Oroborus Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I think my wife is in denial about our relationship! How can I find out for sure if she still loves me? We both work at the same place but this has never been a problem. We have been very happily married for 17 years and have never had any serious problems of any kind. She enjoys going out to works parties with her colleagues without me which didn't concern me at all until recently when I started to ask her to come out with me for a dance and a drink which is something we haven't done for a while. She says that its not her kind of thing and wouldn't enjoy it! I don't suspect anything particularly, although I am concerned that things may develop if I don't show her that we can still enjoy each others company. I love my wife very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I think that's very sweet!! I think you should tell her that you would enjoy spending some time with her out on the town and ask her what she wants to do. I think love is much too complicated to be analized yes or no like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oroborus Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Thanx Spock I've already asked her but she says she has no time or interest in going on the town, but I know she enjoys her time out with her workmates. 17 yrs is a long time to suddenly find out that there might be a problem with your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Why not? 17 years is not a guarantee for anything! May I suggest since her co-workers are your o-workers too to join the every now and then? It does seem fishy to me saying that "its not her kind of thing and wouldn't enjoy it! "especially since the twoof you have been doing that before and it was nice. In order to have a true answer,look at the other signal she's giving: is she not that affectionate lately, pretty much absent minded, showing anything that might make you either confirm or deny your supposition? People don't just do things. There are always signs, so look around. Maybe there's nothing to worry about and she's just tired and moody. Maybe there is. Play detective and tell us what you've discovered! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oroborus Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 My wife doesn't want me to go with her on the nights out specific to her section which I understand. It's when other people that aren't in her section get invited that I start to worry. I think that a person who loves someone, would jump at the chance to be together when the situation allows especially when we don't get too much time together in the first place. We've talked about this too but she doesn't see it my way. She used to be part time and things were great but then she was pressured into full time and now she is often tired, doesnt spend enough time with our son.....but she tries her best.........and her affections have become routine, if you understand. I am quite sure she is not cheating in the classic way but I still feel cheated out of a relationship with my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 tell her you understand that she's tired and not in the mood, but make her understand it's really important for her to go out with you. To spend time together, also she doesn't feel like it. Someone on the Shack said that the best sex he ever had was when he wasn't really in the mood for it. Maybe you could apply this one too? IT is natural to feel dissapointed and to be a bit jealous, now that she has the full time job . Give her time to adjustto it, I'm sure once the novelty has worn off she'll appreciate more what she's got home and the time spent with you and her son. Link to post Share on other sites
choke Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Originally posted by Oroborus She used to be part time and things were great but then she was pressured into full time and now she is often tired, doesnt spend enough time with our son.....but she tries her best.........and her affections have become routine, if you understand. Looks like this might be the problem right here. Make it unroutine. Wouldn't it be nice if your wife came home from work some day and all the work she is used to having to do has been done? Or maybe you can just get up and do something while you send her and your boy to the park. And pursue her again, just like when you were dating. After all, love is a verb, not a noun. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 There is some good advice about this issue at this link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5069_qa.html Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 The best way to go about this is to write a love letter. I wrote one for my fiancee back a few months ago, out of the blue. I do poetry as well. Though she likes the love letters better. Sounds like the spark is missing, which is understandable at times. Maybe it's also a time for a heart-to-heart talk. Do it in a way where she doesn't feel threatened or gets defensive. Possibly go about it as 'I miss having those fun times with you, doing..' See what her reaction is. Link to post Share on other sites
PUHLEEEEZE... Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Excellent link, Matilda! Golf is my husband's thing, but I have no interest in it at all - I've given him my Enthusiastic Approval that he enjoy it on his own. However, we do absolutely everything else together - my friends are so JEALOUS that I have a guy who gets his feeling hurt when I don't ask him to come with me to the grocery store! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Count me in if your friends are having a "jealousy" party ... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Your post implies that it's your wife's refusal to go out for a drink and a dance with you that has made you doubt her love, and the fact that you have settled into a routine. Is that all there is to it or is there something else? It may simply be that she would prefer to do other things with you, do ask if you have not done so already. Juggling the demands of work and family can be difficult, she may enjoy going out with her workmates because it relieves her of her responsibilities (wife/mother). Could you get a weekend away together? Some time to re-connect without the pressures of day to day life may help. Link to post Share on other sites
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