Please Help? Advice?

[Guest]

This may be stupid but I just want to vent and ask for advice. My H & I have been together for 20 years. Married 13. This last year has been quite stressful - new job, move, husband having testotrone problems, me not working for the first time in 18 years, ect. We are both in our late 30's. I am happy to be home and not have to work ect and be a stay at home mom. 1 child that is 8, so they are in school during the day. This summer we had some friends over and it turned out to be a consuling session! Things came out I did not even know, he had been unhappy ( granted he had told me that MANY times and I had been trying to do better) I have been cooking ALOT and trying to keep the house picked up better, ect... I did not know how missierble he had been. After THis I really put an effort into it, but got no appreciation for it, I guess he felt like he had asked for it for so long that he did not need to tell me what a great job I was doing. In Oct. we went on a trip, for fun but all business people, so I basically was told that the trip was not for me and it was for the other people, which I got that and understood but all I wanted was 5 minutes of romatic time with him (we were at a beach resort). We fought the entire trip - He said he was miserable ect.. When we got back I wrote a long letter and told him how I felt ( it is very hard for me to talk face to face it does not come out right or I dont know what to say) I told him how much I loved him and I would do anything for him and I apoligized for the last years ect... I thought everything was ok, but I always have to tell him first that I love him and when I really fix myself up he never comlements me or anything, I know If I say anything it will get turned around on me like I am having a PITY Party and is that all I do is sit around and think of things to stay mad at him about. I had put on about 20lbs after the move and then lost it and this xmas put some back on and I am trying to lose it, Even though I am not that big I know he hates the way my body looks and I know that he has been looking at porn on his computer and trying to hide it and I feel like S*** when we have made love this last 2 weeks because I know he is ONLY HORNY from the porn. We had an issue before Xmas where he had gone to a strip club and did not come home until 2:00am then lied about it and we made love and it was great, I felt great, loved ectI thought he was making love to me because he wanted ME?.. THen the next day he addmited that he had gone there and I got pissed about him lieing and my self estem and everything from the night before just went into the toliet. Then when I tried to explain how I felt and hurt I was I was being stupid and it did not mean anything and that he didnt have to tell me the truth and wish he hadnt, said his other friends woldnt act like this. I have been so sad and depressed lately, I dont like to talk to people about this kind of stuff, not even my best friend. We are suppose to be the perfect couple. I can cry for no reason, I just feel unloved and when I try to say something ,he says I just make up stuff to feel bad about, and that is not it at all. I am sorry this is such a long post but I needed to write it out. I am just looking for advice on how to approach this so it does not get turned around on me again and turned into a fight, what should I say??

[moimeme]

Would your husband go to counselling with you? It's fine that he got all his grievances out last time, but now you deserve a turn.

[hants]

Hi, I had to reply to this because you sounded so low, I thought I was. Lol

It does sound like your hubby has got into a way of thinking that you are part of the furnature. You sound like you are a very loving, caring person. Your husband sounds a bit self obsessed, not noticing your efforts. You have been making huge efforts and you have loads on your plate. You really have to start doing things for yourself, not for hubby.

Build on your self esteem, dress up, new haircut. The guys wont keep there eyes off you. Soon hubby will want some of the action…..