How is saving a woman from danger a poor foundation for marriage?

[Broncos38]

Well have been there for eachother for almost the three years. But we didn't meet in person til six months ago.

[Eivuwan]

too vague. I don't really know what you're trying to say.

[Broncos38]

too vague. I don't really know what you're trying to say.

What I'm trying to say is that we want to live together but her mom will not let us cause her mother is worried about her soul. What should I do just with fact we can't despite what her mother thinks. But it really is not fair. I'm trying to save money but how are going to find out how it is going to work if we don't budget our money n save for our wedding. I'm doing too much driving I put on 6300 miles on my car the last two months. My fiancee doesn't care what her mother thinks.

[Eivuwan]

If your financee doesn't care, then why do you care?

[crederer]

I'm sorry but your last two threads didn't make a heck of a lot of sense. All I can really make out from them is that your girl's parents don't like you. Is that correct?

[M30USA]

The only thing that makes sense about the OP is the title. I suspect what you are asking is whether or not it's good to protect women from the natural consequences of their own actions and sheltering them in an artificial bubble. Is this what you're asking?

[d0nnivain]

Your FMIL buys you gas cards so clearly she is sympathetic to the distance & trying to help solve the problem.

 

If you FI doesn't care, she will do what she wants despite her mom. However, even though she is telling you that she doesn't care, she still lives with mom. Actions speak louder than words. She does care.

 

We also told that you could also go to city hall & get married for the price of a marriage license (< $50). Problem solved.

 

You want us to tell you how to get your FI to defy her mom & you want mom to be happy about. Not gonna happen.

 

BTW, what "danger" are you saving her from?

Edited November 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Broncos38]

Your FMIL buys you gas cards so clearly she is sympathetic to the distance & trying to help solve the problem.

 

If you FI doesn't care, she will do what she wants despite her mom. However, even though she is telling you that she doesn't care, she still lives with mom. Actions speak louder than words. She does care.

 

 

We also told that you could also go to city hall & get married for the price of a marriage license (< $50). Problem solved.

 

You want us to tell you how to get your FI to defy her mom & you want mom to be happy about. Not gonna happen.

 

BTW, what "danger" are you saving her from?

 

Well I saved her from being hurt by scammers. And also packing up her suitcase to meet scammers it could of been something terrible like sex offenders. Crazy stuff like that.

[mikecr50]

How is it NOT a poor foundation for a marriage!!!

[Broncos38]

How is it NOT a poor foundation for a marriage!!!

 

I'm taking rcia classes and after that taking marriage preparing classes.

[d0nnivain]

I'm taking rcia classes and after that taking marriage preparing classes.

 

 

RCIA is a joke. It's the Catholic Church's version of marraige counseling & it's still based on the idea that people marry at age 20 with no clue about anything & are both virgins on their wedding day.

 

So you saved her from scammers. That makes me think that your FI is a very naive, immature woman & the mother does need to be involved. I'm not sure that the mother isn't doing more damage by sheltering your FI but I don't see the best foundation here. Wait some more. Take your time. If it was meant to be happily ever after, 'til death do you part, delaying the begining until you are both financially & emotionally stronger isn't a bad thing.

[Broncos38]

RCIA is a joke. It's the Catholic Church's version of marraige counseling & it's still based on the idea that people marry at age 20 with no clue about anything & are both virgins on their wedding day.

 

So you saved her from scammers. That makes me think that your FI is a very naive, immature woman & the mother does need to be involved. I'm not sure that the mother isn't doing more damage by sheltering your FI but I don't see the best foundation here. Wait some more. Take your time. If it was meant to be happily ever after, 'til death do you part, delaying the begining until you are both financially & emotionally stronger isn't a bad thing.

 

I just got a job offer 24 hours per week plus I get ssdi and she gets ssi

[d0nnivain]

Good for you both! But slow down.

 

You are a good guy but your FIs mom is not the enemy here. If her daughter (your FI) gets SSI your FMIL has valid reasons to be protective. Respect those & work with mom. Talk to the priest who is doing your RCIA. I promise . . . as much as I knock the program . . . it has it's good points & your situation is one where I think they can help a lot.

 

Did you take the scantron compatiblity test yet? They will ask you a series of Qs about how you deal with your family of origin (birth family). I think you both need to talk about that section with your priest.

 

FWIW, that section was one of the reasons I criticized the test in my situation. It wants to know if your parents understand that your relationship with them will change once you marry. I said absolutely not & the priest didn't like my answer. He wanted me to explain it better to my parents & draw more definitive lines showing my independence. I explained I could not because my mother had an advanced case of Alzehiemer's disease & she didn't even know what day of the week it was so I could not force her to deal with abstract concepts & I was one of the few constants in her life. To me the commandment about honoring your father & mother superceded some stupid test designed for people half my age. When the priest disagreed, I igorned the priest.

 

Your situation is different than mine. I shared my story so you understood my criticism of the process from an objective perspective. In your situation, I really think if you, your FI & her mom talk to the priest it will help & move you forward toward your goal.

 

Good luck.

Edited November 27, 2013 by d0nnivain

[Broncos38]

Good for you both! But slow down.

 

You are a good guy but your FIs mom is not the enemy here. If her daughter (your FI) gets SSI your FMIL has valid reasons to be protective. Respect those & work with mom. Talk to the priest who is doing your RCIA. I promise . . . as much as I knock the program . . . it has it's good points & your situation is one where I think they can help a lot.

 

Did you take the scantron compatiblity test yet? They will ask you a series of Qs about how you deal with your family of origin (birth family). I think you both need to talk about that section with your priest.

 

FWIW, that section was one of the reasons I criticized the test in my situation. It wants to know if your parents understand that your relationship with them will change once you marry. I said absolutely not & the priest didn't like my answer. He wanted me to explain it better to my parents & draw more definitive lines showing my independence. I explained I could not because my mother had an advanced case of Alzehiemer's disease & she didn't even know what day of the week it was so I could not force her to deal with abstract concepts & I was one of the few constants in her life. To me the commandment about honoring your father & mother superceded some stupid test designed for people half my age. When the priest disagreed, I igorned the priest.

 

Your situation is different than mine. I shared my story so you understood my criticism of the process from an objective perspective. In your situation, I really think if you, your FI & her mom talk to the priest it will help & move you forward toward your goal.

 

Good luck.

What about all the constant driving in doing putting up more more milage on my car. I put on about 6300 miles on it. It gets expensive you know. I have to drive 28 miles to see her. And she can't drive under state law and has to be seizure free for 8 months. But we don't like the distance from eachother its crazy. How is going to work we can't we want at our age over 30. On top of that to save money for the wedding on the near future. But we get along great. We compromise all the time.

[InnocentMan]

Twenty odd miles is nothing, and you say it like it's the forums fault. As for the rest, I can only admire the people that made the effort to decipher it.

[Broncos38]

Good for you both! But slow down.

 

You are a good guy but your FIs mom is not the enemy here. If her daughter (your FI) gets SSI your FMIL has valid reasons to be protective. Respect those & work with mom. Talk to the priest who is doing your RCIA. I promise . . . as much as I knock the program . . . it has it's good points & your situation is one where I think they can help a lot.

 

Did you take the scantron compatiblity test yet? They will ask you a series of Qs about how you deal with your family of origin (birth family). I think you both need to talk about that section with your priest.

 

FWIW, that section was one of the reasons I criticized the test in my situation. It wants to know if your parents understand that your relationship with them will change once you marry. I said absolutely not & the priest didn't like my answer. He wanted me to explain it better to my parents & draw more definitive lines showing my independence. I explained I could not because my mother had an advanced case of Alzehiemer's disease & she didn't even know what day of the week it was so I could not force her to deal with abstract concepts & I was one of the few constants in her life. To me the commandment about honoring your father & mother superceded some stupid test designed for people half my age. When the priest disagreed, I igorned the priest.

 

Your situation is different than mine. I shared my story so you understood my criticism of the process from an objective perspective. In your situation, I really think if you, your FI & her mom talk to the priest it will help & move you forward toward your goal.

 

Good luck.

 

Twenty odd miles is nothing, and you say it like it's the forums fault. As for the rest, I can only admire the people that made the effort to decipher it.

 

I wished things were easier for us. But what do you mean by decipher? Also how much longer can we take this by being apart most of the time. We found true love we really want to be together but her mother is stuck in the past and can't deal with things of change. Her won't listen and she is like a a brick wall to tall to. If you knew the rest of our situation it'll differ trust me.

[d0nnivain]

What about all the constant driving in doing putting up more more milage on my car. I put on about 6300 miles on it. It gets expensive you know. I have to drive 28 miles to see her. And she can't drive under state law and has to be seizure free for 8 months. But we don't like the distance from eachother its crazy. How is going to work we can't we want at our age over 30. On top of that to save money for the wedding on the near future. But we get along great. We compromise all the time.

 

I used to put an average of 2,000 -- 3,000 miles a MONTH on my car. I can't sympathize with you. Really 28 miles isn't that much. My husband drives 36 miles one way to work everyday.

 

To stop driving that little distance is no reason to move in together.

 

Have a smaller wedding so you need less money.

[Broncos38]

I used to put an average of 2,000 -- 3,000 miles a MONTH on my car. I can't sympathize with you. Really 28 miles isn't that much. My husband drives 36 miles one way to work everyday.

 

To stop driving that little distance is no reason to move in together.

 

Have a smaller wedding so you need less money.

 

What I'm saying I'm putting on 2,400 miles a month just to see her which is 700 a week. How me and my fiancee going to save for wedding and future trips if keep miles on my car gasoline most of the time.

[d0nnivain]

Get a more fuel efficient car or a job that pays more money (I understand that with SSDI there are income caps). Move closer to her. Sell something.

 

You have become fixated that moving in together is your only solution. It might not be.

 

Do your FI & mom have a spare room in their house? Perhaps you could pay them rent?

[Broncos38]

Get a more fuel efficient car or a job that pays more money (I understand that with SSDI there are income caps). Move closer to her. Sell something.

 

You have become fixated that moving in together is your only solution. It might not be.

 

Do your FI & mom have a spare room in their house? Perhaps you could pay them rent?

 

I just got a job offer. But its more than I'm making now. Its just she hates being at home. She is all stressed out. Can't drive because of epilepsy. Has to be cleared after 8 months. I just can't dump her cause of this situation. The new job I got is going to be further away. Her parents have no space. She's getting tired of the same routine all the time. I don't want her getting sick cause of isolation.