LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Were humans meant to stay monogamous? Married forever?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10th June 2004, 11:25 AM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Heaven, Hell, or Houston
Posts: 9,988
For some people severing the connection is a relief.

You can love someone deeply and still want to have sex with another person. Maybe you find that person sexually more attractive than your own lover. You can deny it all you want, but the urge never goes away. What's the natural thing to do?
amerikajin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 12:34 PM   #17
Unconfirmed Account
 
CurlyIam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3,210
Of course you'll find other people much more attractive than your lover! Lots of them! The same goes fo your partner, don't worry!

But as I said before, cheating is rarely about sex.

Yes, one sees a nice, available appeling and easy piece an a*s... That piece od a*s may even make the move, just to make it harder on you.

Being tempted rises question marks about the relationship. Not finding her attractive, sexy etc, but the actual thought of sleeping with her. Putting your needs first above your relationship.

In the end, it's a personal choice. One may realise the hurt and pain and the sorrow his action will have on the his partner and decide not to "indulge" himself with ths treat.

Other may decide not to do it because it would mean that the instinct is stronger than their reason - intellectual part... English problem here (you're familiar with the expression of thinking with your "head", something like that). There are quite a few reasons people decide to be faithful.



You are not a hypocrite if you don't act upon your urges. At some point, one has to take his responsabilities and stick to it (one of them being not sleeping around). It's not that hard, trust me!

Much harder is when you meet someone more interesting and sexually apealing. That's the threat. Being tempted to switch your partner, not a casual lay.


Curly

P.S. The thought of never sleeping with someone else scares the ***** out of everyone. Not only men live with this fear. But if you're with the right person, have a good relationship, you won't feel the urge. You won't need it. In the beginning because you'd de doing it alot with your girlfriend, in the end because you'd risk leaving her the house, and half of your assets!
CurlyIam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 2:02 PM   #18
Unconfirmed Account
 
CurlyIam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3,210
Ignore my last post, lots of BS

IF you care, you won't do it! 'cause you promised you won't when you got married. What kind of a man are you if you can't keep your promises? Especially to someone whom you love and is the most important in your life.
CurlyIam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 2:28 PM   #19
Unconfirmed Account
 
CurlyIam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3,210
When I say "you" it's not necessarily a man, it's anyone really!
CurlyIam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 3:00 PM   #20
Unconfirmed Account
 
dyermaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: California with an aching in my heart.
Posts: 6,735
Quote:
Originally posted by amerikajin
For some people severing the connection is a relief.

You can love someone deeply and still want to have sex with another person. Maybe you find that person sexually more attractive than your own lover. You can deny it all you want, but the urge never goes away. What's the natural thing to do?
Curly, all of the things you mentioned are learned values, entirely relative to what we've been conditioned to believe. He asked what the natural thing to do was.

I think perhaps we have an evolutionary desire to not cheat on our partners because of a fear of getting our ass kicked?

I honestly don't know, it's a good question.

Did anyone read "Brave New World"? Monogamy was socially unacceptable, and avoided at all costs. It's interesting to examine just how arbitrary all of the morals we hold dear are.
dyermaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 4:50 PM   #21
Unconfirmed Account
 
CurlyIam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3,210
Curly, all of the things you mentioned are learned values, entirely relative to what we've been conditioned to believe. He asked what the natural thing to do was.it?


I've never thought of them as values. But we do have an intellect. Why have planes if in the end we do what rabits do - f*ck around for various reasons?

We don't have not do it, society accepts this phenomena, so in the end there would be no problem, isn't it? IT's the conscience bothering us, that's what it is. And this is why we try to find justifications.The "natural" thing to do in a society finding everyday new ways to exploit women body in order to sell more... Natural... gotta redefine that too I guess!

I think perhaps we have an evolutionary desire to not cheat on our partners because of a fear of getting our ass kicked?


IMO, we never think it's gonna happen to us. Apply that to most cases: from being cheated, to ending up preagant or discovering we have cancer in the last phase...


I'm sorry, I'm a bit morbid today! I've finished the last project for the last subject for my university! The last project for school in my life! I'll go get something to drink, tonight
CurlyIam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th June 2004, 5:29 PM   #22
Unconfirmed Account
 
CurlyIam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 3,210
I'm super b!tchy today, guys, I'm sorry!
CurlyIam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2004, 3:43 AM   #23
Established Member
 
moimeme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Posts: 16,499
The thing is that once you've experienced sex with someone you love and with whom you've become familiar in bed and so know how to please each other, you understand that trading that for a little roll in the hay with an unfamiliar stranger is dumb.

Really, Amerikajin, how many first-time sexual encounters have you had that were earth-shakingly fabulous?
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
moimeme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2004, 10:09 AM   #24
Established Member
 
Matilda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The heart of suburbia
Posts: 752
I so agree with you Moimeme.
Matilda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2004, 11:22 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Wolvesbaned's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 368
I agree with the arse kicking comment. It's theorized that females are the ones that chose the competitive male, for genetic reasons. Strong men back in our primal days were successful hunters, fighters and providers. This still can be seen all throughout nature today.

It's also theorized that it's not in a woman's best interest to "cheat" (back in the caveman days) due to the long pregnancy, shorter lifespan, harsh environment, and violence. Back then it (seemed) that life was a lot more simple: Men took care of their women, women took care of the children and men, men would protect their women from any danger and other men.

Men are more interested in just spreading their seed, whereas women are inherently more selective (we're hard-wired for that). A man couldn't just get any girl back then because he would get his ass-kicked. If in turn he kicked their ass, it would've been for the better in the woman's perspective because he was the stronger male and thus her children would have a greater chance to survive and thrive. It was all genetics.

The problem is that our reality today is lacking the volatile society and harsh environment (hopefully for most of us). We live longer, enjoy the benefits of our capitalist economy and the only ass-kicking we enjoy now is on TV. It's more convenient to cheat.

Are we hardwired to cheat? From a purely genetic standpoint, maybe, if we lived in the caveman days when life was simpler. But if you take reality into account, the complications, the grief, the turmoil, the increased chance for depression and abuse --no we've evolved to know that cheating no longer makes sense. Considering nature & nurture, what's required for development, it wouldn't make sense to cheat because it would put added stress into the lives of our children, which in turn could affect their success in life.

Cheating is more like violent behavior, it's extinct (or should be) in our modern day society --something reminiscent of our primal days. It no longer makes sense.
__________________

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
-Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Last edited by Wolvesbaned; 11th June 2004 at 11:40 AM.. Reason: Added on...
Wolvesbaned is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2004, 12:27 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Matilda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The heart of suburbia
Posts: 752
Quote:
Originally posted by moimeme
I've said my piece on this in the last couple of threads on this topic. I'll just toss my hat in with Enigma. It should not be difficult to exit a marriage; it should be EXTREMELY difficult to marry. IMHO, it is choosing the wrong partner, marrying for the wrong reasons, not understanding what marriage is, and other similar issues which are the downfall of marriage. I think most marriages which end in divorce have been made unwisely.

In short, as for health and almost everything else, focus on prevention rather than cure.
I definitely agree with this too.

You know, this whole thing about marrying, not marrying, monogamy, etc., all comes down to what a person wants their life to be like. How they want to live their life.

Think about when you are on your death bed. How do you want to remember your life? What are the things you hope you accomplished? What are the things you hope people will say about you at your funeral?

My Aunt died recently, and she lived a very simple, country life. She was married to the same man for 60 some odd years, had children, who are now grown and seem to be happy and successful in their lives. At her funeral, many people stood up to say things about her, and everyone who stood up said they were struck by the fact that my Aunt was a good, kind person who never said a bad word about anyone. I think that was a pretty good life.

Now, not everyone wants the same things out of life. Some people make great accomplishments, discover things, etc. We definitely need people to do that. And I'm sure when those people die we will all be grateful for their discoveries. Probably those who do these sorts of things, make sacrifices in the personal lives in order to accomplish them.

I hope that on my death bed, (1) I can know that my children are happy, healthy, and reasonably successful. (2) I can know that I have been a good person (although I struggle daily with this ), respectful, considerate, and kind to others. (3) I hope that my husband and I will have had a successful marriage.

I believe that to accomplish all of those things, it is best to have a monogamous marriage. My husband believes this as well. Plus, I love and respect and care for my husband, and would never want to hurt him. The thought of hurting him makes me physically sick.

Temptation is out there, for sure. I believe, that at least part of the way we resist this temptation, is by avoiding it. Acknowledge it, make a pact with yourself not to give in to it, and don't.

These are the things that are important to me. I am trying to live a more purposeful life than I did when I was younger. So, that means realizing what is important, and taking steps to nurture and protect those things.
Matilda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th June 2004, 1:07 PM   #27
miz_barby
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I think that it is sad that some people find it so easy and so tempting to cheat! If you want to cheat then why not just tell the person you're with you want to be "lovers and friends" then go on about your business? Why string people along?
I have always been a strong believer in trying to work things out, if you can't then just MOVE ON! I agree that cheating isn't usually about sex, maybe on a man's part but usually women cheat (or at least it seems this way) because they are lacking attention from their current man, OR they have such low self worth and esteem that they seek self worth from men, they don't feel worthy or whole unless they have men telling them they are beautiful or making them feel loved and wanted. Usually for girl's like this one man isn't enough because once he starts to get into a routine and not tell her as much or not be as affectionate then she feels the need to search else where! Those of us who love ourselves & our partners enough realize that self worth comes from within and that if we're feeling that something's lacking in the relationship the normal thing to do is communicate or at least try to and if that doesn't work then leave and move on.
I think it's probably a mixture for why men cheat, none the less everyone who wants to cheat or has the urge and knows they want to act on it they need to be honest with their partners so no one ends up hurt from the secrecy! I know this is wishful thinking but honestly it's just common decency as well!
  Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Getting married... forever... thanks to LS Artifact Getting Married 8 30th May 2005 8:03 PM
Married Men Won't Stay Away unimoko The Other Man / Woman 1 13th September 2004 11:35 AM
Should I stay or walk away from a married man? Chrissy21 The Other Man / Woman 90 30th July 2004 12:45 AM
We both married and made mistakes, is destiny meant for us...we still love each other Nevertheless Infidelity 2 19th July 2003 8:18 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:34 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.