moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 In the 'piece of paper' thread, Thinkalot brought up the concept of what one feels about being a 'wife'. That got me wondering: what image/feelings does the idea of being a 'wife' give you? Or, for the gents, what image comes to mind when you think of having a 'wife'? To forestall the cynics, I'd ask that you convey what you thought a 'wife' would be before life smacked you in the face with whatever harsh reality you're living with now. Link to post Share on other sites
dancemachine Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Wife to me means being taken care of, being cherished, coming before all others; and letting the person you are married to know you feel the same way about them. Tough job - I've "failed" twice before, but think I've just about got it right this time! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I'm getting married in August and a wife means a having a best friend, lover and partner for the rest of my life. Someone I can count on no matter what circumstances arises and that she will always be there for me. Someone who wants to take care of me but also knows she can rely on me as well. Someone to have complete faith and trust into. Someone who I can argue with but knows her love for me has not lessened any. Someone who's willing to compromise because she loves & cares for me so much. Someone who will still let me be myself and not change me. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme To forestall the cynics, I'd ask that you convey what you thought a 'wife' would be before life smacked you in the face with whatever harsh reality you're living with now. LOLOL! I'm sooo glad you qualified this! Before I was married I thought a wife was a partner. Someone who would share decisions and heartbreak and joy with her husband. I thought of marriage like a business and the husband was the CEO in charge of things like yard work and taking out the trash and opening lids, and the wife was the President in charge of the children and the home. She made the decisions about how the house would be decorated and how the children would be clothed and would set up the daily routines. I thought that they would make decisions like going to the zoo and buying a new car, or replacing a mattress together. I saw the wife as being the care-taker and nurturer 80% of the time. I thought the husband would be the major bread winner for the family and his career would come first, but I knew I would need to work also. I saw the wife as making more superficial sacrifices for the sake of the marriage. What I mean is, in some tribes the women prepared the meals and they did not eat until all of the men had been fed and did not want any more food. Sometimes, if there was not a lot of bounty that year, the women would go hungry--but they sacrificed their hunger for the men because the men needed to be strong in order to hunt and provide the food in the first place. I thought this was sad, but noble in a way until I was talking with someone from one of the tribes. She told me what her mother told her and what had been passed down through the generations. Sure, some women would be a little hungry sometimes, but not much or often because those who do the cooking must also taste, no? That is what I mean by superficial sacrifices. I had very traditional, old-school ideas and values toward the role of wife and husband in a marriage. Boy, was I ever wrong!!!! My marriage could not be more opposite of my original vision. Oh yeah, and love each other almost unconditionally too. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I think, by design, a wife is someone who enters a man's life not to make him what she wants him to be, but to support who he was before she came along. Unfortunately, life can take it's toll and he can change. Then, she can either accept that change or make a decision that she can no longer support him. To borrow a couple of Bible phrases....I feel once you can no longer live peacibly with a person and feel 'unequally yolked'....it time to make some serious decisions. I wanted to say all that because I don't think leaving a marriage makes someone 'less' of a wife. It means she simply isn't the right wife for HIM any longer. She is doing both of them a disservice by staying. She is still allowing him to be who he is....but without her personal support. If I were a man, I would RATHER my wife leave me than to make me miserable by trying to change me or bickering all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Ball and chain. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by DebraLee SLAVE LOL! I was going to post the same thing in an attempt to bust moi's ovaries a little. Having a woman post it up kind of takes the wind out of my sails though. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 my idea might be a bit far fetch know that people dont really do or believe in the 50/50 and that finding a good person is hard these days, but i'm still young so i can hope for now. anyways, my view of a spouse is someone who is caring, kind, understanding, someone that i can talk to and share my life with. a marriage isnt something to be take lightly so i would want that person to be loyal and honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 It's funny how Arabes took something out of the Bible and in the same message said Divorce is an OK option. It's not. A Wife is a helpmate. We are to, "Leave thy Mother and cling to thy Wife". When someone says, "the other half", that is the most accurate statement one can make about his Wife. We are to love our Wives as we love ourselves. We wouldn't cut a perfectly good right arm off would we? Yes there will be disagreements and fights, but , ( And this is directed to Arabes ), we shouldn't give up and run away from our problems. Recently, as a matter of fact it was yesterday, I started having thoughts that maybe my wife was cheating on me or growing out of love with me. I could of just locked it up inside and never bring it up, outright accuse her, or just plain leave. I opted to talk to her about it. After all, I can talk to myself in a reasonable manner, so I should be able to do the same with her right? She could've gotten angry, or hurt that I didn't trust her. But you know what? She understood that these were only thoughts and that she was the one who had the behavior that led me to those thoughts. She didn't get defensive, she didn't yell, she didn't throw stuff at me. Debra Lee and amerikajin, I have a quote for you two that I use all the time on my boys. "REAL MEN DO DISHES". It ain't womens work people, Wives aren't SLAVES or a Ball and Chain, we all have areas in our life that we take control of. I certainley wouldn't want to come home and find my Wife under the Vette changing the oil, and she definitley would kill me if I try to do the laundry again. But anyone can do the dishes or take out the trash. And last but not least, I for one don't believe that Marriage is NOT a 50%/50% endeavour, It's a 100%/100% journey through live in which my Wife is a co-pilot. Not in front of me and not behind me. Beside Me. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by Moose "REAL MEN DO DISHES". I have always chuckled at this because my husband will do the dishes, but not to my satisfaction! He seems to be blind to washing the other side of the plate or pot - he only washes the side that touches the food! LOL ! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Hokey, Are you sure he isn't do this on purpose to get out of doing them? That used to be an old trick of mine, but now I have five kids to do them........hehe Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by Moose Hokey, Are you sure he isn't do this on purpose to get out of doing them? That used to be an old trick of mine, but now I have five kids to do them........hehe SSSSSHHHH! C'mon, we can't give up all our secrets dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 ooopssss.....sorry, Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 It was a joke, moose. Link to post Share on other sites
NotaBadGuy Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Not that my past expereince has been my best indicator, I still believe this belief to be true of a wife in my opinion --> A wife is someone to hold, someone to cherish, someone to help, someone to help me, someone to listen, someone to cry to and not be ashamed, someone to laugh at, someone to laugh with, someone who lights up the room with a smile, someone, who lights up the room no matter what, someone who knows your flaws, someone who accepts your flaws and insecurities, someone who picks you up when you are down, someone who loves you unconditionally, someone who supports you no matter whether you are right or wrong, someone who makes you smile just to hear thier voice, someone who is passionate about life and what it represents, somone who you think of miles away, someone you can't wait to see, someone who makes the heart grow fonder just to hear her voice, someone who knows how to handle conflict, someone who wants US to succeed, somone who sees the unity as a WE thing, someone who is not afraid to be who they want to be, and the list can go on and on. I learned from my grandparents what I wanted in a wife. To this day, when my 90 yr old grandmother speaks of my granddad, there is a twinkle in her eyes. When he was in the nursing home, she spent 8 hours a day sitting there reading, tending to him, and sitting, even though he could not speak and was paralized on on side from a stroke. They each treated each other like king and queen. There was not a thing each would not do for each other. If I could find a woman even half of what my grandmother represents, then I would be truly blessed. Just my thoughts though. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 To me it means security, comfort, warmth, being part of a team...part of something bigger than myself. A true and solid partnership. Someone to love me, look out for me and protect me and help support me. Someone for me to love look out for, help protect and support. Having a husband to share dreams with, fight with, play with. It also means maturity and responsiblity for some reason...that's the impression I have that also comes with the word, even though I think that is some sort of societal conception that I have simply absorbed...I don't really think I will become any more mature! And I've had to be responsible for years now. Nice thread Merry. P.S. notabadguy, i really like your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
asiangirl Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 he wants a wife that worships him and totally depends on him. Basically he wants to be the center of the wife's universe. He flat out said the reason we're not engaged is because he feels that I am not "passionately in love" with him enough and that I do not express my need of him enough. I said I love him and want him around but I don't "need" him. I find the word need a sign of dependency and therefore an eventual burden. I would want someone to be with me because they love and want me but not because they need me. Then he said he does not want an independent woman, he wants a woman that would change and constantly improve for him. Is this what men really want? Some helpless girl that they can mold and sculpt to their liking? If that's true I think I'll stay single for the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Juggs Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Before marriage, I thought being a wife was to be a friend, a confidant, a helper, fellow bread-winner, lover, mother and "partner in crime".... You know, 2 people sharing a life together, watching and helping each other grow, supporting each other when there isn't enough strength to support themselves.... Drying each others tears, sharing each others joys and quieting each others fears. After marriage.... Seems I was grossly mistaken... according to my husband, my job is to make sure he is sexually satisfied 24/7/365 and that's about all he seems to be concerned with... Oh yeah, and a travel partner. How incredibly unfulfilling and disappointing. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Sorry it ain't the ideal. It rarely is. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 W.I.F.E. Wash Iron F*ck Etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Asian Girl and Juggs, Sounds to me that your men need a lesson huh? Asian Girl, I don't know about other men and I can't speak for them. But I desire my Wife to be loving and understanding to the point to where she WANTS to depend on me and WANTS to be around me. I don't want her to worship me and be at my beckoned call, ( I will eventually get lazy and not be able to fend for myself ), it sounds to me he's got a posessive attitude and he will eventually smother you. Juggs, what a bummer!! If I were you I would buy him a remco pocket pus&y and say, " Here, I'm on strike" Link to post Share on other sites
Juggs Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I honestly don't understand how people do the marriage thing multiple times.... If I ever end up divorced, I will NEVER sign up for this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 NotABadGuy, That is really nice. I know what you mean when you see an elderly couple that still have that magic. It's a fine thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moimeme Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Then he said he does not want an independent woman, he wants a woman that would change and constantly improve for him. Is this what men really want? Some helpless girl that they can mold and sculpt to their liking? If that's true I think I'll stay single for the rest of my life. One man is not all men. You landed a loser. For heaven's sakes, do NOT marry this man!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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