revingkevin Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 She constantly follows me around and is always like ''what are WE doing now?'' its so annoying because she has no life of her own and makes me sit at home with her for hours and hours. Every time I want to hang out with my buddies, she comes along. If I try to leave she gets really upset and makes me feel guilty. My friends are getting annoyed and are starting to call her a "tampon tag-a-long" She is always trying to arrange stuff for us to do together and I just want my own space! I don't want to hurt her as I know she loves me, but how can I make her get the hint and leave me alone? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 How about... 'hey honey, I'm off out for a guy's night later, been a while and there's loads to catch up on! What do you fancy doing together tomorrow?' Honestly just be honest. It would drive me crazy if a partner wouldn't leave me alone or let me have alone time with my friends too, it's nice when they get along with your partner and vice versa but you still need to keep your own separate friendships and interests to stay sane and prevent feeling smothered. Have you communicated with her AT ALL that you want some time with your buddies alone? Or do you just let her take control and then silently seethe? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dovegirl Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Are you two newly married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author revingkevin Posted May 10, 2014 Author Share Posted May 10, 2014 Are you two newly married? nah...we have been married for about 5 yrars Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 She constantly follows me around and is always like ''what are WE doing now?'' its so annoying because she has no life of her own and makes me sit at home with her for hours and hours. Every time I want to hang out with my buddies, she comes along. If I try to leave she gets really upset and makes me feel guilty. My friends are getting annoyed and are starting to call her a "tampon tag-a-long" She is always trying to arrange stuff for us to do together and I just want my own space! I don't want to hurt her as I know she loves me, but how can I make her get the hint and leave me alone? It's healthy and normal to have things you do on your own, see friends and just do some stuff you want to do.. Your wife has to understand that and also it'll be good for her to spend some time visiting her friends, doing hobbies etc, without you. Have an honest but kind talk with her, that it's better for couples not to spend 24/7 together. You aren't there to entertain her, keep her busy. She has to do stuff on her own without you! If I spent every waking hour with my husband, we'd both have forks in our heads! As much as I love him, at times he bugs the crap out of me! Link to post Share on other sites
dovegirl Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 nah...we have been married for about 5 yrars Then I'd say you're overdue for a talk about boundaries. Try telling your wife it would actually be good if you spent some time apart. It gives you time to miss each other. It gives you things to talk about (what do you talk about if you are together all the time so you already know what each other have done?). Emphasize that you do enjoy being with her, but you need some "guy time." I don't think this is an unreasonable request at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 His request is fair, the way he is conveying makes for concern. Nor are his friends speaking well on the matter. I'd say divorce her if friends take precedence and speak that way. Its not sounding that he has made efforts to arrange time for the marriage.most ladies are content with a spouse who does plan a date night. Is that feasible? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 His request is fair, the way he is conveying makes for concern. Nor are his friends speaking well on the matter. I'd say divorce her if friends take precedence and speak that way. Its not sounding that he has made efforts to arrange time for the marriage.most ladies are content with a spouse who does plan a date night. Is that feasible? Uhhhh.... what? So it's his fault? Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Uhhhh.... what? So it's his fault? Yeah, it actually is his own fault. He's been married to her for 5 years and is just NOW saying something about wanting time to himself? He's created this situation for himself by allowing it to happen for this long. If he wanted to be able to have alone time, he should have made that clear from the get go. Not every marriage works with "separate" times... particularly if it comes out of the blue after having been together, doing everything together for quite awhile beforehand. I have a feeling he's going to have a lot of explaining to do to both his friends about respecting his marriage to his wife (and just being plain respectful OF her) and to his wife about why he suddenly wants "guys only" time after 5 years together. OP, might I ask...exactly HOW do you respond to your friends when they comment in such a disrespectful manner about your wife? And why is it that you suddenly NOW want "guy time"? To me it's a sign that there is a deeper problem in your marriage. I mean really, shouldn't your wife be your best friend? Sure, you are welcome to have hobbies of your own and to ask for some space if you need it, but you should be very careful of how you do it and what you say to your friends about how you feel about your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 You need to kindly and gently tell her how you are feeling. "Honey, you know I love you and love spending time with you, can we start a dedicated date night once a week, where we take turn about choosing what we do together on that date? Also I feel like I need some space of my own in this marriage too, as I'm feeling a little smothered and my friends are poking fun at me always needing to be with you. I think if we both have our own time with our own friends it will keep either of us from building any resentment towards one another." Something along those lines??? Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Why aren't you telling your "friends" not to speak about your wife that way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 You need to kindly and gently tell her how you are feeling. "Honey, you know I love you and love spending time with you, can we start a dedicated date night once a week, where we take turn about choosing what we do together on that date? Also I feel like I need some space of my own in this marriage too, as I'm feeling a little smothered and my friends are poking fun at me always needing to be with you. I think if we both have our own time with our own friends it will keep either of us from building any resentment towards one another." Something along those lines??? I think if I were his wife, I'd feel pretty devastated to hear that I was smothering him without realising... I think this could potentially be resolved by being a little more subtle about it initially, such as just stating as though it's normal for them 'I'm off out on a guy's night tonight, no women allowed unfortunately babe! What do you want to do on the weekend together?' If she doesn't get the hint then yeah, perhaps it's time to bust out the kinda stuff you said. Although I don't think she needs to know about friends poking fun, that would really be upsetting and make all kinds of new issues, such as why he is allowing them to mock her, damage the relationship she has with his friends etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I think if I were his wife, I'd feel pretty devastated to hear that I was smothering him without realising... I think this could potentially be resolved by being a little more subtle about it initially, such as just stating as though it's normal for them 'I'm off out on a guy's night tonight, no women allowed unfortunately babe! What do you want to do on the weekend together?' If she doesn't get the hint then yeah, perhaps it's time to bust out the kinda stuff you said. Although I don't think she needs to know about friends poking fun, that would really be upsetting and make all kinds of new issues, such as why he is allowing them to mock her, damage the relationship she has with his friends etc. My partner smothers me and I've told him, he didn't like being told but he got over it. He needed to hear it though coz I would've walked if things hadn't eased up. He actually needs another reminder as I have spent half the day today in tears because I feel like his smothering is robbing me of my freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 My partner smothers me and I've told him, he didn't like being told but he got over it. He needed to hear it though coz I would've walked if things hadn't eased up. He actually needs another reminder as I have spent half the day today in tears because I feel like his smothering is robbing me of my freedom. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that, but the OP didn't indicate that he has already spoken to his wife about this issue, so I don't think it necessarily correlates precisely with your scenario, where you've had to directly tell your partner the smothering is getting so bad you're considering walking, and he's still continuing to do so. By all means if she doesn't change her behaviour after he tries to change the situation gently, subtly and kindly, then he may have to be more direct. But I don't think it's 100% necessary yet to break out the 'you're absolutely smothering me, back off or this isn't going to work!' if he hasn't even brought it up at all yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Whatever the issues with your wife, I think you need to reconsider your friendships. No civilized adult male should talk about one of their wives, or any woman, like that. Why don't you arrange something to do as a couple, perhaps once a week, and then tell her that you would like at least two night a week with your mates. Has she got more clingy recently? Do you think the fact that you push her away so much has resulted in making her more insecure - vicious circle. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whirl3daway Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 so you associate with people who call women "tampons"? Link to post Share on other sites
tommyr Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 completely insensitive thought... if we could just hookup up this girl with the "obsessed husband" in the other thread. sorry i just had to say it. yes I am sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Have you given her a reason for WHY she feels she can't leave you alone? I suspect there is much more going on here than you're letting on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 My partner smothers me and I've told him, he didn't like being told but he got over it. He needed to hear it though coz I would've walked if things hadn't eased up. He actually needs another reminder as I have spent half the day today in tears because I feel like his smothering is robbing me of my freedom. If your freedom is more important than your partner, I'm wondering why stay in a relationship? Set him free so he find another woman who would love to give up her freedom for a nice guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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