englishdad2 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Hi - new to the forums - no idea what sort of feedback I'll get but need to share and get this off my chest and see what advice or thoughts you give . Married for 9 years, and it's been generally good - however, feels right now as if we just aren't having fun, no laughter or time for each other. Many of her comments to me are complaints about what I've done (not cleaned something, or forgotten something, minor niggles) and that eats away at me and my confidence. We both work, have great children, but its just not fun. Sex is seldom, and I feel I tend to initiate it. If I thought hard about it, I'd admit our sex life was not great, not enough closeness. I'm really frustrated by it all, as I try hard. After career change my wife now earns almost twice what I do, and I feel that is sometimes thrown in my face. I don't know - it's a tough time and I'd be glad of some advice. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Please talk to your wife about this! Don't come to total strangers, this forum for counsel w/o having a heart-to-heart with your own wife. Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Please talk to your wife about this! Don't come to total strangers, this forum for counsel w/o having a heart-to-heart with your own wife. Oh yeah, and welcome to LoveShack. But soccerrprp does have a point. How are your communication channels with your mrs? What expectations do you have of each other? Is she deliberately being critical or does she just not realise how she's coming across? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 It sounds like you are in a rut. Tell her you miss the fun of dating her, and you are planning some fun and exciting dates. Call her your girlfriend (in play), and treat her as such. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) I too am a huge proponent of communication in relationships. You MUST start here before you can ever think about improving things. You say you "try hard" to get closer with her. What sort of things are you doing that she doesn't seem to respond to exactly? Often times we think we're doing all that we can in our relationships when in fact we're probably doing the bare minimum, get discouraged that that isn't working and then pout it out for the rest of the day. I'm sure if you really thought long and hard there could be things you could do better. We all can. Have you ever heard of the seven-year itch? The seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage. This isn't just some melodramatic notion bored housewives made up. There really is something to it. You have been married 9 years so to reach that point in your marriage where you might feel like you're struggling to find that fun and excitement and passion isn't uncommon. I think the first step is to sit your wife down and talk with her about how you're feeling. Find out how SHE feels about things. Depending on how that goes and how open and willing each of you are to not only candidly talk about things but also listen to what the other person is saying, that may be all that was needed to begin mending the relationship. If there is some resistance and things persist, you might have to consider marriage counselling provided you want to save your marriage. Good luck!! Edited May 21, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 it appears she is frustrated --- hence the negative comments to you. like the other posters, i agree this is a communication issue. you need to reestablish the line --- rather than a 'lets talk' or 'we have a problem' speech; start simple --- ask her out to a movie (one she likes, but you should suggest the actual movie: hint, showing you care about her). on the ride to, ask her about her day. after the movie: talk about the movie. just like you did when you were dating. then do it again. eventually expand it to a drink afterwards (find a bar with a band). the movie/bar band are distractions, nothing worse than going out to dinner and have nothing to say. that would only reinforce her apparent disappointment in you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Can you plan a romantic date? Even a picnic or walk in the park? On the date tell her how much you miss having fun with her & ask how she thinks you can get that back. Link to post Share on other sites
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