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me venting


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BOREDouttaMymind

new marriage. I feel like a housemaid. she cleans on occasion key word occasion.

I cleaned the entire house today top to bottom, bleached the tub, everything. trash, vaccum, and I ask her if its cool if she puts things in the dishwasher at the end of the night.

 

she goes to bed and leaves all her dishes in the living room and THREE empty beer cans in THREE different locations.

 

its like a slap to my face. its THREE different chances for her to throw them out.

 

her work dishes are still in the cooler from 2 days ago and I want TO SCREAM.

 

I feel like im so friggen alone in this relationship right now.

 

like I said. me venting.

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Is there something that she would like you to do, but you don't do it? Perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to meet her halfway. Cleaning isn't everyone's forte and she may not feel the importance of doing it. You can express your frustration without getting angry, and I think that she would be more inclined to clean up when expected to if she feels like you would appreciate her doing it. I know this is basic knowledge, but you want to avoid kitchen-sinking. I know that you're venting your frustration, but at some point...the internet isn't going to provide you that opportunity when you have a big disagreement and you start throwing poop at each other. You don't want to bring it up during an argument, because I think she'd clean even less.

 

I would start figuring out a way to compromise on the issue. Otherwise, you're only a ticking time bomb until she makes one wrong move and you decide to throw everything at her face. Don't do that. It's bad for the marriage. Do the smart thing. Come up with a game plan. Be passive aggressive.

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Talk to her.

 

Seriously.

 

Talk to her.

 

Explain how this is an important thing to you and you understand it's not such a big deal to her, but that it does drive you crazy & you feel resentful & you need her to help you out on putting the dishes away.

 

Get a cleaner. She did not sign up to be a cleaner (clearly). If you can't afford it and it's important to you, then YOU do the cleaning and work out what she can do to pull her weight in other areas.

 

But I have to tell you that letting it eat you up WILL breed resentment which will eat at your marriage.

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This thread is kind of funny. Perhaps she could do all the outdoor work (like mow the lawn, shovel the snow, bag the leaves and BBQ duty). Kind of an 80's style gender bender :)

 

I would start figuring out a way to compromise on the issue.

The compromise would be to do half. A modern day woman would expect no difference from a man ... half! And in most circumstances (dual income, similar hours ...) she would be right!

 

BeingMe has the story.

You need to talk to her about this or the burden of your standard of cleaning (which is a little OCD'ish IMHO) will never even be attempted. One thing that you must not be guilty of is getting frustrated for expectations not communicated (this is the way of the Nice Guy Syndrome - hope that's not the case here!)

 

One thing though, is given your preference to a clean home (and I assume that is what it is and this is not just a young love power struggle), perhaps you can agree that there is a couple / three rooms that you would seriously appreciate a bit more effort (say living, kitchen and bathroom). At least then you'll be unexpected company safe?

 

Bottom line, tell her that it bothers you and ask if she feels you're expecting too much. If she just cannot see that keeping a clean home/car is important to you ... leave the toilet seat up ... always, control the remote, thread the toilet paper on backwards (whatever that is for her), wash your socks and underwear with her shirts. Meh, I'm just making fun :)

 

I am not a fan of delegation (can you do the dishes) - it's awkward and promotes stubbornness and power struggles. Truth be told, most people would react poorly to such a thing. The thing you have to do is have a loose agreement. When I say loose, is don't be absolute about it, but over time 50% effort should be made.

 

Zimber.

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