GOLDIE_LOCKS Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Hi Everyone - I am new here & very thankful to have found this website! I got married in December of 2002. I met my husband in September of 2000. We dated from December of 2000 continuously until we were married. When I met my husband, i was 15 - he was 29. When I turned 15, I got a job at an amusement park here in town. At the time, I was hanging out with a 22 year old guy (one of my brother's friends). I was always a bad girl - I started doing things with guys when I was like 12. The 22 year old guy (we'll call him Danny) was always at my house and was always very nice to me. Danny & I started to hang out without my brother. One night, Danny & I were watching a movie on the couch at my parents house. He started tickling me and we ended up with him laying on his back on the couch & me with my back to his stomach - he had my arms pinned playfully - & we kissed. It was then we started spending more time together, doing more things se*ually with each other. I was a vir*in, he wasn't. One day, he picked me up from driver's ed & we went to a park. We ended up having s*x in his truck. We continued to see each other after that, but every time we were together, we would have s*x - sometimes even in the driveway outside my parent's house. (crazy, I know!!) Danny & I had fun, but I never knew if he cared about me, or if it was just s*x This whole time I was working at this amusement park & still dating guys from work as well. Well, not really dating, but messing around with them. Eventually, I was fired from my job b/c of messing around while at work. Because I was a minor, and the guys weren't, my employer made me tell my parents. My mom took me to the doctor to be checked out - thinking the time at work was my first.. I had no idea that what I told the dr. wasn't confidential. The dr. asked how many partners I had - I was honest and told her 3. She told my mother & she demanded to know who they were. I told her that it was Danny & two guys from work. She immediately told me that if she ever saw me talking to Danny again that she would send him to jail. I wrote him a note - told him that they knew and I couldn't see him anymore. He accepted it - he never tried to call or speak to me again. This was in September of 2000. I have seen Danny off and on at church occasionally. He would come once every six months or so. My mother eventually told him that she forgave him & everything was fine with them. But, now, Danny has a girlfriend & they are wanting to get married in our church, so they have started coming to our church every Sunday. I don't have feeling for Danny anymore, but it's just very awkward to be at church and have someone there that has seen you naked, that is not your husband!!! Danny & I don't speak to each other. My mother asked me today why I never talk to him at church. She says that we always look very awkward and look away if we pass by each other. My husband doesn't seem to mind him coming to church - he is secure and knows that I want to be with him & that Danny is just someone from the past. My question is - how am I supposed to concentrate on church when I've had S*x with someone in the room that is not my husband?!?! Hopefully, they will just come long enough to get married, then go back to her church. Sorry this is so long, it's just a complicated story - thanks for listening & I appreciate any and all advice! Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Well... maybe you could listen to the sermon & pray that god takes sex off your mind. I once had a secret boyfriend - I worked with him and nobody knew that we ended up living together. He still stops in and it doesn't bother me at all... I guess it's all about how you feel. It sounds like you feel guilty over it. So.. maybe you could talk to him one day or write him a short note saying how awkward you feel but that you just want him to know that you're past all that. Or something - something to kind of acknowledge it with him that way you can stop thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GOLDIE_LOCKS Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 You're probably right about the guilt. I just feel like how am I supposed to be comfortable with him across the church looking at me, and me knowing that he's seen me naked. I mean, usually I just hug up to my husband and try to remember that I am married now, and I'm forgiven and all that is behind me. I guess it might take me a while to get over the awkwardness. Yesterday, after church, I was talking to my parents & we were walking out together. Danny & his GF were in the aisle and my mom stopped to say hi. I didn't want to feel awkward so I stopped and hugged Danny's mother, spoke to her for a moment, then walked by Danny without saying anything. Not being rude, just not wanting it to be awkward for his new GF. My mom asked me today why I didn't say anything to him. She said he was looking everywhere but at me & I was looking at the floor as I walked by. Maybe we both feel the same awkwardness about having moved on, but still seeing someone at church.... Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 I'm sorry, I'm trying to read your post but everything I get to: When I met my husband, i was 15 - he was 29. My jaw hits me in the chest and I have to start all over again. Anyway...say hey to Danny next time you see him in church and don't be ashamed of your past. You have nothing to worry about. Believe it or not, most people when they get married have been seen naked my others...(hey...I was talking about my sweet old mom you pervs!!) Peace....and god bless your husband Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Hey at least you didn't almost lose your virginity on the church bus -- like me Worse things will happen. Keep focused on why you are there and don't stray from those thoughts. If you simplay cannot focus on religion due to this, then look into taking action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GOLDIE_LOCKS Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 On the church bus?!?! WHEW!!! I feel better now!!! Thanks for the replys everyone. It's just awkward - hopefully they won't be there that much longer, but if they are, i'll just have to get used to it. Hopefully, he's seen many more girls naked since me and doesn't remember what it looks like. haha Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Originally posted by GOLDIE_LOCKS I just feel like how am I supposed to be comfortable with him across the church looking at me, and me knowing that he's seen me naked. Who says he's sitting there looking at you? You only THINK he is. Maybe he's concentrated on the sermon, and God, and his upcoming marriage. Don't assume he's sitting there with his fiancee, thinking back to when you were naked. I doubt very much it even crosses his mind. I would think he's going to church for other reasons, namely, God. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GOLDIE_LOCKS Posted May 4, 2004 Author Share Posted May 4, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 Who says he's sitting there looking at you? You only THINK he is. Maybe he's concentrated on the sermon, and God, and his upcoming marriage. Don't assume he's sitting there with his fiancee, thinking back to when you were naked. I doubt very much it even crosses his mind. I would think he's going to church for other reasons, namely, God. Just so you get things straight, i don't KNOW that they are getting married - it's just my assumption, because there is no other reason why they would be coming to our church - her father is a pastor, so if they weren't wanting to get married in our beautiful church, they wouldn't be coming. I didn't mean to make it look like he was sitting there staring at me the whole time - We just run into each other in the hallway or at the altar or outside the restrooms - it's just awkward to be in the church and have someone there that you've slept with that's not your husband. I mean, I know it was before I met my husband and everything, but it's just an awkward situation. Danny & I don't speak to each other - we both look down at the floor or away when we walk by. Link to post Share on other sites
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