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I'm Not Religious, So Why Did I Get Married?


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keepontruckin

This question has been plaguing me as of late, since my wife left me four months ago.

 

Now, I'm not a religious person, but I do value the ideals of marriage vows, and honour them and respect them.

 

My wife and I have never been married before, and we are both in our 30's. No children past or present.

 

Dated for 3 1/2 years before marriage. All was perfect.

 

Marriage lasted for a whopping one year, three months before she split :eek:

 

I love you, but am not in love with you speech, et al. Claimed she wanted the "old me." Like the "old me" from two months ago:laugh:

 

So, when I pushed for answers as to why she was unhappy with the relationship, the police notepad in the front pocket of her brain contained dates, times, and infractions... Now, these infractions never did precede the wedding date. It was only through marriage that she started compiling a mental list of my every fault.

 

It's like at my work... You'll get written up if you muck up, and they can use that as ammo to can you, but at least the file get purged every year. And nobody ever gets canned anyhow.

 

So, I honestly think we would've been better off had we not gotten married, since the problems, according to her, started on that date. Now, I initiated the marriage proposals, and I paid for it also.

 

Now, I am questioning if I should ever do such a thing again? As I said, I am not religious, so there is no shame nor necessity to even entertain marriage again. "Common law" rules typically guarantee similar rules anyhow when it comes to property, etc...

 

Perhaps some people think that marriage will transform Clark Kent into Superman? I don't know...

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Well, I am with someone who isn't religious either, but wants to get married. Married for the same reasons you outlined earlier. For many, marriage is not about god, rather commitment.

 

You must have changed dramatically after marrying for her to just leave like that. Don't want to be too personal, but what and how did you change? If she was being sincere and the changes are what precipitated her feelings for you, then it has little or nothing to do with marriage and everything to do with you (and her).

 

Why people change after getting married boggles my mind!

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So, when I pushed for answers as to why she was unhappy with the relationship, the police notepad in the front pocket of her brain contained dates, times, and infractions... Now, these infractions never did precede the wedding date. It was only through marriage that she started compiling a mental list of my every fault.

 

Just by reading ^^^ that part. It looks like she expected You change into the guy she wanted when you got married.

 

Some women think that making a man marry them or having a kid would miraculously change a man.

 

Example, maybe a guy was into playing video games 24/7 before marriage. Now some women think that the man would change/mature/stop playing video games once he gets married.

 

I am not implying you play video games all the time. I am saying it seems like she knew you guys were not matched prior to marriage but she expected you to change and be the man she wanted once you got married and when you didn't change. That's when it hit her that Her plan did not work.

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keepontruckin
You must have changed dramatically after marrying for her to just leave like that.

I didn't change at all! That's the point I wanted to make... (Of course, I'm not perfect either, but we all have our faults)

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keepontruckin

I am not implying you play video games all the time. I am saying it seems like she knew you guys were not matched prior to marriage but she expected you to change and be the man she wanted once you got married and when you didn't change. That's when it hit her that Her plan did not work.

It's not really mentioned here all that much, but I think you are onto something...

 

Now that you post this, I think it becomes clear...

 

I was a man that she was extremely happy with (or so I thought), and I figured marriage would secure things between us.

 

However, she thought marriage would change me into something else...

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keepontruckin

The lesson I've learned is to not get married. If they love you, they'll stick around regardless... A piece of paper makes no difference.

 

I truly loved her, and still do. I wish she would've communicated her desires in a more constructive fashion, but then again I know I'm also stubborn, and tough to love also...

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Just by reading ^^^ that part. It looks like she expected You change into the guy she wanted when you got married.

 

Some women think that making a man marry them or having a kid would miraculously change a man.

 

Example, maybe a guy was into playing video games 24/7 before marriage. Now some women think that the man would change/mature/stop playing video games once he gets married.

 

I am not implying you play video games all the time. I am saying it seems like she knew you guys were not matched prior to marriage but she expected you to change and be the man she wanted once you got married and when you didn't change. That's when it hit her that Her plan did not work.

 

I don't view marriage as a religious thing, just a higher level of commitment. This was our 1st marriage. She plans to marry again, I'm done with marriage. Seems like such a hassle to get out of. We can stay bf/gf for life.

 

My relationship ended after 2 1/2 years together; barely 6 months married. She was fine with everything until we got married it seems. She found someone else(she's gay now), jumped to them(her soulmate) and she's living happily ever after. She did mention some of my faults as why she left.

 

I play games a lot, argue a lot, can be controlling because of my insecurities and I'm an introvert. She was my opposite but did play games with me sometimes. I told her all of these things from the 1st day we talked about being together and she was ok with them. I never expected her to change so idk if she expected me to. Since she's on the other side of the fence now, doesn't really seem like me becoming better in her eyes, would've changed anything.

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