Craig Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I am a part owner of a company that I founded about 6 years ago. We have business materials that are confidential and access to certain files, programs etc. are restricted to a few and sometimes only one person (i.e. me). I do a lot of work from my home office. The Problem. My wife wants access to everything in my home office including these confidential materials that I have no legal right (I’ve signed various confidentiality agreements etc.) to allow her access to. Any ideas what I can do? Giving her access to these materials is out of the question but she gets angry with me for not giving her access to these materials. I am completely open with her otherwise but I feel I have a legal, moral and ethical obligation to abide by the terms of the confidentiality agreements I have signed. Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Why is she do adement about getting access to these files? Are they something she needs or can use for some reason? Is she trying to help you out with your business or....?? Either way it's good that you are trying to be moral and good and upholding the contract you signed no matter what she says! She should respect this and admire your honest qualities! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Verify with an attorney how a spouse fits into the picture. Not sure why she is so adament about seeing the confidential stuff---maybe she has trust issues? Verify the legality of allowing her to see the confidential information, but not have access to it. She may be appeased by vieweing the material with you, but can't get access herself. Again, check the legality--there are sometimes differences in the laws where a spouse is involved. That is, if you are comfortable with her knowing what is in the files. If she is a gossip or you fear she might let something slip, then you can't share information with her. It depends on the agreements/type of information/business, and the laws in your area governing the contracts/agreements that you signed. If there are trust issues within your marriage, it sounds like you need to work on those outside of a business atmosphere. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 My wife an I share everything. She's my right hand, I can trust her with my life. Sure, If I signed an agreement and I am bound by that agreement I would be reluctant to let her see them. Then again, if it where something that wouldn't cause any harm or wouldn't give away any trade secrets that she could use, I would let her see them. Hiding anything from your spouse is a bad idea no matter what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Get a lawyer to talk to your wife and explain to her what a confidentiality agreement is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Craig Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 Thanks for all of your replies and suggestions I've tried them all. I guess the only thing I can do is keep to the agreements I've signed. My wife doesn't help me with my business, she doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand what my business is all about (it's fairly technical in nature). I was just wondering if I was doing something wrong in our marriage by adhering to the confidentiality agreements I've signed. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 hmm.......that's a tad confusing, unless she thinks that you are hiding something besides just having a *confidential issue* especially since she has no interest in your business. Where I worked I was bound by law to keep things in strict confidence, I took an oath, FBI background check everything and sometimes it ate at me, and without going into names etc, I could confide in my husband without giving him too much information, but he'd never request to see a confidential file probably unless he felt threatened. Just my .02 Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 The Problem. My wife wants access to everything in my home office including these confidential materials that I have no legal right (I’ve signed various confidentiality agreements etc.) to allow her access to. Well, Craig what a Problem. Either A. Wife suspects something is a miss, and you are hiding something: Why? or B. She is a secret agent involved in an international plot involving industrial espionage. I'm gonna guess that she's not a secret agent............ for now. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hiding anything from your spouse is a bad idea no matter what it is. Spouses need to respect their spouses as well. I never knew what my dad did for a living. Nor did my mom. He was obliged to keep the secret and we'd never dream of asking him. Similarly, when I worked for a federal department that required a security clearance, my husband of the time never asked me for any information. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Moose My wife an I share everything. She's my right hand, I can trust her with my life. Sure, If I signed an agreement and I am bound by that agreement I would be reluctant to let her see them. Then again, if it where something that wouldn't cause any harm or wouldn't give away any trade secrets that she could use, I would let her see them. Hiding anything from your spouse is a bad idea no matter what it is. It's a fine thing to say and believe. However if you are a lawyer, policeman, doctor, military and in many other professions there are strict rules of confidentiality. These simply shouldn't be broken. Your spouse should be able to respect that. If a client or partner trusts me with confidential information I need to honor that. The same goes with my spouse. Trust and honor are a way of life in business and in personal relationships. In fact I think you can judge a lot about someone by the way they do their work. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hiding anything from your spouse is a bad idea no matter what it is. I disagree. Each individual has a right to their own privacy regardless of whether or not they are married. I was an individual before I married and I am an individual after I married. Sometimes there are instances where trust has been abused and a different agreement may need to be implemented for both parties to start trusting again but that doesn't mean that either people lose their right to privacy. I'm not saying that many of us don't cross the line when it comes to snooping on our significant other but what we do and what is right are sometimes two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Craig Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Samson, heh, heh you may be right or you may be wrong. My wife has 007 abilities that surprise me. Normal people can't normally do what my wife is capable of. I've wondered at times if she did work as a espionage agent in her past. 1. I'm not hiding anything nefarious from my wife. 2. My wife is suspicious by nature (and has OCPD not a good combo!) and has done extensive background checks on me and only found out that I am a good guy with a good and decent past. Slowly (perhaps--time will tell) she appears to be beginning to start to realize that I am a good and decent guy. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 My mom was like that....no one not me, my sister, or my dad was allowed to have ANY kind of secret. And my mom was a controlling, manipulitive person too. Why does your wife have to see confidential files? Does she have to have control??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Craig Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by Monday Why does your wife have to see confidential files? Does she have to have control??? Monday, yes she has to have control. I guess from your experience with your mom you have an idea what I am going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 My wife is suspicious by nature (and has OCPD not a good combo!) and has done extensive background checks on me Good lord, how must you live with this?: EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND CHECKS!!!! UG! I'll assume she has many counterbalancing attributes. Anyway, I suppose setting up the office in a different location, or keeping a safe deposite box for confidential documents is out of the question(?), because I'm sure that if she isn't given the chance to go through all your home office materials it will drive her (even more?) "nuts" (what we called it before OCD, however dirrogitory and politically incorrect). Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 unless you were a criminal when she met you, or you had tons of money, why on earth would she want to check your background? That's unreal. Total lack of trust, I know for a fact that if my husband did that without my permission, he'd never hear the end. That's total control in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Craig Posted July 30, 2004 Author Share Posted July 30, 2004 Samson, it is extremely difficult to exist with this. As far as counterbalancing attributes I only wish there were. Safe deposit boxes are too small and inconvenient. My home office is set up in a custom built shed--let me tell you it is v cool too (very high tech)! Thank you for your comments and please no need to be PC. Haunani, I've never been a criminal and didn't have tons of money. I think it comes down to her having a very suspicious nature and OCPD. She's shared the private investigator reports and videos with me they've all said I'm a good man and she's lucky to have me yet her need to have access to everything persists. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 They are two very different disorders. I had a devil of a time finding information on OCPD but it is one SOB of a disorder. Supposedly the most difficult of disorders to treat because the sufferer refuses to believe anyone else could possibly be right. Heaven help you, Craig!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 I feel for you in this tough situation. Ideally, she should trust you and respect the agreements you've signed. What is OCPD? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Wow! There's a lot more info on it online than when I first looked!!! Here's one great link: http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Gee, that sounds even harder to conquer than OCD Link to post Share on other sites
Author Craig Posted August 1, 2004 Author Share Posted August 1, 2004 moimeme, thank you for the link to that OCPD page. I found it very helpful in understanding more of what is going on in my marriage. It reminds me of Shakespeare's line..."All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts..." I definitely have a role to play in my wife's OCPD and I don't like it. Thanks again for the link that provided greated insight for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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