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the woman you married, when you slept with her


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just curious guys... was the woman you eventually married one that you slept with quickly (3 dates or under) or one that made you wait longer?

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Since no one responded to this thread, I'll answer on behalf of my husband. He married me, when he could have had anyone. He had and has a lot going for him. I made him wait until marriage before having sex with him. He thought I was worth the wait.

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I'll answer for my husband. We had sex on the second date. We'd decided to be exclusive halfway though the first date.

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Second date. It surprised us both but we both wanted to be in a relationship and it just happened.

 

It felt great at the time, but it didn't come without a price. It started us down a rocky road by triggering our worst vulnerabilities. Hers was to be used as a sex toy where she ultimately wanted to find her life partner. Mine was to be betrayed (meaning that she was easy to get into bed with me, stupid to think it couldn't happen again without me) while I also wanted to find a life partner.

 

If I had to change the past, I wish we would have waited longer. In fact, if she'd have held out for a couple three months, it would have been a much smoother courting.

 

Advice to young people ... wait a while. Marriage, whew, sounds like a long time, but ... just not too quick.

 

Z

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In a perfect world you wait. But I was young and horny and thought my wife was really sexy. The thing was, she was this polite, quiet "girl next door" type and after the second or third time we went out I made a move on her. I was used to being the one in control of things. I was usually an aggressive guy and I thought I had this cute little blonde girl all figured out. Was I ever wrong. I made the moves on her and instead of me being the aggressor it was her who was taking charge. Needless to say this threw me off a ton. All of the sudden she turned into a tiger behind closed doors.

 

So, the embarrassing part was that I was intimidated by all of this and when we were about to start having sex I couldn't get an erection. No matter what.

 

And in all honesty, it took a couple of months into the relationship for me because I was always afraid of getting hot and heavy again and having nothing happen. It was in my head. She didn't care, and in a way it was great because we then didn't focus on sex in the beginning but on getting to know each other better.

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Second date. It surprised us both but we both wanted to be in a relationship and it just happened.

 

It felt great at the time, but it didn't come without a price. It started us down a rocky road by triggering our worst vulnerabilities. Hers was to be used as a sex toy where she ultimately wanted to find her life partner. Mine was to be betrayed (meaning that she was easy to get into bed with me, stupid to think it couldn't happen again without me) while I also wanted to find a life partner.

 

If I had to change the past, I wish we would have waited longer. In fact, if she'd have held out for a couple three months, it would have been a much smoother courting.

 

Advice to young people ... wait a while. Marriage, whew, sounds like a long time, but ... just not too quick.

 

Z

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

It just makes sense to wait, but of course I'm older too and I don't think they (the youngsters) will ever get it *sigh* :rolleyes:

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just curious guys... was the woman you eventually married one that you slept with quickly (3 dates or under) or one that made you wait longer?[/QUOTe]

 

We were older. We knew what we wanted. Why waste time?

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My fiance' and I waited for 2 months. We were official/exclusive after 6 weeks. Another two weeks went by to exchange std lab results. She was the longest I ever waited. But she is also the girl I respect most and is by far the best lover I ever had.

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cozycottagelg

I will answer for my husband. I barely knew him, but had a huge crush. I went to his house for a party and spent the night. Didn't really leave much after that. That was almost 14 years ago.

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Candy_Pants

I'll answer on my H's behalf :). We were friends since a very young age. Our Uncles were best friends, etc.

 

On our first date I asked him to be my boyfriend. Later he said he hadn't even asked me on a date that night, that it was a friendly dinner :o. He didn't think I'd "go" for him in a romantic way.

 

That night we were far from our respective homes and had had a few drinks so we decided to get a hotel room where we proceeded to do all kinds of fun things :).

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My wife and I really didnt wait. We may have slept together after the first or second date, I know it was really fast. However, two main reasons why that happened, 1. I was currently stationed in s. korea, and was home for just two and a half weeks so we were making the most of it. And 2. we had been flirting with each other for a few months on cam before I came home, so we knew each other pretty well. You could almost really say we had been seeing each other for about 5 months before we slept together, which was only the final physical part, we had been naked on cam several times before that :)

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GoodOnPaper

I don't remember the exact date number but it was fairly quickly. I had had a long dry spell and she seemed into me so . . .

 

I've always felt that the first-sex timing should be an organic part of that relationship's development, whether quickly or slowly. Trying to play artificial games with it would seem awkward. To what degree first-sex timing affects guys' attitudes about relationships is probably very individualized and you probably have to play it by ear to some extent to get a sense of where a new guy stands on this. I can see where it would pique a guy's interest if he runs into a situation that he's not used to. For guys who can attract women whenever they want, I can see how waiting might keep them interested. Example . . .

 

Since no one responded to this thread, I'll answer on behalf of my husband. He married me, when he could have had anyone. He had and has a lot going for him. I made him wait until marriage before having sex with him. He thought I was worth the wait.

 

However, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. My singlehood experience told me that women didn't want me physically. So the best thing one could do to get my attention would be to show an interest in getting physical early. A waiting game would just come off as the woman being one of a gazillion others who didn't think I was good looking enough to have sex with.

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I waited because I wanted to be obedient to God's will. My husband respected me for that. It's not because of the novelty that he stuck around. He respected my values and lifestyle.

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Studies have been done on this. They have surveyed those who are married and found there is no correlation between when they first slept together and their long term potential. Essentially they said if two people like one another, they will make it work regardless and that it doesn't matter.

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Studies have been done on this. They have surveyed those who are married and found there is no correlation between when they first slept together and their long term potential. Essentially they said if two people like one another, they will make it work regardless and that it doesn't matter.

That's not what I read. I've read studies that show that people who lived more promiscuous lives before marriage are less likely to stay married. And that people who live together before marriage are less likely to stay married. And that bringing sex into the relationship too early on impedes getting to know each other on other levels and clouds one's judgement about the relationship in general.

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Studies have been done on this. They have surveyed those who are married and found there is no correlation between when they first slept together and their long term potential. Essentially they said if two people like one another, they will make it work regardless and that it doesn't matter.

i do believe you are confused: there are more people sleeping around and more divorces taking place than ever before.

my wife and I waited till our wedding to obey God, to not make our relationship sex based, to show her she was worth waiting for.

i feel like the wait did not hurt us, we have been married 31 years.

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Met at a party 4 yrs ago ... She came home with me... Together since then. married 2 yrs ... Through thick and thin.

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