My wife says she may not love me anymore

[jack1970]

Hi, I really hope someone can help. I have been reading many of the other posts and I would like some advice from someone who has been here!!!

Today my wife of 8 + years told me that she still loves me but she is not sure if she is "in love with me" and she has felt unsure about that for several years now. I knew that we had very minor problems and from what I understand all couples do but we seldom had any major arguements. I think the world of her and really want to work things out but she says she does not know what is wrong and she does not think it is any thing I have done and that she does not know of anything I should do different. She drove away a couple of hours ago saying she had to think and that she would be back tonight. But I am really devastated and confused. What do I do now?

 

We have a son who was adopted and she told me that her loss of feelings began soon after we got him. We both love him very much and I would never regret the decision to have him.

Please someone help. She is having some problem sleeping and her doctor prescribed some antidepressants that have a sleep pill included. I am trying to get advice before it is too late.

[Thinkalot]

Hello Jack. My heart goes out to you. I am not in your situation, however I understand it must be very hard.

 

I think, without knowing your wife, that the main thing you two need to do, is to talk through all your feelings, and try and find out what it is your wife may feel is 'missing' from your marriage. Counselling can also help you sort through things, and is certainly worth doing, before making any drastic decisions here.

 

Maybe there are changes you both can make to make the marriage more rewarding and 'sparky' again. Perhaps there are other issues linked in with your child. I don't have the answers, but I sure hope you can work together to find them.

 

Be open, be a good listener, encourage her to talk. Tell her how committed you are.

 

Good luck.

[jack1970]

Thanks for your support.

[Thinkalot]

That's what we're here for. Please let us know how you get on. Sending you positive energy.

[moimeme]

Have a read through <URL removed> Ask your wife if she'll do the exercises and readings with you.

[Thinkalot]

Yep, that's a good site and might prove a starting point.

[allornothing]

What is it with this "I love you, but I'm not I'm not IN love with you" bull people try to get away with these days? Sorry, not buying it... it's ruse to keep you hooked while she finds something she thinks is better. By saying it, she thinks she is being "noble" and "saving your feelings" while trying to look like a good person instead of a selfish wench. Same goes for those who say they are "in love" with 2 people... NOT!!! Even if it is possible, is that REALLY the kind of person you want to spend your life with?

[Moose]

Jack,

This has happened to me before too....so, I started dating her again. I'd call from work and ask her if she could get a sitter and have dinner and movie with me, sent her roses without letting her know who sent them until I got home, gave her cards....it wasn't all that bad for her after a while. She started to remember why she fell in love with me in the first place.

 

Just try to break her away from the everyday routine, stir some kind of excitement around there....buy her a puppy or a kitten...take her breath away again Jack...how did you guys meet and what did she see in you then? Try to recreate those feelings somehow....

 

Let me know how it goes!!! We're all pullin' for ya Brother!!!

 

Dennis