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Ice Cream Melt Down: Vent


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Came home from work last night and wife had had a tough day with 2 sick kids, stuck at home, and unable to exercise, which is paramount for her.

 

Saw her dressing to leave to get some icecream and told her I would run to the store for her to pick it up.

 

She only eats one kind (flavor and brand) and they were sold out. I funked up here....brought home a surrogate and gave it to her in a bowl, rather than in the container which is her typical MO, reasoning that she would be ok with it.

 

She ate the portion I gave her, then, when attempting to refill her dish, discovered my ruse and completely lost her s**t. Took the dish outside and heaved it against the garage, then proceeded to attempt to force herself to regurgitate what she had ingested.

 

She asked to be left alone, then would chase me down to berate me further. Her main claim is that I should kept my actions out of her "crazy" and what was I thinking trying to pull the ruse I did.

 

Admittedly, I screwed up. I was too tired to go to another store, but didn't want to disappoint her. In retrospect, it would have been far easier to go to the other store...

 

Now, before the trolls crawl out from under the bridge and rip into my wife with stuff they wouldn't dare say to my face, know that I love this woman.

 

Putting up with this is wearing thin though, and I feel I may just be working too hard to do for her. In light of the other issues we are having, I just want do nice things for her and help her.

 

I do not feel, nor in my estimation would any rational person, that my ruse warranted the response given. And I feel unappreciated and indignant that she now attempts to return to her "normal" without addressing what happened (she has acted as though nothing happened all day).

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I don't know your history so I'm just going to answer based on your story:

 

#1) Your wife's reaction was completely overboard and a bit nuts...

 

#2) What you did was terrible. She was willing to go and get her own ice cream - but you wanted to be nice and be the sweet hero - so you go but it's sold out, so instead of actually taking the deed that you wanted to accomplish far enough to actually accomplish it - you decide that 'oh, well I don't want to go and try to find it in another store - that's possibly 5 minutes away'

 

so that totally sucked on your part. If you want to be the sweet let me do this for you guy - then do it!

 

I would be upset because I would have thought "well if it was sold out, I would have had no problem going further to get what I wanted"

 

instead you tricked her - and you knew that for whatever reason (I'm guessing she's conscious about her weight or something) that it's the only brand she wanted - but you tricked her instead.

 

I would be very annoyed and upset because no one likes to be tricked and your little be nice attempt showed how you wouldn't even really try if it called for it.

 

Also, you said it yourself, she's stressed and tired from dealing with 2 sick kids all day - so I can see how anything that annoyed her would be magnified.

 

But in the end - NOTHING warrants and justifies what she did.

 

Also just the fact that she was trying to throw up what she had definitely screams eating disorder, or some other serious kind of imbalance/disorder.

 

I was replying solely based on your story - but I saw another poster comment on her having issues in the past and refusing to get help - if that's true - then I'm sorry, but you know you need to address those things before they get much worse - especially since you have kids together...

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She needs more help than a message board can offer. You, too, need help, because you are an integral part of the dynamic--provoking, enabling.

 

Schedule an appt with a counselor. If she won't go with you, go alone.

 

If you are leaving her alone in care of children, it is truly imperative that you schedule that appt.

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