Issues with my relationship/marriage.

[peace-maker17]

Hi All,

 

I'll start with some background, my wife and I have been married 9 years, we have a 9 month old son. My wife works 1 day a week (xray tech) and keeps our son at home. She is a great mother and does a great job. I am in the high tech industry and work full time making the majority of our salary. I make a very good salary and I also do a professional ice cream truck on the side for fun/extra money, we do parties, events, have a vending machine etc in a park for some extra income. I have worked extremely hard on the Ice Cream business as well as my professional career often working 8-9 to 5 and then getting home late after 3-4 hours of selling ice cream. I've backed off this lately because I don't want to miss my son growing up and I miss time with my wife. I have felt the need to work harder since our son was born.

 

My wife has reluctantly helped me with the Ice Cream truck, i'm beyond passionate about it and she is not. We accept credit cards, have an Ipad register, it's a high tech business doing very well. She is obviously more concerned about raising our child than working or doing a business venture which I understand. We haven't been able to meet in the middle and I end up frustrated because of the lack of help or passion about the business.

 

On the homefront as mentioned she is a great mother, that's where the problems arise. She rarely will buy groceries, doesn't keep the house remotely clean or do much other than keep our son. I completely understand keeping a child is a lot of work, but is it unreasonable for her to buy groceries and keep the house looking decent while I work two jobs.

 

She recently went to counceling for depression which I fully support her in. I understand I can be overbearing and I am a very driven leader type of personality which she is not. I'm worried we are headed for divorce as I can't live with someone who doesn't do anything and isn't driven like I am. I know I can be negative and need to not call her names, cuss at her etc but i'm at the end of my rope with having a deadbeat partner.

 

Please help.

 

Greg

[nofool4u]

OMG, your wife sounds exactly like my x-wife. Selfish.

 

I have no bad opinions of someone that wants to stay at home, provided they aren't doing so simply because they don't want to work. Sounds like your wife just doesn't want to work.

 

If she is a SAHM and doesn't do anything else, then her job then IS to make sure the house is in order, go grocery shopping, and yes, cook dinner.

 

And no, keeping a child isn't alot of work when you don't do anything else. My X went away for a week with her mother once leaving me to take care of the kids and the house. Sorry, but it was much easier than my job, and the house was never cleaner. And I got to be home with the kids.

 

I think you need to let her know if she isn't going to help even just a little with the side business and she wants to be a purely SAHM, then she needs to keep the house in order and get groceries.

 

And I bet you anything that she barely interacts with your kid and watches TV all day.

[Ninja'sHusband]

She should be able to do most of the house chores. My wife has been at home for 11 years, we have a 9 year old daughter. She's been able to do most of the housework at the same time. I do help out with dishes, laundry, and trash though.

 

Still working 2 jobs can be really really tough on a marriage. Is the ice cream thing financially necessary or is it just a really time consuming hobby that pays a little? My hobby pays a little too (music) but I've had to know when to back off.

[BetrayedH]

I sympathize with your frustration. As well, you do need to reslve this unresolved resentment or it will continue to eat at you. It won't go away and eventually unresolved resentment comes out in a much less controlled way than you (or your wife) would like.

 

However (and this is a big however), you should take this whole divorce business off the table. Unless your vows were different than mine, they were for better or worse until death. Welcome to normal marital strife. In my view, your situation is not so extreme as to merit the divorce card. Put it away and step up to the commitment you made.

 

You need marriage counseling (a safe place to vent and negotiate) and she needs individual counseling (and her husband's support) for her depression. The last thing she needs is a divorce ultimatum and your agreement wasn't to kick her to the curb when things got difficult.

[xxoo]

Has she been evaluated for PPD (post partum depression)? It is all too common, and with a 9 month old that could be the reason for her difficulty getting motivated.

 

Was she a deadbeat partner during the time you were married before pregnancy?

 

Does your baby fuss a lot when put down? Some babies are more laid back than others, and some can make it difficult to get things done.

 

Babies are different than kids. I can get a lot done with a house full of kids, but have had days when I couldn't even manage to make meals for myself with a fussy baby.

 

edited to add--when you are home, do you care for the baby? I used to love it when my H would watch the baby, so that I could do the laundry, dishes, cook, or go grocery shopping without the baby. SO much easier!

 

Also, are you calling her names and cussing at her? If so, get some anger management. That's ridiculous.

Edited June 12, 2012 by xxoo

[Janesays]

Are you cussing at her and calling her names even though you admit you shouldn't? If so, that might have a LITTLE to do with her depression. It's hard to feel motivated and inspired when the ones that supposedly love you the most speak to you with such contempt.

[MissBee]

You need some counseling too, both individual and marriage counseling, as cursing at her etc is completely inappropriate and unacceptable, especially if she has been in counseling for depression.

 

Had you not mentioned depression and your baby, it would seem more justified that she was a "dead beat", but she had a baby not a year ago and has been depressed...so it makes perfect sense. In 9 years, has she always been a "dead beat'? How is she a dead beat? Does she not raise her baby and also have a part-time job?? Was she always not a good home maker? If so...why did you marry her? if not, then obviously, don't you think it's related to her depression and shouldn't you be concerned about getting her well versus making her feel worse and expecting her to help you in your fun ice-cream venture?

 

You seem to want her to hop on board on what you want but it's not the other way around. Simply making lots of money is not all there is to being a good father and husband. A marriage requires lots of emotional work and support and emotional and physical presence, especially one with a new baby. Do you think it's possible you have checked out by working so much, leaving her to bear even more of the burden of the home and the baby and her own issues, thus making her resentful of you?

 

I HIGHLY suggest you see a counselor individually and together as there is more to this than your wife is a dead beat, you're great and she needs to clean up and help you with your business more.

[peace-maker17]

Our baby has been great, my wife is very devoted to him. I have been impressed completely by her. I love her as she is attractive, usually fun to be around and often loving. I'm not happy with her lack of motivation aside from taking care of our son. I will be the 1st to admit I didn't realize I needed to back off the business, i'm very passionate and driven about anything I do, sometimes to a fault.

 

Yesterday we had a big fight and it esculated big time. I had told her recently not to schedule much work, only once a week because I need help with the Ice Cream truck and had told her Tue, Wed and Fri we need to sell and it can be 3x her income. She agreed but then scheduled to work Wed and Fri of this week, she works a sort of on-call/as needed schedule. My blood started boiling, I threw my laptop on the floor and grabbed a plastic bottle of baby cereal and chunked it against the wall. She immediately stood up and hit me and then picked up our son, I then kicked her, not hard at all on the butt as she walked away. She proceded to yell at me and we argued a little and she left for what she told me was to drop off our son at my mom's house since I had to do work and she had a dr appt, I was working from home yesterday. She was up in arms because I kicked her while she was holding our son. She talked about what if she fell etc, I barely kicked her but I understand it's wrong.

 

She left and took our son and refused to talk to me for hours and didn't go to my parents house. She ended up taking my son to my sister in law's house and they would not let me in to see my son, talk to my wife or anything. My wife wouldn't respond to text messages or answer her cellphone. After and all day affair of trying to see my son and talk to my wife she told me she wasn't coming home until tommorow. I apologized when I talked to her and realized what happened isn't acceptable but told her she would never take my son like that again.. I completely understand I need to control my emotions as well as my wife when we are around my son but i'm incredibly hurt by what transpired yesterday.

 

First and foremost I completely understand what happened is not right, regardless of how much my wife will not listen I can't fly off the handle like I did. I apologized and she's adamant that can't happen in front of our son.

 

I did what I did in a rage of Anger and by no means did I mean to hurt my wife, I was acting in frustration. What is hurting me big time is when she left she wouldn't talk to me, text me or anything. I was vomiting and really wanted to talk to her. She ignored me half to day and basically told me to go away. I'm very hurt as I wanted to talk about what happened and move forward. I will resent her for a long time for taking my son away and not talking to me about what happened.

 

I didn't sleep but one hour last night, she is suppose to come home today from her parents where she stayed last night. I completely don't know how to react, i'm soo hurt by the keepaway game and my relatives not opening the door so I can talk to my wife. I completely understand what transpired is wrong and should never happen, I never meant to hurt my wife, what's confusing is she is certainly hurting me on purpose by telling me she doesn't want to talk and by ignoring me, telling me they are in a safe place etc. I do cuss a good bit and need to work on that, but I rarely and I mean rarely throw things. I'm beyond hurt that my wife took my son and wouldn't even talk to me about the situation, I don't know what will happen when she comes home, in a weird way I feel like I should distance myself.

 

I'm trying to be honest with the post, it's very tough being a leader in a relationship with a partner not as motivated as you are or even remotely close. This has been eating at me for years. This is the first time in 9 years she hasn't talked to me, i'm extremely bitter about her taking my son and refusing to let me see him or talk to her.

 

Greg

Edited June 12, 2012 by peace-maker17

[Janesays]

Greg, you have ZERO RIGHT to feel 'resentful' and 'hurtful' that she left and took her son. Instead, you should be down on your knees KISSING HER FEET because had she been a normal, healthy woman not suffering from depression, she would have called the cops, had you charged with assault, and served your out-of-control butt with divorce papers WHILE YOU WERE IN JAIL, WHERE YOU BELONG.

 

Screaming and throwing things? Hitting and kicking her? IN FRONT OF YOUR YOUNG IMPRESSIONAL SON?

 

Greg, I am a HUGE advocate of men's rights when it comes to custody, child support, divorce court, etc and even *I* think I'd hestitate before I'd let a child around you. And HE L L TO THE NO would I speak to you, call you, tell you where I am.....

 

That wouldn't be SAFE for her or your BABY.

 

As I said, get down on your knees and THANK HER for not calling the cops. And seek counseling STAT. And know that if you ever scream, throw things, and hit her again, you lose any 'rights' you think you have.

[xxoo]

Woah.

 

This is super out of control. Did you have this kind of rage and violence in your relationship before the baby?

 

The anger and violence is indefensible. Get help. If I were her, I'd be moving out until you did.

 

The business stuff---does she even want to be part of your ice cream business? You are marriage partners and parenting partners. That doesn't mean she is obligated to be labor for your business, esp when she has her own job AND a baby at home. What is more important to you, this business or your marriage?

[Janesays]

The business stuff---does she even want to be part of your ice cream business? You are marriage partners and parenting partners. That doesn't mean she is obligated to be labor for your business,

 

 

EXACTLY. If her passion isn't selling ice cream, don't make her sell ice cream. That doesn't make her a dead beat. That makes her someone WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT SELLING ICE CREAM.

[TigerCub]

Greg,

 

Initially I was kind of on your side a little, I saw your point, a bit - I thought that being a stay at home mom meant doing more than just watching the baby, and that yes, she should have cleaned more, cooked and actually kept the house.

 

She has depression and you want her to get all "excited" about ice cream - what exactly do you want from her that will show you that motivation? She's already helping you sell it when she has the time. Its not her passion its yours.

 

Now...onto the domestic violence.

You sit here and admit "yeah I have rage issues, I cuss at her and I throw things. I know that's wrong, it needs to change - but yeah...well as of now nothing has changed and I feel entitled to treat her like crap and have her still let me in because otherwise my feelings will be hurt"

boo hoo

 

man up. Work on your issues.

 

You kicked her while she was holing your kid - you shouldn't have kicked her at all - and yes, she shouldn't have hit you either, but you throw a hissy fit and throw things around and yell just because she's choosing her work and her passion over your ice cream truck? Please! Grow up!

 

I'm sure you felt helpless that she took your son and you had no say in what she did and when she went back home - but you keep acting like you do - she can divorce you and keep your son away from you for much much longer than just one night - especially because of your anger issues. I wouldn't want a child of mine growing up around such an angry, violent person.,

 

You say that you wanted to talk to her about what happened and move on. She needed time to cool down and to feel safe and to let you cool down. Besides what is there to really talk about after you kicked her?

 

"uhm yeah I kicked you, but you see, I make a lot of money, I'm so driven, and you just work once a week - so uhm, shut up and come home"

"oh and I know its wrong that I'm so angry, I need to work on it - but I can't with such hurt feeling that come from you thinking you have rights"...

 

Fix what needs to be fixed in you.

Respect the mother of your child.

Both of you go to counseling - Individual and marital.

[standtall]

Greg, you have ZERO RIGHT to feel 'resentful' and 'hurtful' that she left and took her son. Instead, you should be down on your knees KISSING HER FEET because had she been a normal, healthy woman not suffering from depression, she would have called the cops, had you charged with assault, and served your out-of-control butt with divorce papers WHILE YOU WERE IN JAIL, WHERE YOU BELONG.

 

Screaming and throwing things? Hitting and kicking her? IN FRONT OF YOUR YOUNG IMPRESSIONAL SON?

 

 

I guess you missed the part about her hitting him first. I guess by your formula they can sit in jail together..WHERE THEY BOTH BELONG.

[TigerCub]

I guess you missed the part about her hitting him first. I guess by your formula they can sit in jail together..WHERE THEY BOTH BELONG.

 

It totally is true that she shouldn't have hit him.

 

He shouldn't have yelled at her and called her names and thrown things in anger. Physical abuse is damaging but its also terrible living with someone that's so angry and not knowing what will make them erupt. That is scary. I know that one from personal experience it wasn't actual physical abuse, but the fear of living with someone that gets so enraged and not knowing what would set them off.

 

They both need counseling.

[Mme. Chaucer]

This is a very convoluted situation and I'm sure both adults share fault. But since you are the one posting here, I can mostly address you.

 

You obviously have serious issues with boundaries. (Sounds like she does too but she's not here.)

 

She does not have to arrange her work life to accommodate your dreams about your ice cream truck. That is YOUR passion.

 

You and she TOGETHER do need to figure out the expectations for each of you within the marriage and to support the family.

 

If she is struggling with depression, that probably contributes to her inertia about housekeeping, shopping, etc. I believe it is her responsibility as a mom and as a wife to get help for her depression (NOT to become passionate about your ice cream truck) so she can bring her best to your family - but, again, she is not here asking for advice

 

I do NOT think that she needs to be bossed around by you about ice cream trucks and then face your rage and verbal abuse when she doesn't "mind" you.

 

Certainly, she was way out of line for hitting you and you would have been within your rights to call the police and charge her with assaulting you.

 

But you were way, way, way out of line to kick her - and the fact that you did it when she was holding your child makes it many times worse.

 

It's also completely toxic for you to be "blaming" her for not being "driven" like you perceive yourself to be. You married her. I'm sure you knew that she was not going to be "driven" when you made that choice. Now, it's unfair and cruel for you to be judging her as a "deadbeat."

 

You sound very overbearing and controlling. I have never seen these qualities actually work towards someone getting another person to come around to changing. You will either destroy your family, or "win" to the point where she becomes some kind of an appendage of yours, doing what you want. Would that satisfy you? Because you have not mentioned even one quality of hers that you like or admire besides the fact that she "keeps" your son.

 

I think you two need marriage counseling and YOU need individual counseling. It sounds like a horrible situation.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Hi Greg - I would re-read TigerCub's post over and over again until it sinks. You need to fix you first. You've got some issues to deal with and you know they are wrong but you still justify it. You've said in not so many words..."I know this is wrong but she did this...", "I know I shouldn't have done that but I felt like this...". Until you are able to admit what you need to fix without the justifications, this problem won't be fixed. The first step is counseling for yourself. Then you can work on your marriage. Yes, she needs counseling too but you need to focus on yourself first. Put all that leadership and determination and pride into fixing yourself through counseling and I bet you will see amazing results just from that. You got a long road though.

[Janesays]

I guess you missed the part about her hitting him first. I guess by your formula they can sit in jail together..WHERE THEY BOTH BELONG.

 

If you're talking about 'who started it,' then it would be him when he admittedly starting throwing things. That's physical intimidation and abuse, and she should have called the cops right then and there. Believe me, they would have showed up and forced him to leave in the very least. Arrested him if she would have requested it. As someone who used to volunteer in a battered woman's shelter, I know for a fact that men have been cuffed and led away without ever actually getting physical and RIGHTFULLY SO. If he had started throwing things and screaming in the middle of a grocery store, he would have gotten tossed in jail. So it's OK to do that at home in front of a young child?

 

No way.

 

With that said, she didn't call the cops. Instead she slapped him. If she were here right now, I'd be reaming her butt telling her that it's inexcusable to smack him and that she could face assault charges and next time, if she's scared, to just call the cops. But she's not here. He is. So HE is the one I'm addressing.

 

OP, you screamed and threw things unprovoked. She slapped you, true, and if you restrained her in self defense, that's one thing. But you kicked her AS SHE WAS WALKING AWAY and while she was holding your YOUNG SON. You are far more in the wrong here than she is. You belong in jail. You are an abuser. If she ever slaps you unprovoked, call the cops and file assault charges. But don't you dare use that as an excuse to throw things (what would you have done if what you threw bounced off a wall and put your little boy's eye out, huh?) or lay your hands on her. I don't care how mad you are. That's just pathetic behavior. I couldn't respect a man who behaved with such little lack of self control.

Edited June 12, 2012 by Janesays

[nofool4u]

As I said, get down on your knees and THANK HER for not calling the cops.

 

For what? Her hitting him first? If she would have called the cops, she should be prepared to sit in jail herself

Edited June 12, 2012 by nofool4u

[Janesays]

Where did he even say anything remotely close to calling her names or admitting he shouldn't?

 

If anything his post would indicate he isn't like that at all.

 

Um, right here in his OP:

 

I know I can be negative and need to not call her names, cuss at her etc but i'm at the end of my rope with having a deadbeat partner.

 

And in his second post, her says:

 

She agreed but then scheduled to work Wed and Fri of this week, she works a sort of on-call/as needed schedule. My blood started boiling, I threw my laptop on the floor and grabbed a plastic bottle of baby cereal and chunked it against the wall. She immediately stood up and hit me and then picked up our son, I then kicked her, not hard at all on the butt as she walked away.

 

Aaaannnnnddd:

 

I do cuss a good bit and need to work on that, but I rarely and I mean rarely throw things.

[nofool4u]

EXACTLY. If her passion isn't selling ice cream, don't make her sell ice cream. That doesn't make her a dead beat. That makes her someone WHO COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT SELLING ICE CREAM.

 

But doesn't sound like she wants to do much of anything. If I'm busting my ass to provide for the family, the least I should be able to do is to come home to a half way picked up house.

[nofool4u]

Um, right here in his OP:

 

 

 

And in his second post, her says:

 

 

 

Aaaannnnnddd:

 

I know, I went back and read and it was a quick short sentence. I edited that while you were replying apparently.

[Janesays]

For what? Her hitting him first? If she would have called the cops, she should be prepared to sit in jail herself

 

For screaming, cussing, throwing his laptop on the floor, chucking a bottle at the wall.

 

Should she had slapped him when he started that? NO WAY.

 

But if she would have called the cops right then and there, they would have come and forced him to leave or arrested him. It is NOT COOL to go berserk and start throwing things because you're mad. A good rule of thumb: Would his behavior been appropriate in a grocery store? No. If he would have started screaming and throwing things in a grocery story, he would have ended up in the clink. Same thing at home. Especially with an infant baby present. As a said, an out of control, screaming father who is THROWING THINGS IN THE PRESENCE OF AN INFANT is DANGEROUS to both his wife and child.

 

Does this justify her smacking him? No. And as I said before, if she were here, I'd ream her butt too. But she's not here and just because she smacked him doesn't give him the right to do what he did before or after she got physical.

 

Both of their hands are dirty. But she's not here to yell at. He is.

Edited June 12, 2012 by Janesays

[nofool4u]

If you're talking about 'who started it,' then it would be him when he admittedly starting throwing things.

 

 

Wrong. While it is wrong of him to act like a rebellious teen and throw something, unless he is throwing something at her, it doesn't excuse her hitting him.

 

 

That's physical intimidation and abuse, and she should have called the cops right then and there. Believe me, they would have showed up and forced him to leave in the very least. Arrested him if she would have requested it.

And she would have been arrested, or should have been arrested, for assault.

 

Hell, by your logic, someone can't even get angry. And believe me, he has alot to be angry about. He said the throwing things is out of character for him.

 

But I'll digress, lets say I take your point. What about her hitting him? I suppose you think its justified?

 

 

As someone who used to volunteer in a battered woman's shelter, I know for a fact that men have been cuffed and led away without ever actually getting physical and RIGHTFULLY SO.

And its also common knowledge that men can be cuffed and sent to jail for nothing at all. All a woman has to do is paint a picture of a monster, and he is gone.

 

Sorry, OP isn't a monster. He didn't start assaulting her and he let his emotions get the best of him. Not excusing his behavior, but it doesn't justify her hitting him.

 

With that said, she didn't call the cops. Instead she slapped him. If she were here right now, I'd be reaming her butt telling her that it's inexcusable to smack him and that she could face assault charges and next time, if she's scared, to just call the cops. But she's not here. He is. So HE is the one I'm addressing.

If she was scared to call the cops, she would have been scared to hit him.

 

 

OP, you screamed and threw things unprovoked.

How do you know? He said they got in a fight. How do you know she didn't say something completely uncalled for knowing it would push his buttons.

 

Even so, he should have restrained himself realizing anything she says shouldn't get to him so bad that he throws something against a wall.

 

 

She slapped you, true, and if you restrained her in self defense, that's one thing. But you kicked her AS SHE WAS WALKING AWAY and while she was holding your YOUNG SON. You are far more in the wrong here than she is.

No, there is no level of wrong here. But if you want to go there, we can. Its simple. She hit him first.

 

But I don't really want to go there. They are both equally in the wrong.

 

What he needs to do is go somewhere else, blow off steam, then if he is upset that she is lazy and doesn't want to do anything and he can't take it anymore, then he should divorce her, then she'll have to get a job.

 

 

You belong in jail. You are an abuser. If she ever slaps you unprovoked, call the cops and file assault charges.

Provoked or not, assault is assault, unless the provocation is physical assault at her, not a wall.

 

Its clear that you will call him an abuser while not calling her the same, and its clear you were against him from the get go even before you found out about the fight they had which they were BOTH in the wrong.

 

You were wrong to throw such a fit. I think you know it, and I think you know its a problem and you should seek anger management.

 

And you also really need to assess whether you can handle being with someone that doesn't want to do anything to contribute to the family well being. And I'm not talking about wanting to help with an ice cream business. If she doesn't want to do any of that, can't blame her. But if all she wants to do is stay home, then she needs to be taking care of that home.

 

And for god's sake, whatever she says or does, DO NOT throw anything anymore. You need to control yourself. Trust me, your wife sounds just like my X, and as angry as I was with her, never would I have thrown anything. Not only because I have more control than that, I wouldn't want to put holes in my walls. Get help, and next time you have a fight, walk away from it. And if its obvious she doesn't want to lift a finger for the family, then you have 2 choices. Live with it, or go your separate ways.

Edited June 13, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Janesays]

Wrong. While it is wrong of him to act like a rebellious teen and throw something, unless he is throwing something at her, it doesn't excuse her hitting him.

 

I never said it did. In every single post I made, I in fact said SHE was wrong too and if she were here, I would tell her that next time she should call the cops INSTEAD OF hitting him lest SHE fact assault charges as well.

 

Hell, by your logic, someone can't even get angry. And believe me, he has alot to be angry about. He said the throwing things is out of character for him.

He can get angry. He just can't throw things, scream, and kick her. Like I said before, that's abuse. And what if something he threw accidentally hit his child and put his eye out? It's dangerous.

 

Oh, you don't think throwing things constitutes as abuse? Then you need some education. Allow me.

 

I grew up in a home that the OP is describing. Do you know how ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING it is for a child to see a parent lose control to the point where they start screaming and throwing things? One of my first memories is of my Mom throwing a bottle of lotion at my Father. Scared the hell out of me. I thought adults were supposed to be more stable than that.

 

I also remember one fine Christmas eve where a step father shoved my Mother into a Christmas tree. What do you think of when you look at a Christmas tree? I imagine most people think about God, or remember past Christmas's and how fun they were, or maybe just admire how aesthetically pleasing they are. You want to know what I see? I see my Mother's tear streaked face as she sits in a pile of colorful glass with pine needles in her hair and I remember how scared and out of control I felt.

 

There are never Christmas trees in my house.

 

An environment where the parents scream, throw things, and hit each other is NO PLACE for a child. If you can't control your anger, you don't need to be raising kids.

 

PERIOD!!!!!!!

 

No, there is no level of wrong here. But if you want to go there, we can. Its simple. She hit him first.

Oh really? And what if she would have fallen down on top of her son and broken his arm when he kicked her from behind? Edited June 13, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nofool4u]

I never said it did. In every single post I made, I in fact said SHE was wrong too and if she were here, I would tell her that next time she should call the cops INSTEAD OF hitting him lest SHE fact assault charges as well.

 

Oh thats your disclaimer to cover up your agenda. You never once said she should be in jail too.

 

 

 

He can get angry. He just can't throw things, scream, and kick her.

I agree, he shouldn't have kicked her. But throwing a laptop on the floor, while stupid, sorry, isn't the end of the world.

 

He already said this is out of character for him, saying that this is a rarity that he would get so angry for throwing anything.

 

This isn't a guy who goes around throwing stuff all the time like the monster you paint him to be. He let his anger get the better of him and he needs to put that in check.

 

 

Like I said before, that's abuse. And what if something he threw accidentally hit his child and put his eye out? It's dangerous.

I don't disagree which is why I won't condone it. I never want my kids to see me lose my temper that bad. I'll walk outside and kick the car before I do that.

 

 

Oh, you don't think throwing things constitutes as abuse. Then you need some education. Allow me.

 

I grew up in a home that the OP is describing. Do you know how ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING it is for a child to see a parent lose control to the point where they start screaming and throwing things. One of my first memories is of my Mom throwing a bottle of lotion at my Father. Scared the hell out of me. I thought adults were supposed to be more stable than that.

 

I also remember one fine Christmas eve where a step father shoved my Mother into a Christmas tree. What do you think of when you look at a Christmas tree? I imagine most people think about God, or remember past Christmas's and how fun they were, or maybe just admire how aesthetically pleasing they are. You want to know what I see? I see my Mother's tear streaked face as she sits in a pile of colorful glass with pine needles in my hair and I remember how scared and out of control I felt.

 

There are never Christmas trees in my house.

 

An environment where the parents scream, throw things, and hit each other is NO PLACE for a child. If you can't control your anger, you don't need to be raising kids.

 

PERIOD!!!!!!!

What you described is definitely an abusive environment. But you failed to educate me, the great unwashed as you would infer while insinuating I'm uneducated.

 

What you described is NOTHING like this situation. He lost control once. He is NOTHING like your father and quit trying to make him out to be as such.

 

If this was a pattern of behavior with him, I'd concede your point. But its not.

 

 

Oh really? And what if she would have fallen down on top of her son and broken his arm when he kicked her from behind?

He should have in NO WAY kicked her back. He wasn't thinking of his child to lose his temper and throw a laptop on the floor, and she wasn't thinking of the child when she slapped him. Edited June 13, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator