GoodHubby Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 This interesting thread by Mr. Lucky awhile back http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/101884-i-pay-my-wife-sex-5.html is too old to have new posts. I'm wondering if things are still working well? Have others tried it and if so what results did you both have? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'm suprised no one has any thoughts. The original thread is back a few years. Does it seem risky to pay your spouse for sex? Anyone tried this and had things go well? Badly? What about paying for housework? They aren't the same type of thing, but fall into the catagory of things some people expect as part of the marriage. I didn't want to repost the original topic, but its a good intro on things. I'm hoping the OP (Mr Lucky) of that thread responds her, since he started the convo. Thoughts from anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Here's a link to the start of the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/101884-i-pay-my-wife-sex I goofed on the original post and linked to the last page of the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
3DRocks Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'll jump in - sounds risky but REALLY interesting! What about when she wants to initiate, as she wants more money, but you don't. Is she going to take it personal and get frustrated? How are you going to pay for it, like do you have to work more? Who's idea was it? If it was yours is it because you don't feel your getting enough attention in that area? Do you guys just have a different sex drive? Are you treating her right? If it was hers, why does she need/want the extra money? I'd definately like the option of more sex with my spouse, but who wouldn't. This even has some overrtones of fantasy to it, which is appealing. I'm on the fence overall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Actually, it was her idea. She wants more money to spend on crafts and whatever. She's a stay at home mom and I work full-time. We have a joint account that we both use. I feel like it would be fun to give it a try, but it seems kinda weird to pay for something that we do any way. I would like to increase our frequency though. I'm not sure how I'd feel if she suddenly has no problem being in the mood, because she's getting obvious monetary gain. Hurt comes to mind. As far as I know I'm treating her well. Both our sets of parents think she is. I help out with meals (cooked almost all the lunch and dinners this past Fri-Sun), keep up with kiddos (bedtimes, enforcing chores, etc). That type of stuff. Any other ideas or thoughts? Shes mentioned it more than once. Link to post Share on other sites
3DRocks Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Wow! She's the one who suggested it? Maybe you should give it a try for like 2 months or something. Does she have any concerns? Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 It sounds like one more way that women will degrade themselves these days. If your wife is that type, it may work well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 She hasn't said she has any concerns. She talked to two of her friends and they thought it was a good idea. Their input might be biased. StellarW can tell me more about how you think it degrades her or women in general? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Is there extra money for crafts and whatever? If the money is available, why does she need to trade money for sex? If she is willing to have sex more, why do you need to trade sex for money? Seems unnecessary to me. Unless she gets off on it, and then whatever floats her boat Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 OP, you could have some fun with this. Do some hooker fantasy role-playing stuff. Nothing like a couple c-notes tucked into her garter Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Yes, she has extra money. We have a joint account, buy she gets 'mad money' to spend how she wants. Its over a hundred a month. One of the things excites me about the idea is doing some more adventurous things. We haven't talked to see what all options she is thinking of, so I best not put the cart before the horse. A friend and I were discussing this and their opinion was that it sounds like a good idea. In their mind it gives both people what they want and more importantly involves communication. Better than letting resentment grow for each person, not having their desires/needs met. Link to post Share on other sites
3DRocks Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 So what have you decided? There's a lot of lurkers of this thread who are curious you know. Link to post Share on other sites
kizmet74 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 So if you pay her for sex when you want it, does she pay you for sex when she wants it?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 I'm hoping to talk with her this weekend. That's a great idea! I'm just not sure how often she'd ask. I have a bigger sex drive than she does, so in the end it would probably be her getting all the money still. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Couple of ideas : - ask her to monitor her feelings on the matter and discuss it with her - make sure that what you can pay for this is 'disposable income' to both of you - pay her in cash, it will seem more real putting the money on the nightstand and you can do what carhill suggested together - maybe get into the role later on; book a hotel room over the night and give her a call, pretend she is a callgirl - you could roleplay with her; she is your mistress and you are 'cheating on your wife' Be carefull with the feelings stuff, i assume you will separate normal lovemaking from this 'just business' stuff. Be carefull you don't ask for something she dislikes and she ends up resenting you later on. Do the things she likes during normal lovemaking to compensate from the focus being on your satisfaction during this experiment. I'll BM this thread, i need to remember this ideea for later on. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 This interesting thread by Mr. Lucky awhile back http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/101884-i-pay-my-wife-sex-5.html is too old to have new posts. I'm wondering if things are still working well? Have others tried it and if so what results did you both have? My husband doesn't have to pay me for sex. I LOVE SEX WITH HIM AND DO IT FOR FREE LOL WHENEVER WE WANT!!! I don't understand why all women don't love sex, but I suppose if they don't but want to be paid for it by their husbands, who am I to judge? My hubby pays me for going to the gym, with ice cream lol!!! It works for us! (I'm not all that fond of the gym and greatly enjoy ice cream, so we made a deal if I go to the gym with him and work out well at least 3 times a week, I can eat ice cream once a week yay!!!) Marriage is all about compromise. Before getting married, I decided when I went to the gym, and also ate ice cream whenever I wanted. However, with my husband, we decide things together, and before I married him, I knew his expectation of wanting a healthy wife who was not fat, and so I agreed to his helping me not become fat. Our gym 3 times a week for ice cream once a week is a nice compromise for us. (I don't want to be fat, but I don't want to give up ice cream lol.) Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 This interesting thread by Mr. Lucky awhile back http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/101884-i-pay-my-wife-sex-5.html is too old to have new posts. I'm wondering if things are still working well? Have others tried it and if so what results did you both have? Must be karma as I haven't posted on or visited LS in a while. GoodHubby, it was a kind of game we played for 6 months or so to get ourselves back on track. Like I said in the original thread, wish I could say I was smart enough to have designed the "program" and figured it all out in advance but it was something we just stumbled into. And boy, not only was there fun to be had but it probably saved our marriage, pulling us out of the armed camps we'd both settled into. The benefits persist to this day even though the payments don't. Once I figured out the value in my spouse having equal say in our finances, the "pay to play" scenario lost its appeal for both of us. I was arrogant, figuring that "since I made the money, I'd decide how it was spent", in hindsight at least partially a reaction to having both my parents pass in a short period of time after they'd struggled financially for a good part of their lives. Didn't want that to happen to us but didn't really open up to my wife about what I was going through. Live and learn. The only endorsement of the concept I can give is that, in our specific situation, it worked for us. There are obvious pitfalls and implications, many of which LS posters (gleefully in some cases) pointed out in the original thread. And I got some "pimp/whore" PM's down the road that would give a more sensitive person hurt feelings. Literally, YMMV... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Great that it worked for you, and a nice lesson to remember. She thought you had too much power in the relationship basically, or felt that. The other way to put it is that she removed sex from the table to bring you back to the negociating table [pay for sex brought you there inadvertantly], have you talked to her about this ... quite manipulative tactic ? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Great that it worked for you, and a nice lesson to remember. She thought you had too much power in the relationship basically, or felt that. The other way to put it is that she removed sex from the table to bring you back to the negociating table [pay for sex brought you there inadvertantly], have you talked to her about this ... quite manipulative tactic ? I don't know that her withdrawal was that calculated. I pretty much shut her out and I don't think most women (or maybe just most people) respond with more intimacy and sex under those circumstances... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoodHubby Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Mr L, I'm glad you were able to find this thread and post to it. That's great to hear how things worked out and the benefits to both of you in strengthening communication and involvement. The money part is hard for me to judge for us. She does feel like she should get more 'allowance' than she gets now and she also recognizes my sex drive is higher than hers. We have joint accounts and she is free to buy whatever the household needs. I feel that we both make money, even though the paycheck comes in my name. If she wasn't tending to the kiddos and household, I wouldn't be able to work the hours I do and I wouldn't have gotten promotions and such. So in my view, I don't make all the money we both do. Her 'allowance' is over $125 a month to spend how ever she sees fit, with no strings attached. She thinks that's not enough, where as I feel like thats plenty, given we buy presents and everything else out of the main account. I think we just need to make sure we are communicating about our expectations and how we can support each other in positive ways. Still haven't had a chance to chat with her yet. This weekend was really busy and last night one of the kids got food poisoning, so we took turns on 'barf patrol'. Not real sexy, but definitely important to take care of! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 That's great to hear how things worked out and the benefits to both of you in strengthening communication and involvement. So much of what happens in a relationship revolves around perception and we each obviously had our own ideas regarding what was going on and who was at fault (hint - not me!). So the money was just a scoring system, we could have just as easily been exchanging IOU's or colored stones. And you're right, better communication and involvement resulted. And damn, it was fun too! In this day and age, $125 seems really low. Don't know your income category but that amount doesn't generate much personal freedom or "no strings attached" fun... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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