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Is it possible to save my marriage?


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I recently got married in May.... and I’m questioning if things will ever get better. I find myself struggling to trust him and be happy because I’m constantly waiting for the next argument. We bicker which then leads to a huge overall fight of rehashing the same issues (or same three issues he has with me). It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even care to talk to him about anything anymore unless we go to counseling which we’ve done before and stopped when we got engaged. He doesn't seem to want to do that, I think mostly because the therapist didn't tell him I'm wrong and he's right.

 

So what am I supposed to do just give up completely and call it quits? I’m not happy mainly because I don’t have a future with him. Every time I start to think things are ok and we’re getting along, I think about next steps like buying a house, going on a vacation he gets all weird and deflects until I confront him about not wanting to discuss it and that then spirals us into him saying “I have these three issues with you and you don’t change.” Everything wrong in our relationship is my fault to him. I don't compliment him enough, I don't clean the house enough, I don't have sex with him enough. Nothing just has a simple fix or cut and dry. And I’m 100% sure if there weren't those things there’d be three more he could find. I just feel like he doesn't like me as person. I feel like we're completely fine the majority of the time, but then these arguments happen and he assures me we were never fine.

 

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated! :(

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justagirl51

It seems as if you two were having problems with each other even before you got married as you said you were in counseling until you got engaged. I don't mean to sound harsh but you must have known this man has issues before you agreed to marry him. Marriage doesn't make problems go away, it usually makes them much worse. Why? I personally think it's because of the expectations most people bring into marriage. It sounds like your husband "expects" a wife who A, sweet talks him and makes him feel good about himself, B, keeps a clean house, maybe like his mother did?, and C., is a little sex kitten. That's what he most likely has always expected his wife to be like.

 

Just as you have to accept that this man you married has issues, many that he can overcome if he tries, he has to accept you for exactly who and how you are, not who and how he wants you to be. On the other hand, if you know that he likes to be complimented, try to do that more just to make him happy. I'm not saying become a different person, but we all have our love languages, and it seems as if he's begging for that kind of validation.

 

Maybe let him know what your love language is and agree to try to give each other the kind of love that each of you personally requires to feel loved. Also he needs to realize that expectations will ruin your relationship, and acceptance will save it. I hope anything I said helps.

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