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My Wife Was Kissing Other Men At a Party - Right in Front of Me

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Old 18th July 2004, 2:14 AM   #1
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Angry My Wife Was Kissing Other Men At a Party - Right in Front of Me

My wife and I have been married for 2 months. Throughout dating, planning a wedding, honeymoon, adjusting to new family (us along with her stepson), we have never really argued about anything other than a minor spat over adjusting to life with my dog.

So earlier tonight we went to her best friend's engagement party. We had a great time, but early in the evening my wife meets an old friend (a close former co-worker) and she plants a closed-mouth but lengthy kiss square on his lips. I'm a little taken aback, but I let it go. No big deal.

The night goes on, she has a lot to drink, we are saying our goodbyes. We are in the ante-room when my wife sees the same guy and another former co-workwer. She runs over, gives each a big hug and each another long kiss on the lips. Then she locks into an embrace with one of them and starts going on and on about how much she misses them, etc. etc. After at least 60 seconds I try to get her attention, to no avail. She has her arms wrapped around this guy and I am so disgusted I leave the room. After a few minutes she joins me in the next room.

She's oblivious to my feelings, I put on a fake smile and say final goodbyes and we leave. After we are in the car, I tell her that I don't want to get into a fight when she has had too much to drink, but that she needs to know that if I seem upset it is becuase she was practically making out with these two guys, and that even thought I am sure they are very good friends of hers, it upsets me and makes me uncomfortable to see her kiss other men or embrace them in that way, and that I would never do that with another woman, no matter how close a friend she might be.

She tells me I have a jeolousy problem, and that I don't understand how much these friends have done for her in the past and how glad she was to see them. I tell her that I appreciate that friendship, but that I don't care who they are I don't like her kissing them in that way. I basically don't say another thing the rest of the night. She, however, proceeds to yell, cry, scream, hit things, etc. When we get home, she throws a framed picture from the wall to the floor, and throws a lamp down the stairs, with shattered glass everywhere. She's in bed now - I've been looking for marriage counselor's on the internet and plan to sleep in the guest room.

What the heck are we supposed to do now? I've seen a different side of my wife tonight and I am really afraid. If she had just said "I'm sorry - I didn't realize that made you uncomfortable. I'll try to show my affection for my male friends without kissing them on the mouth" then I would have been ok with everything. But her outburst really makes me worry, and I'm wondering whether there are other hidden issues that this should alert me to.
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Old 18th July 2004, 2:23 AM   #2
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Re: My Wife Was Kissing Other Men At a Party - Right in Front of Me

Originally posted by TexasD
her outburst really makes me worry, and I'm wondering whether there are other hidden issues that this should alert me to.
-Valid point. Talk with her tomorrow and see what she says. Give her an opportunity to do it sober. Express your concerns to her that this is inappropriate (which I agree). Then go from there. I would make sure she knew your feelings so that she never does that again.
"Well itís time to go home
And I ain't even done with the night." JcM

Peace, love and tie~dye...I'm out yo!
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Old 18th July 2004, 3:41 AM   #3
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she may not remember

She may not even remember what happened tonight. I know that I have acted pretty loud and abnoxious and have not remembered sometimes things that I had said.

You have every right to be furious. I don't blame you for sleeping in the guest bedroom, but definetly talk to her tomorrow and see her real feelings then.

Good luck and keep us posted
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Old 18th July 2004, 6:40 AM   #4
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People act differently when they are drunk. See if she will remember anything or any one of them when she wakes up. If so, you badly need to see a counsellor. You cannot continue like this. You deserve a better stable family life where you both feel respected, happy and satisfied.
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Old 19th July 2004, 3:01 PM   #5
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First fight, eh?

Be careful, you're about to define your marriage here. For good or bad.

I wish I had the opportunity to be told that 9 years ago.

I think it is/isn't a big deal. It isn't a big deal because I'll bet that's how she's always greeted people. It is a big deal because you don't like it as the husband and you should always be considered first in the marriage.
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Old 19th July 2004, 3:42 PM   #6
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Don't panic.

This may seem horrendous now, but its nothing that needs to end your marriage. If you do need some help with communication -- try the <removed> website.
There is some good information there.

Talk to her. Show her these posts if you want---they demonstrate how upset you are over this, because you love her and value you her and she hurt you. Hopefully she will see that you are reaching out for help.

Last edited by Moderator; 22nd February 2005 at 1:08 AM.. Reason: Removed external URL
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Old 19th July 2004, 4:25 PM   #7
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Hi TexasD,

I used to have a girlfriend that would drink too much and then do reckless stuff like busting up my belongings, etc. Hmmm, she was from Texas too! Not a common trait is it?

Would you have been ok if she had only given her friends a hug? How about a kiss on the cheek? It's interesting how men (and women) have different levels of tolerance when it comes to their significant others having physical contact with others. I know guys who would flip out if another man gave their woman a friendly hug! It's well documented on this forum that I enjoy seeing my wife being flirtatious (among other things) with other men. I'm definitely not going to suggest that you try the things that my wife and I do. I thought you might find it interesting that there was a time in my life when I would've reacted the same way you did. While in my 20's I would've been jealous as hell to see my woman doing something like that. Why would I react differently now? Who knows! Maybe it's my confidence level. I dunno.

Anyway, maybe you guys can iron this out when cooler heads prevail. Maybe it will be a problem for the rest of your marriage and maybe not. Maybe it's something she'll be willing to change and maybe not. Maybe you'll come to a point in your relationship where one day you think, "Hey, this woman gets overly friendly with her buddies but when she goes home with me, there is no other man in her life but ME." I'm hoping that's how it turns out for you. Good luck.
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