I'm new here and I hope I'm posting this in the right section. I'll try to make this short and detailed as much as possible...

 

 

I'm 20 years old and my husband is 22 years old. We've been married since last year.

 

He told me his a virgin before we got married and I told him I've slept with someone else before him.. but I always had the feeling he has lied about his virginity because we're not suppose to have sex before marriage but I was honest with him.

 

Before me, he had a girlfriend for almost 2 years which he says they never had sex because he didn't trust her? But that was his first love and he was devastated for a whole year after they broke up and he even wanted to marry her... After they broke up, he hit me up on Facebook thru a mutual friend and we started talking on the phone and he would try to have phone sex and meet up to have sex but than I stopped talking to him since he didn't want anything more. .

 

After a year he decided to talk to me on Facebook again and I was happy since we haven't talked in along time. The same thing started again. We talked for a few days and he wanted to slowly talk naughty and meet up to hand out and have sex and I gave in :(

 

I always wondered after that why he didn't have sex with his ex whom he loved to much and wanted me after a couple days not knowing what I had or what type of person I could of been..

 

I've asked him about his virginity but he would get mad or his story would sound weird like it wasn't the whole story..

 

 

Even after a year of marriage I'm still doubting him. I just wanted honestly but I have this strong feeling he lied to me. His known in the community for having a good reputation and I know he acts pretty Holly.

 

I have dreams of him having sex with his ex and I put together little things from stories his told me but I just want the truth. I don't care if he wasn't a virgin, I only want the truth.

 

How can I handle this? I know he'll get mad If I question his virginity or he'll say I love going back to the past or turn it around on me instead of actually talking to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tough problem. Close to insoluble if you want hard evidence.

 

However, I see reasons to believe that your instinct is correct. Your H's claim about why he supposedly never had sex with his ex is implausible, and he has every reason (based on religious norms) to lie about this. His story sounds weird, most likely because it is implausible based on the totality of facts as you know them and it probably is not the truth. IMO.

 

Also, the description of how he "courted" you sounds kinds gross and I'm sorry you report it with a sad face....this is unusual. Usually a happy young couple looks back on their early days of falling in love and experiencing each other with great happiness and fondness. But if you feel like he maneuvered you into bed against your principles and/or interest, I can understand the ":(".

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
HotLoveANDEmotion

He told me never had sex with her because he didn't trust her but I wonder why he would want to have sex with me after a couple of days of texting/talking and trying to pressure to meet up and have sex when he denied his "first love" the woman he wanted to marry and was heartbroken over a year when she moved to a different country.

 

How can I talk to him about his again without him getting mad?

Link to post
Share on other sites

So let me see if I got this straight, some dude messages you on Facebook and in a matter of days arranges to meet up for sex and you eventually married him and now you are worried about him not being a virgin before you met?????

 

This all sounds kind of wacko to me.

 

So what's the issue here? Why are you so concerned if he was a virgin or not?

 

How will it impact you if you find out he wasn't a virgin and how will it impact you if he was?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
HotLoveANDEmotion
So let me see if I got this straight, some dude messages you on Facebook and in a matter of days arranges to meet up for sex and you eventually married him and now you are worried about him not being a virgin before you met?????

 

This all sounds kind of wacko to me.

 

So what's the issue here? Why are you so concerned if he was a virgin or not?

 

How will it impact you if you find out he wasn't a virgin and how will it impact you if he was?

 

 

Well, that sums it up if you want to make it short.

 

I'm just having doubts. I feel like I'm being lied too. I would feel much better if he would be honest with me :/

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is he a deceptive, dishonest person who misleads, manipulates and lies to people in any other areas of his life?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is he a deceptive, dishonest person who misleads, manipulates and lies to people in any other areas of his life?

 

THIS.

 

The basis of your concern is that he lied, making him untrustworthy, making it risky for you to be vulnerable and loving with him.

 

But you can look at who he is and get a pretty good idea.

 

Does he have good relationships with his family and friends?

Is he a trusting person? (untrustworthy people are often suspicious of others)

Is he ethical... would he give back a lost wallet, tell a cashier if they forgot to ring up something, etc?

Does he get angry when watching a movie/tv show where someone lies/cheats/steals, or does he root for that person?

Does what he says and does align with the values he says he has?

Is he transparent, or is he secretive?

 

You need to quit worrying about what he did with his ex, and pay attention to who he is now, and if he seems to be an honest person, he most likely is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...