GUEST Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 12 years ago, my sister in law visited, decided that, since DH was unhappy (about normal marriage issues like money and frequency of sex), that he should divorce me. He and I ended up arguing so severely over whether she had the right to try to ruin our marriage, that we ended up separated for 9 months. To this day, I feel he failed to stand up for me, defend me, and protect me, against her viciousness. I still don't really trust him to be a loyal and protective husband. I have also learned, just several months ago, that he had a long-term correspondence with a wman he worked with. Several years ago, I accidentally found out he had an e-mail account , full of e-mails from her, which he'd kept secret from me. He eventually told me he got rid of that account because it upset me so much. Several months ago, I stumbled across a second e-mail account, also with e-mails from her, which he'd once again kept secret. Shortly after that, I found 5 years worth of Christmas and birthday cards to him from her. His story changed bit by bit as I pressed him for answers. The eventual story was that she's a good friend who was always there to talk to him, when we were separated. . In short, I still don't feel I've gotten the full truth. In this respect, also, I don't trust him. In most ways, he is a good husband and father. He's just moved halfway across the country so I can be near family. He does many loving and thoughtful things for me, such as bringing me home a chai tea, or breakfast in bed, or giving me a chance to get out of the house for awhile. However, I still harbor a lot of anger at him over the whole sil incident. I think to this day, he really doesn't believe that either one of them did anything wrong, which leads me to believe it could happen again. And I just in general don't trust him. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I think it's time to go to counseling, preferably both of you, or just you if he won't go. This has been going on a long time, and I don't think it's going to go away on it's own. Link to post Share on other sites
GUEST Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 We went to counseling with several different people at the time. It didn't help much, as he didn't want to be there. I asked him numerous times to go to Retrouveille, but gave up on that 5 years ago. I don't even want to go to counseling with him anymore. I am beginning to think about going to counseling on my own, but am not sure how to find the time or money for it. I also would not want him to know I'm going to counseling. He tends to be very determined to make me tell him what I'm thinking and feeling (not that he'll change his behaviors because of it) while keeping all his thoughts to himself. I'm very tired of the one way street, which we'll be back on if he knows I'm going to counseling. I absolutely do not think we can afford a divorce and supporting two households, and I don't want to put my kids through that; that, however, would be my answer to these problems. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I would want to know why it was kept hidden from you all this time (the woman). If she was just a good friend then what would be the problem for you to know what is going on. Divorce is not always the answer, but I would go to counceling for yourself at least. Finding time and money to go is an issue I am currently struggling with as well, as I know I need to go. I hope all is well with you. Sisters in Law can be horrible, my ex sis in law was the devil herself! Let us know how you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 My husband's job had an employee assistance program that paid for my counseling last fall. It's my understanding that many jobs have that, so it might be something worth looking into. Link to post Share on other sites
Amandy Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I am so sorry for you! You know what if your husband didn't do anything wrong why did he hide it from you? Why did he lie to you? Would he like it if you talked so intametely with other men? Why couldn't he just give this woman up? What kind of woman was she anyway? What self-respecting woman would write to a a MARRIED man? He told this woman your private married business. You have every right to be angry! Try writing your husband an email about your feelings, sometimes the written word is heard louder than the spoken. And he does seem to like email so much! Link to post Share on other sites
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