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LORD what have I DONE!!! Please help


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
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Old 9th June 2004, 10:20 PM   #16
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Sounds like a marriage made in heaven.
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Old 10th June 2004, 12:10 AM   #17
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Unhappy

From what you said about your husband, Kelly, your relationship doesn't sound very happy at all...and I can certainly understand where you're coming from on the "attention" front..my boyfriend doesn't ever do random nice things for me, and I think in the last 3 years I've gotten flowers twice..once on a birthday and once on Valentine's Day (those are supposed to be "givens" for most gals..right?). When we first got together, I used to leave him sweet notes in his pockets or on his car, but stopped after awhile when all I was getting was a "gee, thanks honey" for it.

Some say it's a "guy" thing, and I think that's just a cop-out. It's not a guy thing, and it's not a girl thing...true, some people have been raised differently in their lives regarding relationships, but when your significant other is telling you that they're seriously lacking in attention, especially stupid little things like notes, calls, flowers, etc., then you need to listen, and listen hard. It is the little things that count in relationships.

Since I'm not in your shoes, or really don't know more than what you've posted, I can't pass judgment on you or tell you what you should do, only what I think that I would consider doing...

First...I would never stand for a man to hit me, not even in the sllightest. You need to realize that he physically touched you in a state of anger, and that's never acceptable...what makes it worse is that you have children...that type of behavior only escalates as the years go by.

If he doesn't pay you any attention, and didn't care to be there when you gave birth to HIS child, and didn't bother to call you back after you went through the trouble of contacting the base security (for all he knew, one of your children or even you could have been in a serious accident or something like that), how much attention does he or will he pay to your children? Is it fair to put them through that as well?

His entire demeanor just sounds fishy...sneaking around, talking to girls on the internet and phone, running up bills that YOU pay for...what else is he doing that you don't know about? If you have a gut feeling, I would go with it, especially after all of his past behavior.

Good luck hon...we all have to go through tough times sometimes, and no matter what anyone else says, or what advice they give you, I know through experience that nothing will change unless you decide that you're ready for it to change. I wish you the best of luck in your future and in your marriage. Stay safe.
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Old 10th June 2004, 3:15 AM   #18
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corrinebean...yeah, it's not a guy or girl thing...it's a romantic thing. Some people are and some people aren't. I used to always assume all women were but I was wrong. I'm a romantic and love doing those things and never get tired of it...it sucks when the female you do it for doesn't take to it. Because I don't want to stop...it is those little things that count.

I would never hit a lady either, not in anger , hehe. It's probably because my arms are oversized 2 liter soda bottles. I had a female friend constantly punch me as hard as she could because she knew I wouldn't hit back, hehe.

I think it's the best though, if you're a romantic and you can find another romantic...neither of you would ever have to stop the little things you do and both would always get those little things that mean so much to you in return. Or of course, it's also good if 2 nonromantics hook up...nothing beats a cold lifeless relationship either
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Old 10th June 2004, 3:53 AM   #19
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Kelly2182

I am proud of you, you did the right thing.

I know how you feel, a lot of us have been there. I was in a similar situation, and let a guy sweep me off my feet. A friend told me then that when you are pacing the cage any piece of meat looks good. Image of me as a proud she tiger comes to mind, watching the world pass by and wondeing if there was something better out there than what I was living then.

I saw what she was trying to say very clearly... When you aren't getting what you need inside of the marriage, it's easy to find yourself pacing the cage looking for something on the outside. But it's not a good thing... But you are pacing the cage for a reason... it is not the disease, merely a symptom.

What he has done to you isn't right either, and you really need get things worked out. I know about the whole Man aversion to counseling, but it wouldn't hurt for you to go... when he sees the change in you he may change his mind, but at the very least, you can decide what you need to be happy.

Good luck
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Old 11th June 2004, 8:16 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by She's Come Undone
pitprincess,

please do not assume that just because someone is fighting for our freedom that they are a good person. sometimes the military is just another job, and people's job do not dictate the kind of person they must be. this man sounds like he has some serious issues, many of which I would not personally put up with.
This is my post and maybe you should read it again

Kelly

You love your husband?
If you love him then stop talking to the online contact right away.

Your husband is serving our country for your freedom as well as ours. Its his job his dedication to what he believes in. My cousin has been gone for a very long time and he has not been able to contact back home like he would like either. But that don't mean your husband does not love you.
The online contact knows your husband is gone right now?
It sounds like he is romancing or trying to while the husband is gone.
this is just my opinion nothing more

If there is anything in this post that says he is a good person It did not come from me~
Its always good not to assume someone is saying something that isn't being said


Kelly Good luck to you
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